BPD and quit therapy

I was recently diagnosed with BPD. I have only been in therapy for about 2 months. Earlier this week, I had a bad session.

I got angry because I felt like she was criticizing and challenging me too much. I told her therapy isn't helping, although it's already done wonders for my anxiety and is helping me to understand (but not yet control) my fits of rage. She said it would not be good if I "bolted," and asked that I make at least one more appointment. I didn't. I know I need help, but I can't seem to pick up the phone and make a new appointment.

One problem is that I'm not working. I can't see myself as a person who needs help while also seeing myself as a functional, capable job seeker. I've been putting off looking for a job for weeks. I tell myself that I'll get a job first and then go back to therapy.

I think this is part of my black and white thinking. But maybe I need to go along with my old, bad way of thinking just long enough to start working, and then go back to therapy to fix it later. I keep going back and forth. I hate ambiguity, and I hate when decisions are up in the air. I know that is part of my problem, too.

Has anyone else with BPD quit therapy? What did you decide to do?

Thanks for any input and/or support you may offer.

Hi Orange.

I am starting with a new T too. It sucks. I feel just like you! I hate my new T.

But, I have also quit therapy cold turkey in the past. For me, it turned out to be horrible. I kept thinking about it, about my T, about if I "hurt her,", etc. It just bothered me, no matter how much I tried to put it out of my mind. IN one case, I actually months later contacted the T to "patch things up."

I think it was nice that your T suggested that you schedule one appointment before you "bolt." It sort-of shows that she cares about you.

They say that for BPD, psychotherapy is the only way to improve. Do you want your life to improve? If yes, call her and try and work through it.

I can tell you, I felt exactly like you did. (See post in psycotherapy formum about Rip hating T)

Good luck!!!

It is so common for those with BPD to quit therapy that it's recognized as a major reason that BPD is hard to treat.

Please tell your therapist how you feel. This is part of the BPD that you're experiencing. As you said, therapy is helping.

I have made a commitment to myself: that I won't quit this time no matter what. And at the time I feel most like quitting I recognize now is the time I most need to be there.

Hang in there, it's working and releiving your anxiety. Having angry feelings come up is part of how it all works. You're doing fine

Maybe what you need right now is supportive therapy that helps you build upon your strengths rather than critical therapy that tries to restructure your personality or whatever the hell criticism is supposed to do.

Could you tell your therapist that you need to feel competent in order to search for work and that that criticism is something that gets you down too much? It might be that she could switch strategies. Would help you build up a good relationship... And maybe help you get a job, too.

Could you send her a letter or something like that?

I never made it longer than 6 weeks with one therapist. But that was when they still thought I had postpartum depression....not borderline or maybe bipolar.

I had one therapist say - actual words to me - "I don't know how to help you".

I just kinda gave up. For about a year & a half I just managed on my own. I just got a new therapist last week.

I don't know what to tell you, except that it's normal and a huge sign for BPD. One thing- you probably got a correct diagnosis!

> I had one therapist say - actual words to me - "I don't know how to help you".

That's better than "You do not want to be helped."

I have BPD.

I have managed to sabotage or quit every single therapist relationship I have ever had in some way.

The longest was three years, when I was a teen.. but I only went then because my mom and grandmother made me go. Even then I skipped out on appointments all the time.

My pattern seems to be - start, have a few sessions, get anxious, avoid avoid avoid...quit.

> I have managed to sabotage or quit every single therapist relationship I have ever had in some way.

I also seem to have a similar problem. I have even been accused of it some times. At the moment, I am sticking with mine (more than a year!) but I think of quitting often. Actually, I think that with a really good one I would not think of quitting, but a "good therapist is hard to find". Especially one who is good with extreme cases. But if they are here to help, they ought to be able to help when the need is greatest, not be able to help only when you don't really need it!

You have a choice.

> You have a choice.

You know, I went so long as a child without being allowed to make any choices, that I almost forgot that such a thing is possible. Even now, I often react as though there are none.

Actually, pachyderm, I think we made the choice (albeit unconsciously) not to allow ourselves to be squashed by our childhood oppressors which is why I can be such a pain in the butt now. We couldn't teach ourselves there was anything else out there and when to leave off.

> I think we made the choice (albeit unconsciously) not to allow ourselves to be squashed by our childhood oppressors

I did not know that I had succeeded in any way in doing that. I thought I was gone. I am beginning to think that was a wrong conclusion, but I guess I could not have known that then.

> I went so long as a child without being allowed to make any choices

Actually, I could choose anything I wanted -- as long as it was the choice my mother had decided upon.

Thanks for the encouragement!

I made an appointment for tomorrow. I was so scared to call, and then it was no big deal. I just needed to wait a few days until the emotion of last week was more distant.

I will ask whether we can do anything to make sessions feel less critical. Maybe she will say that she doesn't think they are critical and ask why I feel that way; if so, I will try not to take it personally and storm off or close up!

Hearing from other people helped a lot. I will try to mention that tomorrow and see if she thinks some sort of group therapy would help. If I know I'm not the only person with issues like this, I feel like I'm not completely bizarre and helpless to change. Thanks again!

Hurrah OrangeMoira!!!

I am SOOO glad you're going back to therapy. Therapy stirs a lot of emotions within. And as one member stated (Echoes) when I feel like quiting is when I find I need help the most! So true for me. Some sessions may seem to go awkward but your goal is living your best Life & your T is on your side! She wants you to be The Best You, you can be -- You are tremendously special now, can you imagine what you'll be with some inner work ! AWESOME!! Good Luck!& Don't quit!

What's so cool is that you've grown. By going back you learn that it wasn't the end of the world. It took me a very long time to learn this. I always thought a disagreement was the end of the relationship.

I have quit therapy many times. It's not a solution although it might seem that way. Therapy is about talking about all the emotions and all that takes place in therapy and your feelings about that.

I have commited myself to not quitting this time. I realize that when I want to quit... is exactly when I need to pay attention to what's going on and remember my commitment to myself to stay and not run.

I'm so glad that you decided to keep going!

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pachyderm said:
> I had one therapist say - actual words to me - "I don't know how to help you".

That's better than "You do not want to be helped."

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I had one once say "Well what do you want ME to do?!" Really. End of session! This was before I was diagnosed bipolar.