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Stoormie
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Member Since: May 2022
Location: Germany
Posts: 1
1 yr Member
Default May 10, 2022 at 04:27 PM
  #1
Hi everyone!

Around one month ago my friend told me about her self harming and mental health issues. (She also has an appointment at a therapist this month.)

She has always been very sensitive and cried frequently (in school), but she never told me or others of our friend group what it was about and I am still the only one of our friends knowing.

I told her that she can talk to me and I will listen and try to help where I can. (I still haven’t really figured out what I could do to help.)

But since I know it, I feel the pressure of taking care of her - She told me something like „I do not understand why you don‘t address such incidents“ after another day she cried in school. Now I have the feeling of being responsible of occupying her mental health when I don’t know how and also, when she wants to talk about it.

Also, the whole sotuation makes me feel like my own problems and issues are less important since hers are more severe and I also don’t feel like she cares about me anymore. I realize she has her very own problems, but it’s getting hard to care constantly after such a long time.

Last weekend we have been to a concert I waited for for a long time and it was a really important event to me. But in the middle of the concert, she was crying/having sort of a mental breakdown.It was hard for me to accept that I have to, again, care about her when I just wanted to once enjoy an occasion.
I am aware that it is selfish to be „angry“ with her for her problems, but it ruined the mood and as I said it was very important for me.

Situations like that happen pretty often lately and I am sorry that I have to say it, but I feel tired/annoyed of caring for her… And that makes our friendship very difficult at the moment.

Does anybody have tips how to show more compassion with her feelings/not get annoyed by her? (Since I would really like to improve my own mindset on all of this, but I have no clue how).

Thank you for reading all of this! Sorry for any mistakes, I tried my best, but I am not a native English speaker ~
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CANDC
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Default May 10, 2022 at 07:45 PM
  #2
Hi @Stoormie - welcome to MSF My Support Forums. I am sorry you have such a challenging situation from your friend. That sounds like quite a test for you.

I think with people that have mental challenges, I have compassion for them and want to help but I also structure my own life separately so I get what I need and in the times we are together in a non public environment I can help them face the issues they face.

It sounds like they are at a point where there life is very disrupted by what they are going through. Self harm is a way to self medicate and soothe oneself by eliciting hormones in response to the self harm. Have you tried asking them if they will go to a psychiatrist that can help them find meds that will keep them stable and help them move away from self harm? I have tried helping someone with severe symptoms and in the end it was up to the professionals who are more knowledgeable and experienced than I am. @CANDC

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