[capricorn57]

If i am honest medication helps to some degree,no more no less. It tackles to some degrees the symptoms arising out of negative social experiences but not the psychological effects of those negative experiences. I think if i was not so mentally geared to the fear of 'you can't be ill unless you take medication ', and a subsequent lack of help and support, then i would not be so tied to medication.
I wonder whether with appropriate psychological and social support, in childhood and adolescence,i could have avoided ending up the way i have or at least been better able to cope and function?
In any case it's all too late now.

[capricorn57]

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[ECHOES]

I don't think it's too late now, although I know what you mean about how the time to have gotten what you needed when you needed it has past.

But psychotherapy can help very much. I think it is the primary help for personality disorders. I take medication for the depression part of it, but the psychotherapy does give me the chance to learn to have some good relationships.

[here today]

I agree with ECHOES. It is not too late. If you can find -- and advocate for -- appropriate psychological and social support NOW, then things can probably change for you. They have for me. It can't change what has already happened but it can change my tomorrows. I hope you keep on trying.

I was impressed by a website I came across recently about treatment for personality disorders in the UK:

Home - Personality disorder programme

Maybe you can ask for some other referrals and "stronger" therapies? I know for me I needed re-socialization and am finding some in a peer support center that is mostly for people recovering from schizophrenia and addictive diseases, but they have "let me in" anyway and it helps.

[capricorn57]

According to my pdoc i am not suitable for therapy. I think that's because i had two bad attempts with therapists pushing a 'If you want to be a good person' agenda. I'm a person with problems not a bad person. I needed more empathy and support and less character assassination.

[here today]

Absolutely. Can you go to another doctor? Ask for a second opinion? Sounds like maybe you have some unresolved trauma from your childhood?
What’s the diagnosis the pdoc has given you?

[capricorn57]

Originally Posted by here today

Absolutely. Can you go to another doctor? Ask for a second opinion? Sounds like maybe you have some unresolved trauma from your childhood?
What’s the diagnosis the pdoc has given you?

The current dx i have is paranoid PD(previous -schizophrenia/schizoaffective/PD NOS) . Biggest traumas if you can call them that were coming from a dysfunctional family environment/10 years of boarding school to which i was unsuited. Was bullied a lot as a teenager for being physically and socially awkward. This i believe triggered long term paranoia and social phobia. Parents were not classically abusive but could have been better. They argued constantly and often blamed me for doing so. Father was very much a 'I'm the head of the house' type but not someone who dealt well with emotional issues. Mother was neurotic and a long term problem drinker. Mother said to me that when she voiced her concerns about my mental health he just matter of factly said 'Well he's going mad isn't he?' Even though she argued like mad with my dad i can remember being told by her(i was 8-9) that i would never be as good as my father. Even as adults it was psychologically difficult for especially my brother and i with our mother.
Mother is now dead(result of years of excessive drinking catching up with her) For last 32 years have seen father once a year for 6-7 hours. That is when he comes over from the States where he has lived since retiring from the Foreign office. I still can't really talk to him about problems and issues

[here today]

Please, please, please check out this link and the others listed at the bottom of the page:

Personality Disorder | Personality Disorder Clusters

In the MIND website (Understanding personality disorders - Mind) there is a section on advocacy.

Your pdoc is out-of-date. Just look at those websites. Find someway to go over or around him/her, confront him/her if you think you can do it without sounding angry or paranoid. (Yeah, I know, the pdoc SHOULD listen to you anyway but you're now classified as "paranoid" and we already know the doc is out-of-date.) You CAN get help, though it may take some work on your part. I had OCPD before I fell apart. Some similarities with paranoid, probably. And the notion that I had to do work that the professional SHOULD do (like find appropriate therapy) really stumped me. What really got to me, eventually, was if I didn't get myself the help I needed, there was no guarantee that anybody else would. At least it looks like the NHS is trying -- it is not too late. And though they may be inept and downright wrong sometimes, it looks to me like they're really trying to help.

Sounds to me like your early family life was dysfunctional enough to account for a lot of your difficulties now, as you have said.

You CAN get better. Even if your (current) pdoc doesn't think so (yet).