i'm not a people person

jesus, what a hellish weekend. it's issues like this that make me suspect i may be schizoid PD. this is all unrelated to BP.

i have a long distance friend who lives in denmark. as i've said before i have lots of friends who i keep at a distance to make the friendship work - if i see people they don't remain my friends for long, i get so angry with them etc. she came to england this week and needed somewhere to stay. i stupidly offered her my spare bedroom, working on the basis that she said she had loads to do, lots of people to see, concerts to go to etc, and wouldn't be in much. but did she hell?

she was in my house ALL the time. we used to have one interest in common: a band, and now i'm not interested in that anymore. i don't begrudge anyone else who is still into this band, but i also don't want to talk about or hear about it constantly. but she didn't grasp this and went on about it ALL the time. about every 3rd sentence was about it. even my housemate (who i don't get on particularly well with) said "whenever she opened her mouth your face dropped".

but the bit that got me the most was that she sat there, watching tv with me, telling me i watch too much tv. my response, which is exactly true, was that as long as i get all my college work done, does it matter? no, of course it doesn't. i also said it's far more interesting to me than going out to meet people or go for a drink with people. she said that was nasty, but i don't care, it's true. if someone invites me out for a drink, the chances of me going are about 5%, i would rather have a tv show or a book - basically i like sitting on the sofa doing nothing, thinking about nothing much and definitely not seeing anyone.

i just couldn't wait to get rid of her, it's really hard to explain. it was just that she was *there* the whole time. there in MY house, in MY space, getting in the way of MY routines. i realise it sounds a bit selfish/petulant to the average person but it just made me desperate to be alone. it reminded me how much my housemates get on my nerves, constantly. it amplified all the people in my vicinity. it made me crave my space back, which i do whenever my housemates are being too obviously "there" but it was doubly bad.

it's just made me so much more aware of how much a people person i am, and that is NIL. i was so miserable yesterday night just because if i could've i'd have kicked her out onto the street, along with my housemates.

i've made a pact: never again will this girl, or anyone, stay over. my housemates can have people over if they like, so long as they don't talk to me.

I feel for you. I know that feeling of "Just get out of my way"..It sucks, dude. I know your pain, I really do. I'm here for you, pm me anytime. Have fun. -Michael-

It's hard having your routines disrupted so much, and feeling responsible for entertaining or maintaining conversation with somebody for extended periods.

I can't tell you how much sometimes I have craved just to have a few hours by myself. I want the TV off, and I don't want to talk to anybody. That was what really drove me nuts, I think when I was a stay-at-home-mom. I felt like I was suffocating because I never had even a few minutes with just me by myself and nobody around that I had to talk to or be responsible for. It felt like the weight of each minute built up until it was too much and I collapsed. Now on my day off I have a few hours alone in the house, and I try to arrange that day so that I don't have to go anywhere. Usually I have to use it for homework, but it still helps. I also lock myself in the bathroom for an hour or so and take a bubble bath or read. It's a necessity.