[kaliope]

Ive spent my whole life being crazy, but high functioning. I made it through college and got my degree late in life. Had a breakdown and was hospitalized twice while doing it, but I made it. Still, I have always felt like a fraud, because underneath it all I knew what I was hiding. So I have been stable these last couple years, finally getting to the point where I dont feel like such a fake anymore. So here I am at this professional party last night, a fundraiser. And Im fitting in. Had a really nice time. Im going to leave and my friends and I are looking for the host to say our goodbyes. My friend goes up to talk to this gentleman and I am thinking how he looks familiar. And then it just SLAMS me, like I walked smack into a door. Its my dentist. (I have severe dental anxiety) My friend said my face immediately went flush. My limbs went numb, my head was spinning. I couldnt breathe. I started crying. It was awful. My friends didnt think I would be able to drive home. Im horribly embarrassed over the whole incident. How can I exist in a professional capacity if stuff like this can happen any time it feels like it? Sucks so much!

[(JD)]

I'm SO sorry.... this is such a beast of a disorder! I'm so proud of you for accomplishing what you have....inspite of what you came out of....

Now... you can go on.... you can.... you have so much more good hours and days than what just occurred to you.... PTSD is a panic disorder...just share that with your friends (you have panic from time to time???)

I'm so sad....

[angel700]

Originally Posted by kaliope

Ive spent my whole life being crazy, but high functioning. I made it through college and got my degree late in life. Had a breakdown and was hospitalized twice while doing it, but I made it. Still, I have always felt like a fraud, because underneath it all I knew what I was hiding. So I have been stable these last couple years, finally getting to the point where I dont feel like such a fake anymore. So here I am at this professional party last night, a fundraiser. And Im fitting in. Had a really nice time. Im going to leave and my friends and I are looking for the host to say our goodbyes. My friend goes up to talk to this gentleman and I am thinking how he looks familiar. And then it just SLAMS me, like I walked smack into a door. Its my dentist. (I have severe dental anxiety) My friend said my face immediately went flush. My limbs went numb, my head was spinning. I couldnt breathe. I started crying. It was awful. My friends didnt think I would be able to drive home. Im horribly embarrassed over the whole incident. How can I exist in a professional capacity if stuff like this can happen any time it feels like it? Sucks so much!

You can exist in a professional world but you know now that you have to prepare yourself when you go into such a large venue or any place where you might run into a trigger. I know, I've been there and I had a successful career despite PTSD and bipolar disorder. For me it worked for me to have a "self-soothing" phrase in my head. Often it was as simple as "say hello and politely excuse yourself." Sounds too easy, but trust me it worked if I felt panic coming on. If I was with friends who knew about the potential for panic, I tried to stay close and they didn't need too much of a warning before knowing to get me to a safe space. Do NOT give up on yourself or your career. Trust me, if you got through college, you'll be able to function professionally.

[Open Eyes]

I have a question, I do have PTSD and I do get triggers and flashbacks and terrible anxiety attacks.

Does anyone else feel their pulse in their ear? And sometimes brain? I can really hear it and feel it and it can be loud. So, I was wondering if this was normal or may be something else.

Open Eyes

[Rose76]

How can I exist in a professional capacity if stuff like this can happen any time it feels like it? Sucks so much! quoted from above

Spontaneous crying in highly public settings has almost become almost chic amongst the rich, famous, powerful, and professional. Why you could preside over the House of Representatives without hindrance from this problem. (I don't mean to make light of what I'm sure is distressing to you. Just consider that emotiveness is far from the handicap it once was.)

[Astridetal]

I am sorry you had such a hard time, but please don't try to beat yoursel fup over it. It is okay. You can still be a good professional despite your emotional problems. if wanted.

[skeksi]

Oh, that must have been so scary for you! Running into an unexpected trigger is such a shock. I bet your friends, and the people who saw, were thinking, "She must be very scared right now. I wonder what I should do? I don't want to be invasive or make her uncomfortable." I bet they *weren't* thinking there was something wrong with you.

I know I beat myself up a LOT after a public crying incident. I feel ashamed, caught being vulnerable. I think you are doing some of that, too. You've been stable for a long time, and you had an anxiety reaction when you faced someone who represents a great fear to you. Your reaction was understandable. You are someone with an anxiety disorder, and these things will happen. It's up to you whether or not to be compassionate and loving to yourself afterward.

It's not easy to do--I spent all day yesterday being hysterical after I got triggered in public with acquaintances. But if we are going to have these reactions, we might as well try to be caring towards ourselves afterward, right?

Hi, ((((kaliope)))) - a few minutes of panic do not nullify a lifetime of progress, even in the presence of colleagues. please do not be ashamed of your past. it appears that just the sight of the dentist was sufficient to trigger the phobia. i pray that your colleagues will be true professionals and will understand your phobia and see the event as just a one time thing. my prayers go out to you.