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Fuzzybear
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Trig Dec 15, 2022 at 12:51 PM
  #1
Do you value your ''success'' and perceived ''success'' in others, and YOUR needs above all else?

We are saying empathy is a ''weakness'' especially in boys. BS imho.

Do you LOVE labelling people? (in black and white terms, ''weak'', ''strong'')

I don't know one human whose life has not been touched/harmed by a pathological Narcissist (or more than one)..

Some of them can be very '''likeable''

SHE - A covert Narcissist - said ''I gave you many chances''

YEAH RIGHT. NO self awareness - HER

When Narcissists enter therapy and become self aware... what they see is the deep insecurity and emptiness. They become very depressed in treatment finding and becoming more self aware of this insecurity and emptiness.... ''weakness''

Not about anyone on msf

Not about the situation in the world

Please don't bite me thank you. I'm ''slowly'' learning since I do not have the luxury of a non narcissistic therapist to help me.

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Default Dec 15, 2022 at 01:12 PM
  #2
Wow! Some really important subjects here fuzzy.

When I was working I was not motivated by money. As long as I had enough income to pay my living expenses I was okay what what I made. If the kids I worked with got better I considered myself a success. Does that make sense?

I do not believe empathy is a weakness. I believe it takes strength to have empathy. It takes strength to accept that others are different from us and not view them as wrong or damaged. I had a friend who defined "strength" as denying all emotions and holding them in. I believe the opposite. I believe it takes strength and self-acceptance to express and own our emotions. I believe it takes strength to admit we need and accept help from others.

I try to avoid labeling others. I miss the goal some times, but I try.
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Default Dec 27, 2022 at 02:10 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuzzybear View Post
Do you value your ''success'' and perceived ''success'' in others, and YOUR needs above all else?

Yes, yes, and yes. I’m diagnosed with NPD, so there you have it.

Quote:
We are saying empathy is a ''weakness'' especially in boys. BS imho.
Boys/men do seem to get this message more strongly than women do.

Obviously, it’s a given that I lack empathy. But, I don’t see why it would be some kind of “weakness” in and of itself, you can’t help how your brain is wired.

Quote:
Do you LOVE labelling people? (in black and white terms, ''weak'', ''strong'')

For me it’s less about “weak and strong” and more like, “success and failure”. I don’t “love” labeling people, it’s a largely unconscious habitual way of perceiving the world for me.


Quote:
I don't know one human whose life has not been touched/harmed by a pathological Narcissist (or more than one)..
Isn’t that the truth? I haven’t met a single person that hasn’t been harmed by a pathological Narcissist either. Just the other day someone I just met started talking to me about how their narcissistic mother ruined their life and my my, they weren’t kidding…

Quote:
Some of them can be very '''likeable''
Typically, Narcissists often come across as likable. Why? Well, I care about presenting an outstanding self-image, so coming across as “likable” comes with that territory.

Quote:
SHE - A covert Narcissist - said ''I gave you many chances''

YEAH RIGHT. NO self awareness - HER

“I gave you many chances”, is such a typical gaslighting phrase. My observation is that phrase is very uncreative on her part. My father (a psychopath) enjoyed saying this one too.

Quote:
When Narcissists enter therapy and become self aware... what they see is the deep insecurity and emptiness. They become very depressed in treatment finding and becoming more self aware of this insecurity and emptiness.... ''weakness''

Not about anyone on msf

Not about the situation in the world

Please don't bite me thank you. I'm ''slowly'' learning since I do not have the luxury of a non narcissistic therapist to help me.
Self-awareness was something I had long before I got decent therapy, and it’s true that it was a painful process to face that void inside myself. I spent years introspecting on some very dark things and well, I’m still doing that work and will be doing that work for the rest of my life. I’m okay with that.

I won’t bite you, you’ve been kind to me before and I don’t forget such things easily. If anything, I’m proud of you for using your voice here and I hope you can do so more often. Why? As odd as it may sound coming from a Narcissist; I like hearing what you have to say.

Most of my therapists were pretty bad too, definitely ran into at least two fellow Narcissists in the process.

Edit: fixed a formatting error, I knew I’d make at least one of those, lol.
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Default Dec 29, 2022 at 06:43 PM
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuzzybear View Post
Do you value your ''success'' and perceived ''success'' in others, and YOUR needs above all else?

We are saying empathy is a ''weakness'' especially in boys. BS imho.

Do you LOVE labelling people? (in black and white terms, ''weak'', ''strong'')

I don't know one human whose life has not been touched/harmed by a pathological Narcissist (or more than one)..

Some of them can be very '''likeable''

SHE - A covert Narcissist - said ''I gave you many chances''
(
I resonate a lot with this. My mother died, and I had a relative insist I was too angry to go to my mom’s cremation, and told me my brother insisted I was too angry and would likely say something inappropriate.

My relationship to my mom and brother is fractured; my mom used to enable my then adult brother to physically assault me to control me (as a young teen). They would tell me I was crazy. The experience was traumatizing.

My brother told my aunt that I’m not allowed to go because of my “anger” siting that I will act inappropriately.

It feels like every emotion admitted to is put under a microscope and used against me. Normal emotions are magnified as all bad, dangerous (despite the fact they acted in a dangerous fashion). The end result is keeping the attention on themselves and putting me on the defensive, and appearing combative if I call them out. They tell me they will not drag out my abuser’s past but will use anything I’ve said in the past in a moment of grief, so they can frame it negatively, and make me feel as if my emotions are wrong, or all bad, and viewed negatively by everyone.

Between my mom and brother strong emotions were something to exploit, and they liked adding fuel to the fire to make the problem look like it’s all your fault.

Additionally often the end result is also positive attention on them, gaining status, and using the status to covet money, inheritance because if weren’t so terrible and didn’t “abuse” them with accusations or by exhibiting a trauma response, you’d be more deserving.

In reality there is no winning over the relationship even if you appease them and stay quiet.
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