[x_BabyG_x]

I've never been in this forum before, mainly because i have been putting it off. Ive had so many troubles lately, but I think its now time it got brought into light.

My boyfriend knows Im borderline, but he doesnt exactly understand what it is (but then again., neither do I really). We've never really talked about it, and I think its time to finally bring it out into the open, because when I trigger off he gets upset and just doesnt understand my behaviour. I just dont think he realises theres a reason behind it at times.

So what I really need to know is, how do you explain it to someone whos clueless about it?? I dont want him just to know what it is, but how it feels like for me aswell.

can anybody help?

much love, babyg xXx

[pachyderm]

Here is something I just wrote in another reply, so I feel I can steal it from myself:

"Sometimes things that happen or things that people say remind us of past events that were very stressful or frightening to us, and we cannot really tell the difference between a present danger and a past one. There are reasons why a brain might need to identify a possible danger very rapidly, and it relates what is happening now to what happened before in order to identify the present event. But that reaction also has dangers, because it can be mistaken."

Maybe being a borderline means that you have had experiences that make you unstable when triggered by present events, and you feel that you have to react instantly in order to cope with what you think is happening -- only you can make a mistake and the thing that is happening now is not the same (and you are not the same) as the thing that happened before.

I think people can understand this if it is explained to them. Until the next time that you get triggered, when you will have to explain it again!

[Fuzzybear]

[x_BabyG_x]

Wow, patchyderm, even I understand it more after that!! x x

[pachyderm]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
x_BabyG_x said:
Wow, patchyderm, even I understand it more after that!! x x

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x_BabyG_x is no dummy...

[x_BabyG_x]

haha. Has anyone else got anything?

I told him last night that we needed to bring it out in the open more xxx

[ECHOES]

It sounds like you want him to accept some responsibility for your behavior.. maybe?

I don't tell anyone. Those close to me know I'm fearful and depressed at times but they have no clue the extent of what I experience internally. Nor do I know what they experience internally. This is for me to deal with, me and my therapist.
How I interact with others is to explore in therapy. How I react/behave/think is for me to deal with, not for them to tiptoe around and try to avoid.
I don't attempt to make my friends and family be my therapist.

I'm not clear what you want from your boyfriend. Telling him you are working on understanding yourself, apologizing for inappropriate behavior, and asking if he can support you through this may be all there is for him to know about.
This is about you, not him

[x_BabyG_x]

Thanks hun, he just doesnt understand my innapropriate behaviour thats the thing... he gets upset all the time and thinks its his fault!

I just want him to realise that its uncontrollable sometimes, and know why I cant help it when I have my moments x

[ECHOES]

Oh I see what you mean now; thanks for clarifying that.
I guess it is hard for others to wonder why we do what we do sometimes, PD or not.
It's good for everyone to realize that we don't have any control over others' behaviors or thoughts.

It sounds like you two talk about important things in your relationship and that's great. Maybe some couples counselling would help that even more?

[mlpHolmes]

Hi x-BabyG-x,

Every Monday there are 2 Borderline Chat Groups you are most welcome in! The Borderline Chats EST are: 11:00 am and 7:00 pm.
I hope you can make it!! You are in the UK please add 5 hours which would be 4:00 pm your time. Hope this a good time for you!

Until then!

[x_BabyG_x]

Thanks hun.

Yeah that's perfect I finish work at 4 tomorrow so quick 2 mins round the corner n i'll see you all in chat!

xXx