[povman]

I'm 31, live off my parents I've been shut-in this past 6 months and before that for similar periods of time. I've dropped out of university 5 or 6 times. I'm a stellar student when I can hack it but always get overwhelmed emotionally and have to drop out after a semester or less. I've never had solid friends for long, never dated, never had a GF. I've seen 3 or 4 psychiatrists with mixed results. I've been on one SSRI or another for years with little benefit, they flatten me out but do little else. The last psychiatrist I saw took me off all my meds and wanted to just do talk therapy. I went off my meds, though he didn't mention tapering or anything and didn't seem to care about that. I progressed a little in the talk therapy but he showed little if any compassion ever and often was upset that I wouldn't open up enough to him. He would use sarcasm and try to elicit anger at times. I stopped seeing him yesterday. I tried to get a job again for the Nth time this past week, my mother helped me get a graveyard job at a 7-11 4 night a week. I used to work at 7-11 years ago as an assistant manager. I did one shift but couldn't adjust to the anxiety, time shift etc, again I got overwhelmed. When I get overwhelmed I panic and run away, litterally, I'll take the car and go for a 2 - 3 drive, binge eat junk food and spend money. I've been having issue binge drinking as well, though I NEVER drink and drive.

I don't know if I specifically have APD, Many if not MOST of my symptoms fit but I've never been diagnosed as such. The psychiatrists I've seen never diagnosed me with anything beyond anxiety and depression, though I know my issues are deeper / more specific than that. Some of my symptoms also seem to closely resemble Borderline Personality Disorder at times.

My parents enable me by letting me live off them at my age, but I don't know what else I would be doing. I really think the next step is the street for me.

[Frankbtl]

Hi povman, it sounds like you've got so much piling up on top of you and you're feeling that nothing is going/going to go right?
I can completely understand how it must be so disheartening/making you feel hopeless (?) that you're not able to....you haven't got.....you haven't had.....you're still..........but I'd say that you are being really tough on yourself considering what you're going through. And maybe if you lightened up on what you "should" have/"should" be doing that might help just a little.
To begin with, you know if you're just not the "kind of person" that's suited to university (and it sounds like that right now) that seriously doesn't make you worth any the less than someone who is. There can be way more than that in life/about someone. And it is sounding that you're putting some unnecessary pressure on yourself by going back...and back...and back.
As for friends/a girlfriend maybe narrow that down to something that's comfortably achievable for you now, and even if that's just getting out more, or talking to other people more then that really is great. It's a step on the ladder, maybe a longish ladder but it's a step and that matters!!
But I'd still say that the most important thing is focusing on you feeling better in yourself, never mind everything/anything else it's you that counts!!
It does sound like you've not had that much luck with psychiatrists, but hey, at least you've found that talking can help you which is really good. So now maybe if you can look for a psychiatrist who's going to be more understanding/empathetic, you know there's going to be scope there. Alongside them making sure you're actually going to be prescribed with any medication you may need!!
And I can see how it must be really hard for you to handle the concept/responsibilities of "work"/ a "job". It must seem like an overwhelming thing (??) to you feeling like you're feeling. So try not to feel like it's hopeless task, it's more so that things ARE hard for you. Perhaps have a think about what might make it easier for you on the "work" front. That might even be trying a voluntary job for now?? Less "pressure" and the people showing you what you might be needing to do could be a bit more accommodating. AND a step on the ladder!!
And do you think the binge drinking is kind of "filling a gap" or maybe "self medicating" or...............?? That could be something you talk to a new psychiatrist about, unless you (we??) could pin it down a little more. Perhaps if you have a cause or/and alternative that could help?
I've got to say that you're coming across as really insightful/reflective in thinking that your parents are enabling you!! I really couldn't say if this is the case but you know without a job/employment......it is what it is.....not that many alternatives other than living with them. BUT that doesn't mean that they can't be "enabling you" to be able to start putting things more together for yourself.
Do you think that maybe you could invite them to a session/s with a psychiatrist (once they've got your background!) so that you can all work together, and the psychiatrist can be advising them on the best courses to help you?? So that they are still supportive of you, but they are also encouraging/helping you in the best way to become more "self-sufficient" or "able".
And you know, 31 isn't really that old!! You do still have plenty of time ahead of you, with the right help, to start to gradually turn things around for yourself. Just allow yourself one step at a time to work towards where you are going to feel most comfortable/satisfied/fulfilled wherever that may be.
Best wishes
Alison

[RogueWolf]

You sound like you're doing better than me though I was out of home by about14/15ish. My parents never really gave a sht where I was though they would tell you different. I am 30 and have little to no job skills, no trust in people, no joy in life. I find everything to be bullsht or stupid. Like relationships, I try them but it always turns into the same lies and crap. It's always the same in the end, always bs. I want a job to get more money but I have no licence, no car and no skills in particular. Now I mostly stay at home and play video games, when I'm not sleeping and contemplating suicide or having other bad urges. I have been known to be a bit destructive both toward myself and toward others, though with them it is more thier property since I am quite a small person who also has ptsd and a PD. I basically am just waiting to die I guess. I have a cnt of a neighbour who harrasses me, pysically assults me and using false claims on restraining orders against me- although I am quite capable of smashing his stuff I haven't done it and certainly wouldn't do the piddly little crap he accuses me of if I was going to- I would do much worse, I have before when provoked. Also he is a male, I am a female. I think I have gone off track anyway don't feel so bad at least you work somtimes, I haven't had a job in years though I have lived through a lot of abuse and on the streets so in fact I have probably worked a lot harder than the jerks who bish at me cos they have jobs and I don't or cos I am on disability pension. Anyway chin up or whatever I have kind of lost the point of this.

[RogueWolf]

Oh right the point is - I am a small female who apparently looks quite innocent. I have lived on the streets, been abused in many ways, my family don't give 1 straight fk about me, I have no friends and noone has ever really cared what happens to me or looked out for me after I was about 14ish. If you end up on the streets it isn't death. I survived it, you probably can but hopefully it won't come to that. One thing I will tell you though is this, if u do end up on streets don't trust anyone including you family and friends cos once they see you as a streety they won't care about you. That might have come across a bit morbid but it is what it is and it isn't forever. There are a lot of places you can get help to find accomodation- just not from family or friends usually at least not in my case. Everything you do that they don't like just becomes a game for them to lord things over you and power play you and if you disagree they kick you right back out into the rain. You begin to be seen as free labor- do my dishes or get out (no not just the dishes you use, didn't use any cos you bought your own food? too bad mofo do my dishes anyway or get out- that style of thing.) But there are shelters and crisis numbers that can help. Also stay away from other streety's hang outs for the most part unless you know them from before. Hope it doesn't come to that for you.

[nummy]

Can you get disability so you can get off graveyard shift? That shift won't help you.

Have you been on a atypical antipsychotic? Don't be out off by the word. They can really help.