[beauflow]

I am not sure if this really belongs here in PTSD- it does deal with my past; and I am not sure if how I really know how I feel on this subject- I think I know, and it comes down to I don't get it.

I am the 6th child of my family (the "baby"). Abuse of all sorts; dysfunctional to say the lease... I don't want to go into that right now with all but the thing that I don't get is-

There was one of my brothers (i have 3 and this was the younger of the 3 brothers - but he is older than myself), that he was taken from our family by the state--- He said that our dad was molesting him (our older brother did I know for sure but our dad I am not sure; Dad was abusive with hitting us and an alcoholic and he would leave us as well and come back when we were little).... but this brother of mine, the State removed from out family... Undoubtedly he told them about the abuse of our father hitting us, and the mental abuse from our mother... but the state only took him.... some where along the lines, this brother had threatened to burn down the house as well; he was standing in front of my dad as I was told how the story went, saying he was going to burn down the house.
Oh and this brother, years later when he was about 17, the state said it was ok for him to come back to the family-- I just don't get it.

I will never understand why the state did not try to get the rest of us kids out of the house when they got him out of the house and what he had told them.....

I am sure that I will never know the full story on this even though this was my own family....

Why would the state just stop with one child?

It is something I am pondering on here recently, and I guess is bothering me a little, so am getting it out i guess....

[beauflow]

http://www.wikihow.com/Leave-the-Past-Behind

I sort of felt bad after writing this- triggered myself with bad memories and thoughts- seems like it is what i do to myself.--
This then it lead to me thinking again- how do I let this all "go" in a sense-- I read the up above link -- it is rather general and simplistic - yes it says therapy where needed.....

I guess never will it all go- but I need to remind myself that-- that is the past; can not unchanged it- and whatever the reasons were of the state only taking one child, then reintroducing them to the family which later would prove to be disastrous, for it was still a very dysfunctional family.... but who knows-- no one knows... I am looking for an answer that can not be had... and I realize that-- I guess just some of my off the wall wondering some times as I do with my past.

I am not sure if anyone can understand this-- it's hard for me to keep on the logical side with this stuff.... it is like I know, and I try to choose to move on, but it seems to be proven difficult....

I found this interesting :

Revisit places where you felt pain and hurt. Go back and realize the power you have personally to not let that place get to you. This can be an overwhelming experience, however, depending on what happened. For example, survivors of concentration camps or sexual abuse are less likely to ever be able to face the place where bad things happened than someone who had a romantic experience somewhere but since broke up. Gauge for yourself how ready you are to take what may be a giant leap and take a buddy for support if needed.

I find it interesting for I could --- in a part of myself- see how this may help one-- However I know with the deep drop of my stomach with the thought I don't think I would be able to do this..... and I am not sure if for me it would be a good thing... perhaps it is due to even today I still see my child like me, of uncertainty and all..

Any who-- thanks for letting me just post -

[Catherine2]

As always...this is just my opinion

In small print, at the bottom of "edit" number one is this statement:
If you cannot take a clear view of the past by self assessment, seek professional therapeutic assistance to guide you.

From the little I read, there are no professionals making these so-called edits. It's rather like a chain letter on how-to-get-through-anything.
BS.

I am not saying there are not things we can do for ourselves, but I sincerely believe we have to have a support network in our lives.
Therapy if possible, meds if necessary, friends who care--online and in face to face life. Each of us had different needs when walking our paths of healing.

When it was early in my recovery, I could not have done any of those things.
They were not realistic for me. Many, many days it was all I could do to get out of bed...and some days I couldn't do even that.

Websites like this mean well, I'm sure. However, the advice/suggestions may do more harm than good. It's made to sound oh so easy if you just get off your butt and do it. BS

Jme, but I needed professional help before I made any progress towards peace in my spirit.
My therapist helped me grieve, and that was number one for me. Facing my anger came next and that took awhile before I moved on...and it was all right. I was not wallowing in it, I was working through years of abuse. I wasn't going to get through these feelings in a few sessions.
Real life support was incredibly wonderful. I finally understood that I was not alone, was not to blame, that I was loveable and others would happily receive my love when I was ready to love...

It's a process, usually a slow one. It's hard. It hurts. And it gets better.
I used to, for lack of better wording, run here and there thinking I would find a way to feel better Now. Not necessarily an easy way, but one that guaranteed it.

Putting one foot in front of the other, sometimes taking ten feet backward, three forward was what happened to me.
But it was worth every tear, sadness, denial, etc. because it was what worked for me.

You will find what works for you...there may be many detours/stops/backups, but you will find what works for you.

With all my heart, I hope you have someone in your life, a good therapist, to walk with you.
Keep sharing, please.

In Peace,
Catherine