A new study has found that people who are less willing to apologize also tend to be less self-compassionate. Sometimes when people are hard to love--that is when they need love the most but bridging the gap is not always easy.

https://tonic.vice.com/en_us/article...ever-apologize

Interesting article. I've never seen that website. Lot's of goodies to read!

[Skeezyks]

"Unapologetic people may actually be so mired in shame of their wrongdoings that they withdraw from the situation entirely." (They have my number.)

[TishaBuv]

They don’t apologize because they are not sorry.

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

"Unapologetic people may actually be so mired in shame of their wrongdoings that they withdraw from the situation entirely." (They have my number.)

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

They don’t apologize because they are not sorry.

I agree with both of these reasons--there are so many reasons. Sometimes I don't apologize to my H about things I know I will eventually do to him again, I think to myself, am I really sorry/sincere if I know I will eventually do it all over again? And of course, when you keep doing the same things over and over, the other person just isn't going to accept the apology. Then there is the situation where my H will say I don't truly mean what I am saying making it hard to apologize. I can understand. I have been diagnosed with a mood disorder and my emotions towards my husband are all over the place. But I do believe that when we feel bad about things we have done it is healing to confess it, apologize to the people we have wronged and try to set things straight.....

[ArcheM]

It's part of it for me, but I also have trouble interacting with people even in mundane situations, not to mention something so tense as to require an apology... It's easier if the interaction is in written form.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

They don’t apologize because they are not sorry.

As the resident malignant narcissist of PC I will confirm this as correct even if a bit simplistic.

For me it's not just that I'm not sorry. It's also that I don't see whatever I did as a big deal/at all serious/wrong. I see it as normal.

Here's the thing about that: if I acknowledge the things I've done as being gravely and seriously wrong, then that would force me to look at things that have been done to me as gravely and seriously wrong and frankly I cannot tolerate that.

So I minimize what I do to others into it not mattering at all because I have to see things that have been done to me as not mattering at all/having zero effect on me because if those things actually affected me then that totally shatters my sense of self.

In other words: as per usual, it's not about you, it's about me of course!

As for why the unusual amount of insight: I've been in therapy for NPD for a long time now.

[seaway116]

Thank you for sharing this article, Hopingtrying!
Hope it'll help all of us who have trouble admitting they're wrong (and those we have important relationships with) to understand the reasons why apologizing is so hard - and to be just a little bit more compassionate with ourselves when we just can't bring ourselves to say "I'm sorry; I was wrong"...

[PsychoPhil]

For whatever they've done wrong, some people come up with a story why what they did was actually right, or insist they didn't do it in the first place, and then naturally they never apologize.

I'm not sure what's worse: believing that nothing we do is ever wrong, or spreading lies when feeling guilty.

[Steiger]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

As the resident malignant narcissist of PC I will confirm this as correct even if a bit simplistic.

For me it's not just that I'm not sorry. It's also that I don't see whatever I did as a big deal/at all serious/wrong. I see it as normal.

Here's the thing about that: if I acknowledge the things I've done as being gravely and seriously wrong, then that would force me to look at things that have been done to me as gravely and seriously wrong and frankly I cannot tolerate that.

So I minimize what I do to others into it not mattering at all because I have to see things that have been done to me as not mattering at all/having zero effect on me because if those things actually affected me then that totally shatters my sense of self.

In other words: as per usual, it's not about you, it's about me of course!

As for why the unusual amount of insight: I've been in therapy for NPD for a long time now.

The resident malignant narcissist of PC! What a fine pleasure it is to meet your acquaintance. I don't know that I could espouse a similarly commanding title, but suffice is to say I'm sure we could relate famously. Anyhow, do stop by to say hello sometime if you feel so inclined, although it is unfortunately likely you'll keep your distance. Sad for me indeed. In any regard, I thought it be the respectable thing to introduce myself and extend a warm friendly hand. Cheers to greatness.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by Steiger

The resident malignant narcissist of PC! What a fine pleasure it is to meet your acquaintance. I don't know that I could espouse a similarly commanding title, but suffice is to say I'm sure we could relate famously. Anyhow, do stop by to say hello sometime if you feel so inclined, although it is unfortunately likely you'll keep your distance. Sad for me indeed. In any regard, I thought it be the respectable thing to introduce myself and extend a warm friendly hand. Cheers to greatness.

Well hello there.

I do tend to relate to the antisocially inclined such as yourself quite well, I'm more similar to an antisocial than to a classical narcissist in a few ways due to more extreme behaviors that I manifest currently and have manifested in the past, and my amount of insight into my "condition" is unusually high due to several factors.

If you wish to converse with me you're more than welcome to write to me publicly or privately, I am not a shy creature.

[Steiger]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

Well hello there.

I do tend to relate to the antisocially inclined such as yourself quite well, I'm more similar to an antisocial than to a classical narcissist in a few ways due to more extreme behaviors that I manifest currently and have manifested in the past, and my amount of insight into my "condition" is unusually high due to several factors.

If you wish to converse with me you're more than welcome to write to me publicly or privately, I am not a shy creature.

Well you've got me tickled. I look forward to it.

[cool09]

MH Professionals. They lie and betray you and apologizing isn't in their vocabulary.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by cool09

MH Professionals. They lie and betray you and apologizing isn't in their vocabulary.

This, honestly I couldn't have said it better myself.

[katydid777]

Originally Posted by Hopingtrying

A new study has found that people who are less willing to apologize also tend to be less self-compassionate. Sometimes when people are hard to love--that is when they need love the most but bridging the gap is not always easy.

https://tonic.vice.com/en_us/article...ever-apologize

This is my H, and my brother totally!!!!!!!