[blu.eyed.girl]

ive been having ECT treatment on and off for years..here a course of ECT is 6 treatments over 2 weeks (3 a week) and is done in hospital..most people get 12 treatments over 4 weeks with the idea that if 6 helps then 12 will help more..if the treatment works a lot of patients go on to get maintenance which starts as once a week for a few months then once a fortnight for a few months and then once every 3 weeks and so on until you eventually arent having it..if you relapse during the time or even after then you go back into hospital and have another 6-12 treatments....
ive worked my way through the program and have been having treatment ever 2 weeks..after my last treatment my dr said he thought i was ready to move on to every 3 weeks and so we said my next treatment would be booked for 3 weeks from my previous one..
i called last week to confirm the details with the ECT clinic only to find that i wasnt booked in at all..so i called my dr and found out he was away for the week so i tried to book an appointment with him for asap to organise treatment but the earliest app i could get was for the 11th of MARCH (this was on the 9th of feb)..i asked his assistant to get him to call me when he got back..my mom called this morning knowing he was back to try and sort it out because ive been stressing and couldnt bring myself to make the call and mom is the person who has to take me in for treatment (you have to be accompanied because of having an anaesthetic)..
she texted him and called him today (my dr) and he hasnt responded and its nearly 3pm and i know he finishes at 4 on a monday..if he doesnt get back to us today we cant organise it for this week which will push the treatment into next week at the earliest which is 4 weeks since my last treatment..
my mind is controlling me and i feel like i cant stop it..its saying he wont call back and i will have to wait till i see him in march to organise it which will mean i wont get treatment until at least the 13th of march..it will be about 6-7 weeks by then since i had treatment..my mind keeps telling me if he cared about me he would have made sure it was organised before he left and if he hadnt done that then he would have called by now but he hasnt called so he must not care about me or my recovery and keeping me well in which case why should i care about me and my recovery..no one else gives a damn if i recover (in my mind) even though logically i know there are people who care..but the one person who matters in my treatment..my own dr..doesnt care enough to contact me and has effed up my treatment..my mind says i should hurt myself because no one cares if i do anyway..it says no one cares and im worthless and will never get better..i hate myself and i hate my head for making me hate myself

[healingme4me]

It's positive that you are recognizing that your logic is coming through. Doctors, often, find themselves bogged down in the busyness of their office schedules. Rationally, no cause, for alarm. It is the pits, to feel forgotten in the scheduling. Probably, not just yourself, but other patients. Does he have a p. Nurse or secretary to help make arrangements, while out of the office?

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