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bronzeowl
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Member Since: Jun 2011
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Default May 02, 2021 at 12:16 PM
  #1
I know it's been some time since I've posted. I kind of ghosted the forums. I remember when it was part of psych central, and got lost trying to find it. Had to Google to find out it's now my support. I'm glad it's still here, though.

I'm in a relationship with someone who is struggling with addiction. He had been in active recovery for most of our relationship - or at least half (about 3 years, we'll be going on 6 years in September). He relapsed last year when our neighbor moved in. The neighbor uses his choice, and being around it led to him relapsing. He is trying to recover again, but our relationship has suffered because of the last year. I feel like I have no support, and that I spend all my money, time, and attention on him. I understand he is sick, and so I try to be patient with him (especially because he's finally wanting to recover again), but with my own mental health issues it is getting hard.

I've tried joining groups for partners of addicts and alcoholics, but I have found most of them far more harmful than helpful. The only advice I get is "leave him", which I would understand if his addiction made him violent or caused him to lie to me, cheat on me, or steal from me. However, none of that is true. He's always been honest with me about it, he's never stolen from me or cheated on me because of it, and I'm in no immediate danger. I want to help him, and I want to figure out how to get out of this pattern I've gotten into where I enable his behavior (whether I mean to or not).

What I am looking for here is advice, maybe from someone who's been in my shoes. Maybe from someone who's been in his. I've thought about a narcotics anonymous meeting, but would it be okay if I went being that I'm not addicted myself? I've, also, looked into codependents anonymous, but I'm not entirely sure I fit the bill for that? Is there a group for people in my shoes?

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OSFED|MDD/PPD|GAD|gender dysphoria|AvPD
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Bill3
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Default May 02, 2021 at 03:18 PM
  #2
Quote:
He relapsed last year when our neighbor moved in.
Has there been any discussion of having the neighbor move out?

Quote:
He's always been honest with me about it, he's never stolen from me or cheated on me because of it, and I'm in no immediate danger. I want to help him, and I want to figure out how to get out of this pattern I've gotten into where I enable his behavior (whether I mean to or not).
Yes, this is important. He isn't harming you by violence and he isn't stealing or cheating, but you nevertheless are being harmed because of:

Quote:
I feel like I have no support, and that I spend all my money, time, and attention on him.
Perhaps nar-anon would be of interest:

Nar-Anon Family Groups

Maybe it would be helpful, if you haven't already tried this, to make a list of ways in which your life has changed since the neighbor moved in, and then to discuss this with him.
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