wicked flashbacks....

this weekend park ranger margaret anderson was shot & killed at mt. ranier np. ambushed in her vehicle before she had a chance to respond by a vet suffering from ptsd. he had been involved in a shooting earlier in the day. after a massive manhunt he was found dead from exposure to the cold,
ranger anderson left behind 2 toddlers.

honestly i feel little sorrow for this man. yes obviously the system failed him.

that is NOT the point of this thread. i am having wicked flashbacks to my days of law enforcement. i have been in her footsteps. the NPS is a very small agency & it's law enforcement side is even smaller..numbering maybe 1,000 rangers..back in the day it was even smaller. been there, looked down the barrel , found the bomb,fought the riot, saved the jumper (or not), arrested god & satan, saw terrorists...& so much more.

it's brought back all sorts of memories for me...& the whole i can;'t sleep, being back in cop mode etc. i know it will pass but for now the hyper vigilance sucks.

many of my friends don't get it ..they didn't know me when i was doing major law enforcement..they don't understand the risks, the terror, the fear etc.

you don't expect stuff like this in a national park...even tho you train & train you just don't expect it.

god speed ranger anderson.

Wow. Have no words, Stumpy. Yes, hypervigiliance and ptsd sucks. Nightmares and no one understanding and not being able to talk
about it sucks. Wishing you healing.

Flashbacks come whenever we are presented with a reminder of a situation where we experienced a lack or control or a personal threat that compromised our ability to control any outcome.

This is when we have to remind ourselves that even though we have survived our past, may have seen things that were disturbing, we can develope coping skills.
Your right about the possibility of a war vet getting confused and now we see here, can be a danger to others and themselves. Perhaps you can try to look at this as a lesson for how we truely need to take these troubled vets seriously and try our best to prevent the ones that truely struggle from slipping through the cracks like this one did.

Your time in law enforcement exposed you to much of the bad, that really is the job unfortunately. Most of that job is facing people that are unhappy or deranged in some way, so it is understandable how that can be very wearing. This is when you have to dig deep and concentrate on the differnce that you made, we all have to learn that each of us can only do so much and there are going to be bad things that take place, should not take place but somehow just do take place.

You have to truely make sure that you concentrate on the things that you accomplished and that it is ok, human, to grieve things that happen like this. And believe that because such a bad thing has taken place, some other man or woman may be saved from this occurance. Many of our lessons in all our lives are from experiencing, seeing, hearing or being exposed to some very troubling events. This is when we all must truely remember, when one door closes another does open somewhere. Recognizing and making efforts to prevent in the future is a door that opens, can serve to change this outcome. We don't necessarily get to see progress all the time, ones that end up being saved from what changes come after this kind of lesson.
So, what we do have to keep in mind is that it will open a door we don't always see, however a door does open.

thank you for your response.

yes i am aware of what a flashback is & when & why it happens. as i mentioned in my post, the issue was not about what happened to the vet...this was not my time to concern myself with his lack of care or grief. honestly at this point i don't really give a damn about him..maybe later on i will, but not now.

i think until you have been faced with extreme law enforcement or another high stress condition you can not understand the reaction. unless you have faced a shoot/don't shoot situation you probably don't get it. i have lost a member of my "family"

telling me about doors opening does me no good..how does that help? a young mother left 2 toddlers? they will never know her...her husband will be forced to raise them alone on a less than perfect income, now always wondering if every stop might bring an increased risk of removing him from his daughters...what good came of this?

i don't need a lecture on the workings of ptsd...i have had it from a child due to extreme abuse...& it was compounded by exposure to dealings at work..

i saw over 25,000 people on a daily basis..in just one of the places i worked. most of them were not evil, or deranged or mentally ill. most were fine, law abiding people. it's just that few...i patrolled alone on boat, foot, snowshoe, atv, cat, truck. where ever & back up may or may not have been readily available...so depending on which park i was at the risk was there..

i know my work was good & noble. i know i saved people & america's treasures. i know that...i know i was willing to sacrifice myself if need be...i saw the weapons, saw the bad guys, etc. saw things that would scare the crap out of you if you knew...but you don;t because parks are happy fun places..america's crown jewels...my park was a magnet for terrorism..the public never knew that...i had training that swat teams got.

so yeah...a fellow ranger ambushed in her vehicle hurts big time....talking about opening & closing doors , while i appreciate the attempt doesn't really help. i get ptsd...understand it..i too live with it on a daily basis...

Sorry stumpy, didn't mean to invalidate your anger in any way. Nor did I want to imply that you dont get what PTSD is or havent struggled with it for a very long time.

Yes, I can understand your anger with the loss of this fellow ranger, I certain don't want to in any way minimize that. Yes, that is awful, and a terrible loss to her children and husband. A reminder of the senselessness of many things that happen around us.

No, your right, I don't have the images you have that presented or aggrivates the PTSD you experience. I would never want to invalidate any of what you experience.

I know what that feels like, everytime I express my own troubles, it is an invitation for someone, somewhere to suggest I just get over it. We both know that is not easy and we have to work hard on not letting it define us, even that takes a lot of effort.

No, when I was struggling to address the sick pony, it was easy for people to tell me to deal and this and that. Even my daughter was quick to give her oppinion. However when it came her time to make that final decision, she could not do it that easily and put it off when she stared in those big brown eyes. She sent the vet away and slept in the pony's stall next to the pony, wanted to try one more thing. It wasn't easy for any of us to take that final step. But that is something that another can only remark on, not the same as living it all those days.

Oh, anger, yes I know about that it is not easy to dismiss. No, there is no easy door that opens for that.

I am sorry you were triggered by this loss. You have every right to be angry.

Open Eyes