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QuietRobot996
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Member Since: Oct 2022
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Default Oct 05, 2022 at 11:46 PM
  #1
This has been the hardest post to deal with, but I have some questions, and unfortunatley, we may need some background.

My wife has been an alcoholic for years. It started as "self medication" for her endometriosis, then developed into a serious health issue for awhile when she almost drank herself into ESLD (End Stage Liver Disease) a few times in the last five years.

While struggling with alcoholism, we got a horrific neighbor that traumatized her while I was at work over the pandemic. She now has - from her mouth - PTSD, Anxiety, and ADHD due to a sleeping problem nobody mentioned to me the whole 11 years we have been together (married 9). I have never gotten an official diagnosis from her doctors. Actually, getting an audience with them has been hard, despite the nurse/RN she talks to once a month giving me verbal allowance to be her "care advocate".

This all came to a head around this time last year when she went on a 2 week drinking binge, which saw her almost not sleeping at all, pacing the house, grumbling about my family, her family, stuff from social media, starting violent fights, trashing the entire house. I almost divorced her that night. I found out what she was up to at first from her best friend and my mom calling me telling me how she was talking incoherently with slurred speech - just like she had done to me AFTER she called them. I had to call 911, had her put in the hospital I work at, and then she was kept only the 6 of 72 hours required for a suicidal person, and sent out on Klonapin. After that, I had her parents come down to help me get her into behavioral health - which is the path to here today.

She's always been very dramatic, lies a lot about things or twists them out of proportion, especially if she has been drinking.


So some Q's about her care, or things she has said...

1.) Is it true they no longer give an official "diagnosis" with a name to patients regarding their healthcare issues? Or is this just another one of her lies?


2.) I told her Nurse/RN about her alcoholism. She said that they were about to drop her for it. Is it legal/allowed for a psychologist or the Nurse/RN to drop treatment due to alcoholism? Is this at all useful?


3.) Am I damaging her by locking my door and being away from her now. I'm just so tired of her lying, manipulating, gaslighting, and other assorted **** when she's been drinking and off her medication. Right now she's playing a song that traumatized ME when all this started.


4.) She has not worked in 2.5 years and says that the doctor has to sign off on her ability to work. IS this something they can really do. Could this be a sign that she's hiding something from me. I know HIPPAA and all, but I want to know so I can better support her, but if I don't have that information....then I dunno what to do.


5.) Me and my wife are both 40. I figure there's pretty much no way I can make her do anything she does not want. I know ultimatley it's my choice but does this sound like I should just go for Divorce and be over with this - cut off the infected wound.

I pretty much have no support or help of my own on this. My mom is tired of hearing about it, her parents are rich and out-of-touch and we have had fights where I've lost my temper with her and now her parents say "I'm" being immature.


This is made worse because I have anger management issues, and if I did not have them before, I sure do now. My wife has made light of my "Anger Management Issues" per some ex-band mates I had who I chewed out for drunken, stupid behavior beyond reasonable for a bunch of debauchery rock musicians.


She relapsed tonight and it's a lot. I had to take away her debit card. I'm considering starting a separate bank account at another bank she cannot have access to so I can make sure I don't get ****ed like I did on our phone bill tonight when she bought Vodka at the liquor store down the street. I've already taken out over $1000 in payday loans dealing with this and thankfully been able to pay them all off.

One of her biggest triggers is a messy house and she whines I make a mess all the time. I don't, I'm hardly ever there. I work 40+ hours a week, am on call, during the weekends I spend so much time deflecting her **** that I end the weekend just as tired as I was or worse than when I started. I live on caffine. Meanwhile, she makes a pure MESS of the place while I'm at work. Tonight I had to do the dishes she created while I was at work, do more laundry, sweep/vacuum the floors, scrub the stovetop, and generally clean up after HER.

I'm just not sure how, or if I can continue to support her in her time of need, or if I even should. Should I just divorce/separate and let her hit rock bottom. I'm doing all my can to prevent it, but it feels like I'm avoiding the inevitable sometimes.
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Default Oct 06, 2022 at 05:49 PM
  #2
Hi @QuietRobot996 - welcome to MSF My Support forums. I am sorry that your wife is so difficult to deal with. If you do not have a therapist yet you may want to have one to help you understand the laws in your area for Involuntary Patient hospitalization.

These are only my personal opinions - please do not base life changing decisions on them without consulting with professional advisers.

1.) Is it true they no longer give an official "diagnosis" with a name to patients regarding their healthcare issues? Or is this just another one of her lies? Hipaa laws often mean health care providers cannot release info to others without consent of the patient. If you have legal guardianship (which you may not want) then they can.

2) Not sure on what grounds health care treatment can be terminated

3) Please consider locking your door as keeping yourself safe. I feel you could benefit from a professional adviser regarding what is reasonable for you to do for self care.

4) Do you feel like anyone would want to hire her in the condition she is in now?

5) Divorce is a complex legal matter that only a lawyer can adequately advise you on. Do NOT sign any papers without a lawyer reviewing them and approving them. Some people sign all their financial rights away by doing so.

Hope you get the support you are looking for. @CANDC

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QuietRobot996
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Member Since: Oct 2022
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Default Jan 05, 2023 at 12:05 AM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by CANDC View Post
Hi @QuietRobot996 - welcome to MSF My Support forums. I am sorry that your wife is so difficult to deal with. If you do not have a therapist yet you may want to have one to help you understand the laws in your area for Involuntary Patient hospitalization.

These are only my personal opinions - please do not base life changing decisions on them without consulting with professional advisers.

1.) Is it true they no longer give an official "diagnosis" with a name to patients regarding their healthcare issues? Or is this just another one of her lies? Hipaa laws often mean health care providers cannot release info to others without consent of the patient. If you have legal guardianship (which you may not want) then they can.

2) Not sure on what grounds health care treatment can be terminated

3) Please consider locking your door as keeping yourself safe. I feel you could benefit from a professional adviser regarding what is reasonable for you to do for self care.

4) Do you feel like anyone would want to hire her in the condition she is in now?

5) Divorce is a complex legal matter that only a lawyer can adequately advise you on. Do NOT sign any papers without a lawyer reviewing them and approving them. Some people sign all their financial rights away by doing so.

Hope you get the support you are looking for. @CANDC

Well, here is where we are now with this after a couple of months.. I will be moving to another thread elsewhere in the forum that's more appropriate (and more focused on myself than her at this point for reasons that will soon be obvious), so my answers will be a lot more brief this time.

1.) I'm aware of HIPPA. I work at a hospital (IT). I'm going to just give up being her caregiver at this point. AS of tonight she has relapsed again and has a 1 liter jug of Vodka hidden behind her bedroom window.

2.) I talked to a few in the field, it seems the whole "termination" of treatment was just another one of her alcohol-fueled lies. I think she's been lying to everyone treating her and hence why she has not made any improvement.

3.) So this is the final straw with her. Last month she DESTROYED the house. Including the door to my safe space from her. I have nowhere in my own home, which I rent, where I can be safe from her.


4.) Well, if she's not lying, the non-profits seem to be getting along with her fine, but she is functional enough to choose not to drive on Alcohol and not work on it either - HFA (High Functioning Alcoholic). Is what they call it.

5.) As I mentioned earlier, I'm seeking legal council through proper channels for this. That said, she claims she already filed in another state years ago, and now claims she has done it here. Thing is, I'm still filing myself regardless because she claims a whole LOT of things that are not true.

Anyway, I'm moving to another thread for this issue since I feel it's no longer kosher as I'm considering myself no longer her caregiver.
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