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Member Since Jul 2021
Location: Japan
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#1
So I’ve been with my partner for the past 3 years.. and to say it is an emotional rollercoaster would probably be an understatement. We really have an amazing connection- at least when the Bipolar isn’t troubling him.
However this past Monday he told me that he couldn’t trust me and needed some space and that I shouldn’t message him for 2 weeks. But then later on in the day apologized for his abrupt tone, told me he loved me but needed time for him to look at our relationship from a fresh perspective. I told him I’d give him space if he needs it but thought if there were issues that it would be better to talk it out once he was feeling better. Later on in the night he told me he was upset that I couldn’t be by his side and how much he loved me. The next day was a complete 180 and he has been pretty cold to me since. The lack of trust on his side and the catalyst of his feelings this time around probably stems from the fact that I noticed several times in the past that money was missing from my wallet. Not huge sums but enough to make me cautious. I didn’t want to confront him about it as I had no proof, apart from the fact that he is notoriously bad with his finances. So I started hiding it from him. He found out I was hiding it andwas (probably rightfully) hurt. I apologized and felt guilty for it and told him I would be more open with him from now on. Now, I also have a history of depression. As a person I’m naturally very sensitive and acute to changes in my partners moods and it can also affect me in a really negative way, too. I guess what I’m asking is, should I give him time alone? I’ve tried my best to keep my distance for this past week but it’s really hard because I do deeply care for and love him.. and being apart is really negatively affecting my mood, especially when he hasn’t given me a chance to explain myself or talk it out together. During our relationship I’ve always tried to be as supportive as I can, even during the difficult times. But I feel like it’s slowly taking it’s toll on me, too. And his sudden tendency to go from loving to hostile is really difficult. Sorry if this came out as word vomit, but any advice would be appreciated! |
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#2
@Jawshx welcome to MSF My Support Forums. I am sorry you feel like you are on a rollercoaster with your partner.
I think you are justified in hiding your money if it keeps disappearing. I have heard of many people with mental health issues that cannot manage money and have expensive habits of spending, so money disappearing could be another sign of the mental illness. Setting boundaries protects you and makes them confront their self constructed situation. Is your partner getting treatment for their condition? If so you could try and make sure they are taking their meds. A friend in mania states that there is nothing wrong with them. There is no need to take pills. Mania only gets worse without treatment. I have seen people that got psychotic and unintellible as they babble on. These may be of interest. Blog Therapy, Therapy, Therapy Blog, Blogging Therapy, Therapy,.. 11 Ways To Support Someone During Mania - International Bipolar Foundation @CANDC __________________ Super Moderator Community Support Team "Things Take Time" |
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Member Since Oct 2021
Location: North Carolina
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#3
@Jawshx I can relate to what you are going through! My husband has bi polar 2, depression, ADHD, and PTSD. We have been together for 12 years and married for 3 years. It is not easy being the partner to someone with bi polar and like you I also struggle with depression and anxiety. Bi polar is a tough illness and it is different for everyone, but a few things you mentioned are very common for people with bi bolar.
Money- money mismanagement is a huge part of bi polar. My husbands father died years ago and my husband was only 19 when he died. He received a large chunk of money and he spent it like CRAZY. He bough a sports car, bought things for family, etc. We were not married at the time, and he paid his half of the bills, so I did not have much say. I did not think he had spent as much as he did though, and he really beats himself up over the dumb choices he made and how much savings we could of had...... but erratic spending/choices can be part of the bipolar mind (especially during an episode). My husband now gives me complete control over most of our finances because he is aware its smarter. I don't control his money though at all, he gets his paycheck and just sends the money for bills to me and I just manage that for us. Space- I love my husband dearly and he is such a good person, but we have had to do a lot of work to keep our relationship working. His bipolar has not been easy for him or for me and he is aware of that. There have been countless times that he has pushed me away completely, shuts down, or just leaves. When he gets upset and angry the best thing to do is give him space. It was very hard for me to learn this because I am opposite. I get so emotional, I want to talk about everything right then and there, I take everything personally, and I get loud. If I don't give him space and time when things get super heated and hes asking for space, it can turn into a very bad fight and horrible things can be said, things broken,etc. Giving him space and time does not mean we ignore the issue, we just go back and talk about the issue when we are both in a comfortable head space. Your partner did not choose to be bipolar, its not an excuse for any type of bad behavior, but if you love him and want a lasting relationship..... be empathetic! Also take care of yourself, make sure your mental health does not fall to the back burner. Make sure your partner has good support, a psychiatrist and/or therapist, takes proper medication, and stays in good routine. Remember, there are always going to be highs and lows with bipolar and life changing or even small things can spark episodes. Its not easy, but for me its worth it because I get to spend every day with my best friend and the love of my life |
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