[horsebackrider1295]

i'm 17 i've been bullied since i was in kindergarten and the bullying stopped only because i was taken out of school in 6th grade. i've cut my self and attepted suicide twice.

okay so what i want to know is since about 4th grade, i've created like a seperate life in my head.
it started out that i thought i was a horse, then a lion.

i know it kinda sound funny but it's true .... by sixth grade when i started getting into bands. i made up that i had a famous band in my head.

oh and the weirdest part is have pretended i was in a relationship with members of the bands i like, or charachter from my favorite show.
If i'm alone i will have full out conversations as if i'm talking to that person. (or worse i kiss my wall)

Honestly i don't think it's because i'm such a big fan of those bands.

recently it's been like i think i'm dating these guys from some bands.. -_-
in my head i'm much cooler and prettier then who i really am.

Could all that above be a mental disorder or just a coping thing.

Posting this is kinda imbarassing for me , i just don't want to talk to my parents or a doctor.

please help

[horsebackrider1295]

Alright to make a long story short been bullied since i was 6.
used to cut myself and attempted suicide once.
by the way i'm 17 been dealing with this since i was 12.

well this is kinda embarrasing :/

ok so in 4th grade i started kinda making an alternate world for myself in my head. it sounds weird but i thought i was a horse at one time.

ok so since in 6th grade since i was older i thought i was in a famous band called well :/ Poision Kiss then i changed it to Hell on earth.

literally i imagine that i'm dating certain member of famous bands i like.

i will have full on conversations with myself.... and well :/ i've like kissed my wall. the images in my head well kinda became x rated as i got older :/

In my head i'm a lot prettier than i am and i have that like rockstar personality.

i know it sounds funny but it bothers me a lot.

It's like i'm living a double life. because if i pretend something before i do something out in the real world i'll feel better.

I know people here can't diagnose me but any ideas would help.

because i don't want to talk to my mom about it.