Fall apart this time of year

I am having terrible flashbacks and panic attacks. Fall is always bad time for me, and Nov 11th is worst day. It is ironic, on Rembrance Day, I remember yet, but not soldiers, I remember another battle, a battle I lost, a battle where part of me died and ex-boyfriend took part of my soul.

So I called doctor today, left message. I can barely remember what I said. She called me back right away, but she has no appts until next week. I tried calling a few friends but then feel guilty bothering them with this. So I am writing here instead.

Like I said am having flashbacks. Thank God it isn't raining today, I think that would have pushed me over the edge.

This year has been worse then others. There is alot more detail that I am remembering.

I hope this post makes some sense. PTSD just wears me out sometimes.

I'm having a tough day today too....

yeah they are flashbacks... I'm throwing a yellow penalty flag down for you... illegal memories! Breathe. This is now, that was then.

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(((((canuck1971))))) and (((((((JD))))))

I hear you, and I have really been struggling too and I honestly wish my family would let up and give me a break so I can learn how to deal with this beast. I am exhausted too.
If anything, at least know your not alone and someone else knows the pain of it. But, we all have to remember, as JD reminded me when I had a couple of decent days, there are good days and bad days and we have to keep working at it.

I have to say, I have had so much thrown in my face the past week, yesterday and I tried to get a day of quiet today, but that didn't happen either. I am completely wiped out.
Tomarrow is my birthday, my husband wants to take me to dinner and a movie, all I know is right now, I am so exhausted I just want to sleep, and have quiet. I honestly don't know what I will feel like tomarrow, but right now, I am completely exhausted mentally and physically. If only others could step into my body and feel it.
Open Eyes

Fall is a horrible time for me. For the past three, four years I have a melt down before thanksgiving. For me, I think it has to do with the fact I've moved back to where 'things' started. It has been disturbing!

It's like the cold weather is just a trigger!

I somewhat understand!

Fall is always hard for me. Since I've moved back to my home state after 20 years, it just throws me into a tail spin! Flashbacks, I close everyone out and just want to be left alone. (I just don't like spilling my guts so other people understand me). It's exhausting!

We need to figure out a way to change some sensory triggers to happy thoughts not the ones we avoid!

Fall can be a bad time of year for many who struggle with PTSD as it draws close to the holidays which can bring bad memories, a reminder of how isolated we can feel and even pressure if we are expected to participate in family gatherings which can be so painful as family members often isolate us and blame us in ways we really do not deserve.

I did not have a very good birthday, I just wanted it to be over. My daughter never called me and wished my happy birthday, she doesn't want to be around me, and she just doesn't get it and all it does is hurt me, not that she is being mean, but that I can't explain it to her in a way she will really understand. My birthday was a long exhausting day, the only brite spot was all the birthday wishes that came from PC members, it was just so nice to be able to connect to people who understand the struggle and are so supportive, a life saver actually.

I guess we all have to make an effort to connect here through the holidays, make sure we check on each other so we don't get so lonely and feel so isolated. What we have is not our fault, and very difficult to deal with every day. We have to take a lot of deep breaths, meditate and try not to allow bad feeling and memories from our past to overwhelm us. We all have to try to think about whatever positives are there for us, even if it is just a good therapist, being able to see a doctor, or just having PC friends that actually really care about us and do understand the personal struggle.

Open Eyes