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#1
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TRIGGER: It might be good to skip this if you have ed
I am seriously ill when it comes to self sabotage. There is something WRONG with me. I procrastinate like crazy. I constantly quit things. I have little motivation, and when I do have motivation, it dies easily. I have such bad self sabotage habits that I missed two final exams during college in classes that I had an A in....for no really good reason. Why? Who knows. I guess I want to fail. When I woke up for work in my last job, even if I wasn't that tired, but still a little sleepy, I'd lay back over and make myself late. The thing is, I knew full well it was much more important to me to go to work than to sleep, and I didn't even want to sleep that badly, but I'd go back to bed and make myself late, anyway. Then as a recent example, the other night, I came in feeling great about some weight loss, and mom said the reason I'd lost weight is because I hadn't been eating much lately. I immediately binged. I have been eating like crazy ever since. And I now....weigh more. Why do I do this?
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"....I've been treated so long as if I'm becoming untouchable. I'm a slow dying flower, in the frost killing hour, the sweet turning sour & untouchable....(portion omitted)....Do you remember the way that you touched me before, all the trembling sweetness I loved and adored? Your face saving promises whispered like prayers- I don't need them."- My Skin by Natalie Merchant. “The fishermen know that the sea is dangerous and the storm terrible, but they have never found these dangers sufficient reason for remaining ashore.”- Vincent Van Gogh ""Don't talk of worlds that never were. The end is all that's ever true."- Burn by the Cure "In the end only kindness matters."- Hands by Jewel Dragons-please click so they hatch and live! ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
#2
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....thats some fairly spectacular sabotage ok!
where do you think its coming from? would the incident with your mum be a clue? river
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"Strong passions are the precious raw materials of sanctity" Fulton Sheen |
#3
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Could it be triggered by stress? Like your mind just wants to shut down when "one more log" is added to the fire... so to speak...
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#4
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Locust
can you by any chance make alist of things you need to do and stick with it If you do not get up for work as you learned you are late. sorta like setting yourself up for goofing as far as your moms coment. maybe it came out badly to you and then you binged. Remember you were doing good and you can go back to it ![]() its in your control. also some of that sounds like depression maybe imo ? hope things get better wishing you well And (you matter)))))))))))))))))) |
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