[Twist47]

I am trying to figure out how to pinpoint the underlying personality trait(s) of a friend of mine so I can understand how I should deal with him and still keep a good relationship. This person is a leader at my church and a nice guy, it's just that he has been repeating certain behavior that has become an issue that another friend an I have noticed.

What happens is he will have a "great idea", and then he will expect that everyone else will want to go along with it. He gives off the impression that there must be something wrong with you if you don't want to agree with doing it. The ideas are not bad things... it could be something like feeding the homeless or being part of a special event or going to a retreat... but the problem is that he expects us to make it a priority.

For example... if we already planned on going to a birthday party or a shower or having lunch with a friend, or if we have kids and it would be difficult to bring them along or find a sitter, that is not a good enough excuse for him. He always has to ask WHY. He won't take "sorry, I can't" for an answer. He has to pry into your personal life and force you to either lie or give a long explanation about details he doesn't need to know (why should I tell him about a birthday party for a friend he's never met?). Then he has to ask WHY those other plans are more important.

Another related thing this guy does is he asks if you will help with something and then doesn't tell you all the details about what you've just committed to. What seems like a little project turns into all afternoon and all night. He is focused on completing the task to his specifications with no regards to the fact that he sucked you into volunteering to do something much bigger than you signed up for.

Is this just arrogance? Is there a better way to dealing with this or some nice way to call him out on it?

[disguise123]

id just ditch him, sorry not helpful at all but i cant handle demanding people.

[Direction]

Probably not Arrogance...

Maybe work on strengthing your boundaries...then you don't have to worry about trying to change his behavior...just change yours

Example: If he continues to ask why, attempting to convince you that this needs to be more of a priority...simply let him know that you will think about it tonight and get back to him in the morning. In the morning, just let him know that you considered it, but you are not able to...basically make your no stick...if he continues to ask just repeat what you said...you considered it, but you are not able to. If he doesn't get that you are have made your decision...then you probably need to let him know that you don't think he is hearing you...

The details...ask for them up front...simply tell him that you would like to get the details before making a committment for the volunteer opportunity...let him know you have a concern as sometimes it feels like you don't know what I'm getting into...