[signalfire001]

This is my first post on this site so I'll keep it short and sweet because I have no one else to talk to.

Since about the age of 19, my life has been a mess. I suffered extensive physical and mental abuse at university and instead of dealing with it, I shut down, but the way it has altered my personality is troubling me.

I have been on and off depression medications for years, self harmed, developed and eating disorder and more worryingly, I lie constantly.
I was made redundant from my graduate job and couldn't find work for over a year but I lied to my friends and family, leaving the house every morning and spending the day just wondering around for hours.
I lie about how much I earn, the job I have, the way I feel about people, everything to an extent. I'm utterly petrified of anyone knowing what I'm really like because I know I'm a dull, fat, ugly, useless girl with no future.
My only relationship is with my best friend whom I know uses me for both physical and financial reasons, I did love him but now I think I just depend on him. I find myself vying for his affection and approval.
He even calls me a Labrador puppy because of how I behave.

I just need help but I've seen the dr's, taken the pills, gone to therapy and still...I'm a mess. I spend a lot of my time alone in my room, pretending I'm somewhere else. I used to be such a happy, lively girl and now...I'm nothing.

I'm sorry for rambling and boring whoever was patient and kind enough to get to this point lol .Thank you for listening.

[allysinwonderland]

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I'm not sure if I'm qualified to answer your post, because I'm a hott mess myself. But know that you're NOT alone!
Life is hard. The economy is in the toilet and jobs are scarce. I know. I've been unemployed since my company was bought out and subsequently our work site was deemed unnecessary and closed in 2010. I live off the kindness of others and feel like a burden to them. But recently I was hospitalized for becoming suicidal and I found out that many of my friends and family would actually miss me if I was gone. I was shocked. I thought they were just as disgusted with me as I was. But they're not. They're compassionate about my situation. And I'm sure the people in your life love you too.
Hang in there sweet girl! Take time to love YOU and the rest will fall into place!
((HUGS))

[atomicc]

I wish I could be of more help to you but as ally said up there ^ a lot of us are also a bit messy. All I can do is offer up that we're all here to talk and listen. I really hope that you can pull yourself up or at least find some way to feel better somehow.
love <3

[waggiedog]

Hello there and welcome to PC. I'm sure, even given the way you are feeling, you'll find some friends here and a place/places where you can find help and advice, if not some possible answers. Believe it or not, I feel exactly the same as you, except I can add ''old'' to my party piece. Yes, I'm ugly, fat, depressed, have borderline personality disorder, fight drink and drug needs/addictions daily. Feel thick and brainless, useless because I don't have a job and haven't had a ''decent'' job for years. I've been back in the UK for five years & in that time couldn't even hold down a dead beat cleaning job, wasn't good enough apparently. Everybody made a point of looking down on me, great for my already non~existant confidence. Am at present very depressed, suicidal and struggling to find a reason to be here. So YES, I think you can see that there are people out here who share your thoughts. Even my Psych Dr has given up. I can't ''pretend'' anymore, to smile, to be '' normal '' so I've stopped going out. I'd like to be a friend if you'd like. Do stick around 'cos you will find help here hunny. HUGS. XX

[waggiedog]

For the attention of moderator maybe. I think I should have added a trigger icon to my above post. However I'm sorry but I don't know how to do this having never done it before. Sorry if I have offended anyone, no intention to do so. HUGS. XXXX

[ubis]

Hey Dude,

You know what my kid also suffering from ED, really i don't know what to do? but still i have confidence that things will change, everyone born in this world for some value. You are most prestigious and honorable person in this world. Don't bother about other's critique, they are meant for just negative comments, they are not going to live yours life. You are the man, you are responsible for entire life with great thoughts. You are the man of courage and respect. Imagine a small creature of frog exist all over the world for it's survival, why can't we?? May i pray god for deep sense of well being and happiness