[karamia]

my cousin's granddaughter is 14, and has signs of both being a-moral and a sociopath. both her father and her grandfather are diagnosed sociopaths and now she is showing all the symptoms. she is currently seeing a therapist who is going to run her through the series of tests to give us a more definate answer, but she is completely out of control. she has been kicked out of public school, private school, and now the touter who is home schooling her cannot continue to do so because she had robbed the woman blind. she steals anything she can get her hands on (from keys to pills to stacks of printer paper) from everyone, she was sneaking out until we found out about it and put deadbolts on the front and back doors. you have to use a key to get in and to get out, and the keys have to be kept around my cousin's neck. she has absolutly no regard for anyone else's feelings or well being, her great grandmother has alzheimers and i have seen her on several occasions cuss the poor woman out for being in her way in the hallway, and shove her around. and she is not in good health by any means and really doesnt have a clue what is going on anymore. also, the lying is amazing. she got caught the other day with her hand in my wallet, and when i asked her what she was doing, she said she was looking for the remote....in my wallet....?? even when caught she will not admit to it, ever. we are both over our heads here, and if anyone has any suggestions for possible state funded programs or camps for such cases, let me know please. HELP!

~kara

her father and granfather are diagnosed sociopaths......
could she possibly be acting out?
the only suggestion i have is to try to have some compassion for her. she is only a child, and is herself a victim of generations of mental illness.
i realize you must do what you must do out of fear or out of self protection....
just try not to forget that behind the thick wall of "a-moral" behavior, is a little girl who is in need.

[karamia]

she was not raised with either one of them, and the child has been raised with nothing but love and compassion, everytime we try and talk to her, and see if we cant possibly resolve the situation peacfully she tells us that its not her problem, its ours. when we tell her she is going to end up killing her grandmother she shruggs and says "oh well". we have tried just about every angle...

Is she seeing a psychologist currently? It sounds like there is a need for her to go individually, and for the family to go together to organize an approach to dealing with her behavior before it escalates to law breaking At that point, the decision making will be taken out of your control. You really don't want that to happen if at all possible.

So, what sort of treatment has she had so far?

emmy

I would avoid trying to label a hurting teenager. When we label kids we tend to get what we label them with. They can detect our attitude towards them. I'm not saying that she shouldn't receive testing necessarily, but all caregivers should look at her as a good loving child. I have no kids of my own.. so take my opinion worth a grain of salt, but my dad always thought my brother would be a failure and so thats all he saw in him. My brother is now on drugs. I believe in self-fullfilling prophesies, not in a mysterious way but b/c what I think of you, determines how I treat you. and How I treat you, determines how you will be inclined to act. See the link? Even just knowing that my father and grandfather were sociopaths (or at least people thought they were) would cause me great pain as a 14 year old child!! Just think if that were you. Ugh. I'd feel hopeless.
I pray for you to have wisdom in the best way to deal with the situation.

EV

i just wanted to add, that i work with kids... a lot of teens act this way. i did, and the more parents tried to tell me what to do, the worse it got.( i do not have antisocial personality disorder... )
without offending you, i hope i can offer the suggestion of taking parenting classes. i am not implying that you and your cousin are bad caregivers, but you seem overwhelmed, and unsure of how to handle her behavior.

[h0kie]

As Dr. Phil says, you have to decide "what is her pay off?".

I agree with the suggestions here. The family should be in therapy, she should be in therapy, and parenting classes wouldn't hurt. They may give ideas that had never been thought of before.

I, too, work with kids and the ones who are hardest to love, need the most love (and usually some help). and keep us posted.

[kimmydawn]

i so feel for the situation. i don't know that personality disorders can be inherited? maybe traits can? i'm not sure about that.

however, one question i have is...has this child heard alot about her father and grandfather and has she been compared to them in earshot or to face...she could be thinking, "they think that, therefore i am". many teens have that frame of mind.

i so agree with counseling for everyone involved. she needs alot of special attn. and not the giving kind. she needs massive structure...for every second of every day. that's a full time job and hard on any parent of any teen.

i wish you all so well. i do know that a child cannot be dx'ed sociopath. it can only be dx'ed as an adult. she sounds more like a very angry young lady who's acting act on her anger and possibly the attention she's getting from it.

i hope so much for this child and the family. you all have a long row to hoe.

kd