Has anyone here been told that the reason therapist, docs, nurses, ect. don't tell you that you are doing well because it will make you worse? I do better when people compliment me and tell me that I am doing well. I do worse when they don't. The theory is that a borderline wants attention therefore if they are told they are doing better they will act out making themselves worse again. I think this is bolonia. (Sorry can't spell) Plus it makes me angry when people tell me I am seeking attention.

[complic8d]

hmmm, never thought of it that way. I guess it could cause acting out. I know I get "scared" when people think I'm doing better, because then they won't know when I'm not. But, I fish for compliments from my t, looking for some sort of credit for NOT acting out. We're a messed up bunch

Yeah, I've heard that a fair few people with BPD react badly to clinician's telling them they are doing well. This is because of the concern that if clinician's think they are doing well then clinician's will stop trying to help. Or the concern that if clinician's think they are doing well then clinician's aren't seeing that there is still a lot of pain and stuff.

But sure, I like compliments too :-)

[Rapunzel]

Sounds very familiar to me. I can see the pattern. When T gives me positive feedback I tend to ignore it, reject it, argue with it, or self-destruct. She didn't say that she doesn't give me compliments because I'm borderline (she hasn't ever told me that I'm borderline, but if the shoe fits, wear it). She has told me it is because of the way that I respond to positive feedback though.

Yeah. Sometimes it can take a little bit of time for clinician's to learn how to compliment you in a way that you can feel better rather than worse about yourself.

I would... Try and fish for them ;-)

'Aren't I doing well??? I think I'm doing pretty well and I'm fairly proud of me are you proud of me too???'

And when they answer you can say 'Really???'

And suss whether they are genuine ;-)

[complic8d]

Oh, the "games" we can play, and not even realize we are playing them. This doesn't make me feel good about myself.

[(JD)]

If you do or say something that warrants praise, then I'll give it to you !

I am becoming a fast believer in Positive Psychology and as long as I don't reward bad behavior, but reinforce all the good things about you, we both come out ahead of the game!!!

A "game"?

You could say 'wah, I want some reinforcement'. That wouldn't be a game, that would be being direct. I didn't think mine was a 'game' exactly, because I guess I envisaged it being said in a jokey tone and the 'validate me!' message was fairly clear... Though... Probably best not to assume.

Sometimes... The hardest thing in the world can be to ask for what you need. Because... The person might not give it to you :-(

But seriously... Maybe you aren't being complimented because they are afraid that you won't like it and they don't want you to feel worse. Maybe... Ask them? Just say 'how come you don't compliment me, I was wondering because I like compliments'. I guess that would be fairly direct...

[Soidhonia]

Hello everyone. I would just like to say it feels much better to get the help you need by being honest with your Dr than getting attention that is not meeting your emotional and personal needs. As long as you are thriving and striving to get the help you need in a positive manner, you will be more able to tolerate the bad comments as well as the good comments from the Dr and society. It is much easier to accept the truth and grow in your recovery than not regain the confidence needed to persevere in life. Take care Sll Sincerely Soidhonia

[hope71]

I just found this website and am having a bit of trouble navigating my way around it.
I am Borderline and am really, really struggling. Wonder if anyone can help?

[Rapunzel]

Hope, welcome to PC. Do you have specific questions about navigating? You are welcome to ask if you do. I think that most people find that they catch on a little more and more as they go. One thing that might not be obvious is how to start your own new threads. There is a button near the top of the page that says "New Topic." To send a PM (private message), click on somebody's name and follow the directions from there. You'll get it.

Rap

[biplol]

Hope71, Welcome to PC, PM me anytime.