[Zykra]

So the holidays have just ended and in those holidays,I've realised that I have essential tremor(was Kind of diagnosed by GP)
I'm not sure whether it's because of that but I started school last week and in the last few weeks/more when I started school I've been feeling really miserable and I have no idea why.People at school tell me I'm way to serious,they ask me why I barely laugh,they call me emotionless(I wouldn't call them friends but I'm their friend,and also they weren't bullying me they were informing me),Even I've come to terms with me being cold hearted.
Ever since I've started scoundary school(I'm in my 3rd year,year 9) I've just started hating everyone I don't want to talk to anyone,I just want to keep to myself,but I don't really have much choice but to communicate with others

I'm not sure if I'm depressed, even if I was there would be no reason to be.I actually consider myself to be really happy at the moment even though I don't show it.
I usually only laugh around my family, mainly my sister but even she's been telling me that I don't smile or laugh as much as before.

I mean the few things that are keeping me happy are:
In a few years I'm planning on getting a koto(tradional japanese instrument)And I just can't wait because O_O it's so beautiful....the sound

I'm also going to be taking bass guitar lessons soon which is gonna be awessoooom.

And last of all I kind of like this girl,okay not like ,love,shes just so T_T sigh*
I don't really know her though I see her on my way to school every morning(I'm pansexual btw)

OH and also I've been digital drawing using a wacom tablet quite a bit so I guess it kind of just relaxes me?

The only time someone will see me smile,is the person I go home with from school because I also see the girl I love sometimes on my way home.
And when I see her, Jesus H Christ, my smile is like....yeh...it just can't get any bigger.
Anyways one thing for sure is that if I don't get a koto then surely I'm going to lock myself up in room,that's how passionate I am about learning koto.
The other day my friend was asking whether I've felt like I've wanted to die or felt suicidal and just wanted to kill myself.I think she was expecting a yes because of how miserable I seem.But truth is I haven't, I've never felt like I've wanted to die.Never.I told my sister this and even she was quite surprised.
From what I know, I only have a few links to autism.
But other then that I don't know why I've been acting like this.

[kaliope]

well your title states why am i miserable but there is nothing in your post that states that you are miserble. you dont discuss being unhappy, you say you are looking forward to your future, you are happy around people you are comfortable with, it just sound like you are not comfortable socially but this doesnt seem to bother you, so what is the problem? if you are fine with it, it doesnt matter what other people think.