[Mouse_]

I often during times I describe as being in "it", feel afraid, no more than afraid, I feel terrified, every bit of bad news on the news magnifys, every sound of movement from people who live next to me, magnifys. I can be driving along and not be concentrating on the road, just instead feeling the tearing fear inside as I look at the "objects/people" walking along the streets. I fear them, unyet I cannot name the fear, I feel seperate from mankind, wondering how I come to be experiencing the same scenes unyet not part of them. Finally it hit me, its my anger, my rage, I have completely disociated it from myself and expereince it as being around me, as being in other people. I can't explain what a nightmare experience this is. Then slowly as you begin to take the orbit of my own rage back-into-me, the world around me begins to slow down, begins to have different bits to it, I begin to experience people in less dramatic way. SLowly, slowy the rage comes home, I let it in and it goes to sleep, like a wayward child back home with head hung low. How can I not recognise this part of me? it seems so real when I am in "It", untill slowly, slowly I re-awake and settle the rage within me, there, there rage, its ok, your safe again.

[VoNPD]

Mouse, you are positively in tune with yourself.

I stand in admiration!

[peaches100]

Wow Mouse!

It sounds as though you are learning to integrate parts of yourself that were previously dissociated. I've never heard an explanation of how that happens, but what you've described makes sense to me.

It made me wonder if I am projecting the dissociated parts of myself onto others. It seems that i am always sensing (or THINK that i am recognizing) in my therapist feelings that actually belong to me. i will feel *certain* that she feels a certain way about me, and even put things together in my mind in a way that appears to *confirm* that she does indeed feel that way. (for example, that she thinks i am disgusting or does not want to get too close to me. But she will tell me that, no, she does not feel that way at all. Then i will realize that it is *me* who feels that i am digusting, or more correctly, it is *me* that FEARS i am disgusting. It is *me* that is afraid to get too close to t and to others. But until it dawns on me that the feelings are coming from me, I could swear, Swear, SWEAR that those feelings belonged to t. And i would even be hurt or angry at her for having the feelings that i thought she was having toward me!

Mouse, how have you learned to separate out your own feelings from the feelings of those around you? How do you recognize the feelings you are picking up as your own?

[Mouse_]

Peaches, How do I recongise them as my own? I'm not sure if there are words for it, its just a feeling, suddenly you feel at peace, even with all of the anger and such because no matter what the feelings are, they are your own, and you just know it when it happens, but It takes practice still. I still find myself put them "outside" of me, but the awareness is growing.