[capricorn57]

My current diagnosis is personality disorder NOS with according to my pdoc 'psychotic' symptoms' . I am on risperdal consta 25mgs..
Symptoms invclude anxiety(general and social), mood swings,depression,paranoid thinking,,long term problems with thinking and behaviour and difficulties with perception,,planning,and social interaction.

I don't have much ambition,drive, and motivation,find it hard to show initiative, have difficulty thinking of future goals and plans and lead a rather aimless/directionless life.
Emotionally i feel negative emotions far more intensely than positive ones. Negative/stressful situations can make me excitedly irrational and paranoid and prone to going into rant mode but positive things lack that 'wow factor' and are just ok.

I have had 'false thoughts' in the past such as thinking i wrote a pop song, thinking i stayed at my boarding school long after(years) i actually left there(this one still crosses my mind every now and then), thinking all my teeth had dropped out(This happened early in my first admission ) . I can get thoughts about happenings that i can reality test as being unlikely but nevertheless are very persistent.
I have at various times entertained the possibility i could have female body parts and able to have female orgasms(but the Consta has controlled the weird thoughts).

With regards to the social interaction i have problems with small talk and initiating conversations, i am heavily reliant on the other person saying something to which i can reply and for the other person to keep the flow of conversation going.

I have some cognitive problems though these are not recognised because i am fairly articulate and intelligent. They involve a much higher verbal than performance/visual spatial IQ and i have difficulties with constructional/manual tasks. As previously stated i have problems with planning(and organisation- and struggle with multi step tasks.

I also have a poor sense of direction and am afraid of going too far from where i live in case i get lost.