[william1971]

OK, I'll try to make it short: One Sunday afternoon I was helping shave my Grandfather because he has trouble standing up. I took a towel from to dry his face from the cupboard where all the towels were. As I was toweling his face my Grandmother walks in and see's me doing this and notices the towel I was using. Immediately, she yelled "why are you using this towel, this towel I don't want you to use"!!! I said, "Grandma, it's just an old towel - I'll wash it". She became outraged yelling, "NO - NO You Can't Be using it because I SAID SO"!!! Then she began crying - YES actually crying, saying "I'll kick you out of this house if you don't listen to me"!!! I just brushed it off while mumbling under my breathe "she's lost it" and walked away. As soon as I walked away that seemed to aggrevate her more and she came after me wanting to hit me. I simply dodged her and went into my room and locked the door.

I was blown away to say the least, but not the first time something like this has happened with her. She definitely has some sort of control issue and lots of built up rage but I'm sure there's a lot more underlying issues that could be assessed. Can anyone help me determine what kind of illness or disorder my Grandmother may have or what may come to mind??

[GrayNess]

Before anything is said, the situation affecting her needs to be analyzed. If she was upset at something but you were not aware of it, then her getting this outraged may seem less unusual. If the behavior fits with the context surrounding her, then as odd as it may be to you, it's not abnormal behavior.

Personality disorders in the DSM are Axis II and they tend to exist for years and years, and generally don't matter much on the context. So it may not be a personality disorder.

Assuming the behavior does not fit the context surrounding her, then it could be numerous possible disorders. It can be a symptom and possibly a criteria of numerous ones but without further knowledge, might as well just draw a random card from a hat as it'd be pretty much just as accurate.

If you want, you can see if she'll go to a doctor but she probably will need a referral to see a specialist (i.e. psychologist, psychiatrist, etc...). Although with her being this uncooperative, it may be hard to get her to go willingly.

You can try to talk to her about it later when she's calm but she may or may not become just as outraged. You can also talk to the grandfather and see if he can give some insight.

[VoNPD]

You might consider this too: Maybe your Grandmother used that particular towel for something she doesn't want to share with you... like cleaning the toilet or wiping up vomit or other body fluids... and when you did not 'obey' her, it underlined the fact (in her mind) that she is no longer in complete control of her life and yes, might have to explain herself to others (you) like a child might have to.

I take care of my 85 year-old Mother and we cross these bridges often. Mom doesn't get violent. But when my Dad (NPD) was still alive he WOULD threaten, froth at the mouth, insult, degrade, yell at .... and that was on an average day. The last day of his life he went into hospice and there he went into full fledged RAGE! Tried to bite Mom and me!! It was terrible to watch and even more difficult not to react with equal rage.

Just something to consider/add to why she might have become enraged.

VoN

[william1971]

Originally Posted by VoNPD

You might consider this too: Maybe your Grandmother used that particular towel for something she doesn't want to share with you... like cleaning the toilet or wiping up vomit or other body fluids... and when you did not 'obey' her, it underlined the fact (in her mind) that she is no longer in complete control of her life and yes, might have to explain herself to others (you) like a child might have to.

Just something to consider/add to why she might have become enraged.

VoN

NO, the towel wasn't something she used for other 'dirty' jobs. She's reacted that way about other towels and things I've grabbed. There's definitely some underlying issues that have never been dealt with and affecting my Grandmother, I just don't know which ones.

Although, there may be something there regarding her not being in "complete control" of her life anymore. That may set her off I would imagine. Oh well, it's not for me to figure out. I just need to stay FAR AWAY from her.

[TrespassersWill]

I don't think from that one instance you can discern what problem she has. I could go out on a limb and say maybe she's OCD because that towel is only to be used for specific reasons and she has set forth the rules governing "that towel". She might even have Aspergers and they have their own set of rules. But you really can't say not knowing everything she does and how she has behaved throughout her life.

[ECHOES]

Aging, like growing up, isn't easy. There are therapists who work with aging issues.
Most thing come from fear, so I would wonder what her fears are. With her husband becoming physically less able, she may be thinking about her future. She may be feeling afraid of being left behind, alone. She may feel guilty for even thinking of her own needs and future needs because her generation wasn't encouraged to do that.

What about some quite tea time (or coffee, hot chocolate, etc) with just the two of you. Find out what she needs, what she wants, what she hopes for, what she fears.