[wickedwings]

Something happened earlier tonight that triggered a bad memory. A memory that made me feel so much guilt. What happened tonight was that my dog took off after the trolley cable's clasp failed somehow and my hubby and I had to chase after him for an hour in the frigid darkness around my neighborhood. It took an hour to find our dog. My hubby was upset over the trolley situation. Somehow this whole thing triggered the kind of guilt that hurts so much. In turn, that triggered intense guilt over an incident in the past.

Many years ago, when I was young. I accidentally killed my second cat through a PTSD flashback of my dad killing cats when I was very, very young. I didn't mean to kill her and I had so much guilt over that. It took a lot of therapy to get over a lot of it. It's a pain that I will always carry for the rest of my life. I have forgiven myself, but it still hurts.

My dog has gotten away from me 3 times already. once his collar broke, another time, the collar slipped off, and the 3rd time, the cable's first clasp failed. This clasp is a replacement clasp. he's a frenchie-pug, which is half french bulldog and half pug. My hubby loves him very much.

hing is, he's a rare kind of dog. He's not the kind of dog that can survive the extremes of temperatures, especially a frigid weather. He's not smart enough to get out of a vehicle's way, since he like to zig-zag all over the place.

Of course, my hubby apologized for getting upset. It wasn't his fault for getting upset. I just felt so guilty for some reason. If something happened to him. It wasn't supposed to happen for the fourth time. I'm always careful about not losing him. I felt so guilty that I cried a river. I know we need to do some recall training with him. he's a tricky one to train.

When something happens to a pet under my care, the guilt just kills me. It hurts so much. My hubby had to console me, but the pain is still there. Eventually, it will die down and I'll be ok again. But things like this will always trigger and they all add up (the smaller guilts). I try not to get too tied into what happens to my pets because we will mostly outlive them one way or another. I just can't help not to feel guilty. I've had therapy for a long time twice. It's like I would sacrifice myself for them because I love them, but I know it wouldn't make any sense to do that.

I just wish I can lose this so I can enjoy whatever amount of life we have left with them, since life is short - so tiny for those furry companions.

[VickiesPath]

I have a miniature schnauzer that is female. You would think she was a pitbull. She weighs 19lbs and is all muscle. I have not successfully taught her to not pull at her leash. We have been very lucky that she has not gotten away from us when walking.

I am very afraid of what will happen on that inevitable day when her leash and/or collar does break. She runs and does not obey a stop order. Therefore, she now wears a shoulder harness that leashes from the top of the back. She hates it because she can't bite the leash....ah ha. Also, the leash we use has a built in safety catch that wraps around a part of the harness so that if the metal clasp breaks, the small, nylon loop still holds on to the dog long enough to grab her. It's kind of like a safety chain on a motor trailer. I started using this configuration because of the very reasons you described. Also, I cannot run. I can bearly walk, in that I have one leg that is 3/4 metal. If she got loose, bye bye doggie.

Maybe this will give you some ideas.

I'm so sorry for the turmoil you have experienced due to these things.

[wickedwings]

Thank you so much, Vickie! I don't think we will use the trolly again with him. The idea of the built in catch is a great idea.

[Typo]

(((((((((((((((((((Wickedwings)))))))))))))))))))

[Princess Butterfly]

I'm sorry you got so upset.In someways i can relate.Have you shared the past incident with your hubby?
Everyone has a mind of their own even pets.My dog runs upstairs and gets stuck cause she cant get down them again.But she still does this and unfortunely if im not at home she stuck there til i get back.Its not my fault she's stuck.
I guess you have to repeatedly tell yourself "its not my fault the dog ran off" Because thats what Dogs do.
I guess there is a little part of you that still hasnt forgiven yourself for the past incident and you still suffer some guilt for it.

xxx