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I hate myself
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Trig May 19, 2020 at 01:00 AM
  #1
I am able to feel fear and worry for those that I love, even if my mom and pap pissed me off to the point of thinking they are annoying, I still can worry about them. I worry about my brother if he isn't near me without telling me. Plus I feared being murdered because of my fear of home invasions, this was triggered by watching those crime documentaries, and when my ex-girlfriend's friends threatened to beat me up or kill me despite the threats being empty.



I can feel grief because I was really upset when my dog, fish, and great-grandmother died. I was crying and easily upset. I also felt empty, sad, and low despite not crying when someone who followed me online, my older neighbor down the street, my other great-grandmother, and my parakeet passed away? I felt the worst about my great grandmother because I really cared about and liked her. In fact, sometimes when I think about her too much I want to cry still despite it being 2 years. It took a week or 2 for reality too hit me, and I lost it once I saw her obituary. Both shock and grief were the emotions that day.


I am able to feel remorse because once I yelled at one of my birds(who was rehomed), because he bit me... once I realized I upset and scared him, I began crying, kissing him, apologizing to him. And I feel guilt for the masturbating too, to the point it ruined 2018 for me.


I am able to feel compassion and empathy because I wanted to cry seeing a picture of a helpless long-beaked bird. I could just tell in his eyes he felt so scared and sad.(It wasn't physically crying, the look in his/her eyes and it looked like it was squaking.) I feel the urge to hug others, especially the exceeds from Fairy Tail(fictional characters) when they are feeling down even to the point in sometimes practicing compassion with my pillow.


Doesn't the above prove I'm not either a psychopath and sociopath?
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Default May 19, 2020 at 02:58 PM
  #2
I can't say whether you are a sociopath or psychopath because I am not a psychotherapist or a psychiatrist. But it sounds like you have empathy. You are able to show grief and feel bad if you see someone hurting. You seem to be able to realize if you hurt someone/something. I think these sound like good qualities. Don't worry about labels. Just try to be the best you that you can be. HUGS Kit

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I hate myself
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Trig May 19, 2020 at 06:30 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by SlumberKitty View Post
I can't say whether you are a sociopath or psychopath because I am not a psychotherapist or a psychiatrist. But it sounds like you have empathy. You are able to show grief and feel bad if you see someone hurting. You seem to be able to realize if you hurt someone/something. I think these sound like good qualities. Don't worry about labels. Just try to be the best you that you can be. HUGS Kit

Well, I mean, I don't want to be a sociopath and I already proven myself i'm not a psychopath by these incidents and my constant low scores on ASPD tests. So if I can get rid of the violent thoughts and urges? That would be good, I just want to be healthy and happy.

I don't want negative intrusive thoughts about soft, fluffy, or innocent creatures. I love them. The problem is I cannot really feel other's pain, it was just that moment I felt and noticed that bird's pain... other than that, I am really compassionate. It's just somehow I have these violent thoughts and urges, I never wanted or asked for, but they just happened somehow.


God I miss the good times without the thoughts. I miss being able to jam to power metal without worrying about my violent thoughts trying to take over, I miss not being numb, I miss watching anime with motivation.

Last edited by bluekoi; May 19, 2020 at 07:58 PM.. Reason: To bring withing community guidelines.
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