Self-defeating personality/avoidant personality disorder?

I was just reading the thread on avoidant personality disorder and looked up some info. I identified so much with what I read. I remember my ex-t () mentioned that I had self-defeating personality. Does anyone know if these two disorders are related or possibly both parts of the same disorder?

Hey alibaby! A therapist told me I had avoidant personality. He didn't use the word "disorder" on the end though as he felt it was more judgemental or official.... something like that He did say that he believes avoidant personality can be helped. It is hard though sometimes if the fit between the therapist and client/patient isn't a good one.

People with avoidant personality disorder are very sensitive, and need a very aware, compassionate therapist. It can be hard to change, but it is very much possible.

I haven't heard the term self-defeating personality. I think all personality "disorders" have aspects that are self defeating.

I hope you heal well from this therapist and that your next experience is more positive. In the meantime, post as much as you need to. In fact, I hope you stay here with us ..... this site is a great supplement to therapy, or for people who are "in between" therapists.

Please take care, and again, welcome!

Fuzzy

PS I "hear" you when you wrote your

ex-t ( )

That is a GREAT start towards healing from any abusive therapist. Laugh at the little shyts!

Self-defeating personality isn't really a disorder - maybe he was referring to a behavior pattern. Probably most people who need therapy have some kind of self-defeating behavior patterns, particularly with any of the personality disorders.

I also wish you healing.

Rap

Fuzzybear,

Thanks for the response and the welcome. All of these personality disorders confuse me as I seem to have a mix of bits and pieces from all of them. Regarding ex-t ( ) any thought of him just upsets me to no end.

By the way, I got the Dr Seuss phrase from my husband. He wrote it in my youngest's yearbook when she graduated from kindergarten and it just stuck with me. When my therapy ended ( ) I realised that one of my problems is that I am afraid to speak up when I am not happy with things. The phrase reminds me to stop worrying about what others will think and just say what I have to say. I'm struggling with it but I'm trying.

Ali

Hey, I really relate to quite a bit of what you wrote!

Especially the bit about the ex-t ( )

I think it would be worth giving therapy another shot. This time, tell the therapist as soon as you aren't happy. I think those skills can and need to be translated to friendships too. Don't let things fester........but don't be mean either. These are hard skills to learn. And a GOOD therapist, not a ( ) therapist, will really help.

BTW I am also looking for a new therapist. I am a terrible procrastinator though.... there are lots of reasons why I have delayed. My former T was also ( )

Keep posting! There is much to be learnt here, and lots of good people and bears

Rapunzel,

Thanks for sharing that info. I know that the self-defeating personality was removed from the DSM. Now it makes sense. Makes me wonder about ex-t ( )and his supposed treatment plan for me. Now I really feel like I wasted time with him. What was he doing? ( ). I can say that I have learned something this evening.

Ali

hm yes. Sounds a very sucky situation.

Sending you good vibes, and we are here if you need us!!!

Please accept my ggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr to ( )

I just remembered that ex-t (still ) said that I have a "self-defeating or masochistic" type of personality. I have a tendency to set myself up for failure. I do things that I think will be good for my family but will ultimatly hurt me. He said I need to figure out why I keep punishing myself. I guess that's where the masochistic comes from. I so wish that I could be working on resolving this stuff. Then I wouldn't be sitting here being anrgry at ex-t for dropping me and upset with myself for setting myself up again by believing him. I just can't seem to get over this and it's been about a month. Sorry for going on. It's not usually my style as I try not to bother others with my problems. But I'm so glad I found this place where i can think out loud and not be attacked for it. And I get to work on the Dr Seuss quote.

"upset with myself for setting myself up again by believing him"

I do understand ( )

A month isn't long hon. I have read that it can take a "healthy" heart 2 years to heal from a major loss or betrayal. In my book, what your TheRapist has done to you is that!

So please be gentle with yourself. Talking here, without having to fear being judged and hurt, yet again, is a very positive thing you are doing for yourself.

I like listening to you

And, as I say to myself..... to h*** with the rest. To hell with those who don't want to listen. Then don't read it.

I love the quote!!!!!!

PM me if you would like to. Then the wide world won't read this too. But if you feel "safer" posting in the "open" .... I completely understand that too..

I wish you healing. You're strong for posting here. We are all works in progress. That isn't an original term, coined by me, but it's so very true

As for masochistic..... (?) I think therapists should be careful when they use terms like that. Terms like that can be damaging, if not explained and worked through. And it doesn't sound like he was a good T ( ) anyway.

Good riddance to him is what I say
Post as often as you like, or hide in the shadows like I often do. It's completely your choice

I hope I haven't growled on for too long

And another little pearl or gem.... "You are where you need to be at any given time"

And that is true, for me too, even if the opposite seems to be true

No, you haven't growled too much. I'll try to not use any more 's about ex-t. It's over and nothing will change that. I need to stop focusing on ex-t figure out what I will do next. I appreciate your words of encouragement.

ps...I'm having fun with smiles and other neat features.

Hoping things are going a bit better now..........

Things are ok.