Psychologist says...

...I haven't accepted my disability yet.

guess I'm just plain nutso crazy and incapable of cognitve processes. but never fear, others are here to keep me in my place.... even if I don't realize where that is...

19 1/2 years... and haven't accepted my disabilty yet? Did you realize that fact? How does that make you feel?... What does that make you think about me? Can you imagine, with all the information I do have about this stuff... just what am I missing about it? That with all the education of it all, I still don't have it right? What does that say about others who haven't tried to learn about it, or are brand new at this? Does it say anything at all?

Except I must be brain damaged.

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

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((((((((((((((((((((sky))))))))))))))))))

Thanks wth. ... but I guess no one should waste their hugs on me anymore.

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

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Sky,

I think you are brave to post this. I don't think I could post something my T. told me that I didn't like to hear.

That being said, I would like to gently say that, perhaps he/she means that you aren't acknowledging it in a way that promotes growth and healing. People with disabilites that accept them don't blame others for it in so much that it hinders their life. They don't expect everyone to constantly hold the door, or reach for the item on the upper shelf, etc.... they want to be responsible for themselves. It wouldn't do them any good to hide behind their disability- only weakens them. Not that, that's what you're doing... just an example.

I believe that accepting our problems is the first step in overcoming or coping with them in a positive and healthy way. I was the "queen of denial" just 2 years ago- it was everyone else-- not me that was the problem. Now I'm seeing that, I have to own some of it too--- not all-- but some. After all no one is perfect- even though I wanted to be so badly!

I don't believe for a minute that you're brain damaged! We all learn in different ways and at different paces. I believe we are all gifted in our own way- perhaps the lessons/therapy just need to be presented in a different way for you?!

I wanted you to know that I'm here and I hope you're not offended by anything I've said... I only mean to be supportive. t/c

Mandy

I wrote a post to you just now Sky but it was mainly about "my stuff" so I deleted it Not great on "advice" but thinking of you ((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((((((((((sky)))))))))))))))))))))

I'm such a newbie to therapy that I don't know what to say to help you about this. I can only imagine your frustration and my heart goes out to you.

Thanks yall... and fuzzy, you can always post your stuff to any of my threads! <hands honey jar to fuzzybear in corner

Well... part of what T said, as we discussed it today, included the fact of my Mental Disability also (duh me... my PTSD) I just never realized it is called that... I mean, if you've read my posts you KNOW I know I suffer with it... but to hear it all in one sentence today just blew me away, you know... I have a mental disability called PTSD.

T also said that for me he thinks I will never be able to NOT be on hyper vigilance. Sometimes that happens to ppl with PTSD, sometimes others can learn to lower the level. So if I'm to stay at psychcentral, members are going to have to learn to live with me

Anyway, that wasn't his main thought, but that I haven't accepted my disabilities in that I don't have a "stable perspective" of them.

I can hold to certain facts, but then when someone counters me or asks me to prove it... I begin to believe what they believe (in their ignorance) and then I am off kelter I guess. Maybe it's part because I don't wish to accept this stuff? I don't know. It seems so limiting. Even though it's truth. And defeating. It feels like I'm giving up... and what haven't I already given up? None of this makes sense to me right now...it's so frustrating. My thinking is skewed at times. Ya know?

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

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I printed this one out and into the journal for discussion with my therapist.

Having one's reality discounted, invalidated, belittled, ridiculed, questioned, examined, and so on tends to lead to skewed thinking and not believing ourselves. And the whole reality thing with PTSD gets all blurred and fuzzy at times with the past links and present triggers and files all astray in the mental cabinet.

It stinks!!

But this post is a goodie in how it expresses the fleeting glimpses we get of clarity on this or acceptance and whoosh off it goes and back to hopelessness.

This is yet another gold star for your T and two for you for bringing this here to share with us.

Rah! As far as learning to live with you we have been trying just as you keep trying. I said in another post you aren't a quitter and you sure aren't! Not everyone loves everyone else otherwise it would be rather creepy with all the agreement. All of us are learning to live with others here. Not everyone likes everyone else at the thanksgiving table with the extended family but we pass the potatoes as politely as we can and keep the food fights to a minimum.

Plus when someone says they LOVE the candied yams and we loathe the candied yams we don't really need to tell them in public how we feel about the yams, ya know? We can talk about yams another day another thread or even not at all. Yams may be the end all be all for some and others don't even know what a yam is...or care! (yam = sweet potato for our international crowd)

Like I said....this was a printout thread and into the journal it went. Thanks.

Thank you zh.

This was one of two issues this week...and botht will be ongoing, I'm sure. (The other is the idea of "letting go" of the suicidal ideation.)

The basis for this acceptance is to trust my T... HE is the one who knows me, cares about me, and has my best interest in mind. I am often in a quandry because of seemingly conflicting opinions from doctors such as neurologists who spend 10 minutes with me and drop me like a hot potato. (High maintenance patient... many many problems and symptoms etc. ) Everytime I get some other opinion, and / or when the attorneys argue or the insurance company refuses treatment for me I take it as "maybe it's all in my head" because of their attitudes.

I have to believe my T knows best. I just have to learn to do this and stick with what he says, even when I hear other inaccurate information. I think part of the problem with this is that he, too, has been put into the category of "authority" and that brings nothing but red flags because of how those in power did NOT help me after the injury... I have to KNOW that my T is not like them never has been never will be... and that he is quite the expert when it comes to these matters.

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

Want to share your Christian faith? Click HERE

(1) You are not brain damaged.
(2) It's okay to have a disability.
(3) It's okay to be angry.

Hi _Sky,

It is really hard going through the reactions of what someone says.....especially with the relationship you have with your T. I am sure he knows what he is talking about...but maybe your interpretation may not be what he means.....that happens sometimes when we are in our own minds which seems to be where PTSD puts us most of the time. I think I would have reacted the same way you did. You are so intelegent & knowledgable on the subject matter....it is almost impossible to think there is something you haven't got.

I can kinda relate to not believing in the disability.....I mean...I went out of work on disability 11 1/2 yrs ago...yes it was anxiety & depression with many suicid attempts (lost count at 20 when I just couldn't get it right). I have since learned to live with myself....not always healthy but even started back to school getting all A's...how could I be disabled & do that...or how can I be disabled & still be able to show my horses in the dressage shows & even place with a ribbon....or how can I be disabled & still remember some of my technical lingo from being an engineer over 11 yrs ago...I took some ability tests which included intelligence testing & came out so far above others...How in the world could I be disabled...it just doesn't add up??????? Then comes the question of could I hold down a job???? How in the world do I know if I don't do it...& since when does having a job determine if I am disabled. I look at these things & to me...I don't look disabled....talk to my Pdoc or psychologist or even my GP and..................well...I don't like their answers but internally, realize that they are correct because I have never looked at life the way they do & probably never will.

Thinking about your being hypervigalent....you might have already had that tendancy to react that way when the trauma hit or you might not have reacted the way you did.....that reaction might have been part of your life before & it is not likely to change what is you.

I want you to know as one person....I don't have to learn to live with you....You are just fine the way you are!!!!!

Debbie