[desertrat]

Hello,

I have become increasingly socially anxious and inept. This was not always the case. From 3rd to 11th grade, I was very social: a class leader, with many friends, and even student body president. Now I'm starting my first year of grad school, and just a few hours ago, my one last friend, my girlfriend of seven years, broke up with me. I have been told often that I alienate people and make them uncomfortable. I'm in a grad program that requires a lot of discussion and participation. But I just sit in the back, observe, and say nothing. It is almost as if I'm becoming autistic. I'm reaching out to this community. Please help me overcome this social inability. It is increasingly hampering all aspects of my life.

[MyBestKids2]

Hi desertrat!

Welcome to PC. I, as well, have poor social skills. I've noticed though since visiting my "home" here at PC, I have been able to talk with others who have the same issue. Maybe if you can post here a bit, and give us a chance to respond and get to know you, the same will work for you!

Good luck and take care


Dee

[VoNPD]

Hi desertrat,

I too feel increasingly inept in social situations. It satrted at age 18, went away at age 23, came back at age 35 and has not left. In fact at age 46 it's become more difficult to work thru it.

But work thru it you must! It's a battle (for me anyway).

Can you describe your situation just before this started? Perhaps some incident or persons have destablized you in such a passive way that you didn't notice the change?

Hang around, there are many people here who will have ideas for you.
(((((())))))

VoN

[desertrat]

Thank you both for your kindness.
the major turning point occurred my senior year of high school.
a drug experience no longer allowed me to keep my current religious views, therefore alienating me from my family and every friend but the one girlfriend. The past 6 years, I have been increasingly withdrawn, spending a lot of time reconstructing my worldview while my social ability withered. Now, I want to get back, make friends, enjoy others and just be liked. But there's so much resistance, so much inertia built up over the past years. Any thoughts, questions, or advice?

[desertrat]

... anyone?

[desertrat]

...

case in point.

a little help folks.

[VoNPD]

here's what got me out of "the black year":

I was asked by an old neighbor lady (alcoholic) to assist her with rides to the store after she broke her ankle. Easy enough. Then her appreciation insisted I go to lunch with her. Very difficult, but I eased into it. Soon it became 'daily' lunch at ever increasingly expensive places. After about 6 months of this I was more at ease when going places on my own.

I realize you may not have a alcoholic neighbor to do this... but the point is TRYING. I think they call this desensitization. You need to start out with baby steps and work your way up to more social situations. Having a friend who understands to be with you is really helpful, but not necessary.

give it a try!


ps: I'd like to know more about the drug event that caused you to bail on your religious beliefs... if you are able to share?

[desertrat]

Thanks for the tip VoNPD,

I suppose I just have to get out there, set my intention, and be open to the opportunities... just a lil hazy once I'm in the opportunity. How to act? How to be? How to create and resonate with the ideal physical-mental identity?

As far as the drugs... well, I was young. Unfortunately, I dismantled my ego before it was fully formed leaving me with smoldering pieces to reassemble. A psychedelic is the antidote to a religion organized around self-hatred. But, as Alan Watts said, "once you get the message, hang up the phone." The real work begins.