[lisaxtiffany]

I lost my father in March of last year. It was rather sudden. He and my mother had been divorced and I was living with him while I went to school. I was on spring break and witnessed his death. If I hadnt been on spring break I could have come home to it and this bothers me. Every monday and wednesday he would drive me to my bus stop. The thought of "what if he was driving me when this happened?" has pretty much become an obsession now because this happened on a Wednesday. I kind of feel like it is my fault mainly because my father and I argued a lot and I feel like I stressed him to death even though when the autopsy was done, it said he was diabetic which was complete news to all of us because he never mentioned it. I feel like since one of my best friends has diabetes, that I should have seen all the signs and confronted my father about it. Ever since this happened, my anxiety levels have been starting to go out of control. I worry about everything and sometimes at night I am startled out of my sleep and I don't know why. Recently, news of my favorite celebrity being at a local radio station was announced and I have the opportunity to meet him there. The thing is, this radio station is located around the corner from where my father and I used to live. For the past year, I avoided this area. Instead of being stoked, I am worried. I will have to pass the bus stop he used to drive me to, even take the bus route I would take to and from school and get off the stop I would to go home. I don't know what could happen, besides shedding tears and coming off as an over-emotionalized fan of this celebrity which is embarrassing to me, lol. I was thinking about bringing my best friend with me for emotional support. Perhaps going to this area could be therapeutic? I took a screening test and spoke to a counselor at school and according to them what I am going through is consistent with PTSD. I am currently uninsured, and as a college student, extra money is scarce therefore going to a Psychologist has to take the back seat for now, and I feel like I'm just gonna have to "suck it up" and deal with it for now. But the thing is, how do I?

[cutebagaddict08]

I'm sorry to hear about your father. ((hugs!))

You mentioned your favorite celebrity is going to be at a location near where you would spend time with your father. Is there a way you can take 'steps' to getting to the point where you are a little more comfortable with being near the area? Like start with driving by the bus stop, and take a trusted friend with you (or go by yourself if you feel more comfortable) Then move to, taking the bus route, etc. This may take several times, but it may help you become in touch with your feelings.

[zbmom]

I would suggest contacting your local hospice for resources. They are the best place to get help with bereavement and trauma related to it. They usually have free support groups and can get you connected to what you need. You can also contact your county mental health department. If you are uninsured they will see you on a sliding scale based on your income. There is help out there, you don't have to go through this alone.