[sorrel]

I wrote earlier this week about a conversation with my manager about my GP etc.
My manager asked me what my Gp has said I'd 'got'...and I told her she hasn't told me..she hasn't, beyond depression...

But I and my therapist, although we try not to get hung up on labels, work with the awareness that I am Borderline.

There is an ideal opportunity now to ask my GP tomorrow morning when I see her what my dx is according to her...after all I can say my manager wants to know...

What do you think? Should I ask?

sorrel

[goofygirl]

This is based on the assumption that GP=general practioner, in which case, I'd have to say you ought to be prepared for him or her to say that it is not their specialty, and you'd be better off to go to a p-doc... just because I've been through something similar more times than I care to count.

It never hurts to ask, though. My thoughts are with you! Let us know!

((((HUGS))))

[silver_queen]

Whilst you're there, you might as well ask!

[sorrel]

Thanks for your thoughts, goofygirl and silver..

well, I saw my GP, which, yes, is General Practitioner,. I sort of asked indirectly...and she was really nice, saying that if my manager needs to know, or keeps asking, I can say depression so as to say something...and we smiled at each other, like we both know a secret, and that it's ok...

I felt actually good about this----I don't have to be labelled or 'boxed up', I can be me and grow in my own way and be free....
It probably sounds kind of strange, but I found it rather healing...

I AM NOT REJECTED.....



sorrel

[goofygirl]

That's cool that you have such a good relationship with your GP!

Why is your manager asking? Unless your symptoms are affecting your work performance, it's none of his/her business.

That's a darned intrusive question, ya know?

emmy

[sorrel]

thanks goofygirl....I never saw it like that, but yeah, seems I do
I've been seeing her kind of fortnightly since the new year, after seeing others at the practice from the end of November, it was her I settled on to see me through *all this*--she's gentle and practical and warm and encouraging and reassuring....its good to have a good experience of the NHS...lots of others aren't so lucky...

Of course, my psychotherapist has the main care of me, and its good both relationships are cooperating in my recovery.

Emmy, why was my manager asking? I'd like to think she was just interested and cares.
If you saw what I posted last weekend, we were having a general chat at the counter no less (I work in a public library) about doctors, the NHS, when I take my meds, etc. And she just comes out with, just like she was chatting about the weather--"What does your doctor say you've got? Is it Borderline, or something else?"

I sat there in shock---I have NEVER mentioned BPD at work, only depression and anxiety....I said my GP hasn't told me.
BLLAAAAAHHHHHH....
My manager is caring and supportive-and tries to understand...

At least I did have a conversation with her on Tuesday, and she doesn't have any concerns about my progress...thankfully.....however she did wonder if my therapist had told me when I would be back to how I was when I first met her, my manager, nearly 2 years ago...well I TOLD her that I hope I won't be like I was before when I recover, anyway...I KEEP telling my manager that I've always been like this is a person, always anxious etc, and its not just because I'm in therapy that I'm like this...that the therapy is helping me get it out, what has been frozen in me for years.

You're right, all she needs to know is that I'm depressed and want to be treated with sensitivity and respect to that.
I have had a few crying outbursts at work, but otherwise, apart from extreme tiredness, I've been relatively ok, especially as I haven't taken one single day off sick, even when I was having regular panic attacks...
I got a bit drawn into her /?'s, more than I am comfortable with--exposure is very risky for me as I have some bad past experiences....drawn in now because I am longing for a bit of extra support and care.
Not appropriate in the work environment maybe....well, maybe some support...which I am kind of getting...my colleagues are very kind and non judgemental....I don't think my manager's judgemental, she's just...????a bit intrusive and over friendly maybe????
not sure....

Feedback would be appreciated on handling this...
I am glad its not my manager's Saturday to work tomorrow....a girl needs her space sometimes at work y'know...

thanks,

sorrel