Last trauma

For me I have chosen to block everything behind me and not try to open any closed door for now as I am still dealing with my trauma from last june. This last trauma is still so very fresh in my mind and heart that I can taste it, feel it with my every sense. I can't accept it and I am so scare it will repeat itself. Not one day go by that I don't think about it. It also makes me sad because I am confuse if it is my fault that is has happened.

I know what I have to do, so it will not repeat itself, but I'm not sure if I want to do that. One way or the other, it is and will just bring more sadness in my heart. I can't win this one. I can't block the sadness of this trauma because it has a continuty that I'm living with right now and that I will live with for a long time.

It is still bothering me so much I can't even talk about it. I cannot say what happened. I can't even write it down for myself. It has surprised me so much. I never thought that this would happened. My trust has taken a real blow with this trauma.

I'm writting this in here right now because I want to apologise when at times I can't support anyone even if I care so much for all of you. Sometime it hit me so hard I go silence. I can't communicate at all. But after a while I gather my strenght back and I come back to you all. I have a good willpower.

Thank you for reading this. I appreciate all of you!

(((((((((((time0)))))))))))
please dont apologize. . . .i think its important that you take the time to heal YOU. i wish i could find the words to make you feel better, to let you know that it was not your fault and that you are not alone.
you are strong, and i believe you will find you way.
hugs (if wanted) and youre in my thoughts. be safe.

((((time0)))) You KNOW we care here at PC...and you don't have to be posting support for others if you are taking care of yourself first!

What you describe is PTSD ... all of it.... it's a tough beast. Really tough. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

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Time 0 -

I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now.

EJ

i understand the need to deal with it the way you are and if it works for you do it. But i did that when i was assualted and became pregnant (i miscarried) at 17 i didn't say word nothing to anyone. I did much what your mentioning but different things i eventually lost i thought was trying to hurt me like he did luckly he wasn't hurt i just ran him over with my wheelchair for 2 years this happened. My mind, body, and soul couldn't anymore i walked into a therapist office to discuss other issues probably within fourto 6 months i flipped when he entered the room in a black coat. I've come to realize that the pain i am and have endured since is much better in the long run b/c the longer it takes for you to talk to someone maybe not even a therapist it take even longer for what your going to process and heal from it. I just don't want you to go through even more pain then you already are.

Dear time0,

Actually you are dealing with this.

Guilt and blaming yourself after a traumatic event, seems to be what we all go through. Awful, that one. The truth is, is that you are not to blame, but we can't help how we feel.

Denial and blocking the trauma. I do that too, because it is truly painful. My heart goes out to you.

You do not need to apologise, I have found you to be a very supportive person. And I know how difficult it can be to find any words at all.

Keep safe.

Thank you so very much for your understanding and your caring!

I have only reliased last fall, maybe last october, how much it has affected me. When I think of all this it affects me in so many ways. I know if I would come face to face now with something dangerous or bad, I wouldn't have anyone to count on or maybe I wouldn't let myself trust enough to turn to someone. I don't know what I would do. Deep inside I feel I can only count on myself. I would probably face it alone. A big world with so many people and I feel I can't give really my trust to anyone. What I mean by this is not that I think that people are bad but maybe I have been hurt to deep this time, much too deep.

I am probably just talking to myself right now so I can better understand how I feel and come to an end and move on. I will try anyway.

Again thank you!

Time0, you're in my thoughts!

Love ya!

((((((((((Time0))))))))))

(((time0))) Not all PTSD sets in immediately. You might not have been dealing with what happened at all initially, you know?

Be gentle with yourself...but do continue therapy for this. The sooner you can work through it, the less work you have to do, I think. It doesn't go away on it's own.

You ARE communicating. Guilty feelings, isolation, blocking those are all coping mechanisms brought on by PTSD. It isn't like you have total control, you know? (((((hugs0))))

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

Want to share your Christian faith? Click HERE

Thank you so much! so so much!

((((((((((((((((((((time0)))))))))))))))) If I could I would take all your hurt away. Please take time to heal you. I am sorry you have repeatedly been hurt. You are in my thoughts.

((((((((((((((((((((Time0))))))))))))))))))))

Love,
Fuzzy

Thank you so very much!

I think I said too much and now I feel like a drama queen.

You keep believing in a better tomorrow and hang tight. I think of you often.

Thank you ((((((((WW))))))))))) I admirer you!

Can't stop the flashback!

I'm so sorry! I'm shutting up now.

I'm just so confused. Lost.



Pouff

time0,

Thinking of you, I know how awful it can be.

Don't forget to use your coping strats.

((((((((((((( time0 ))))))))))))))))