Did I just have a flashback?

History whited out in case of possible triggering:

When I was six a stranger broke into our home while my father was out of town. The man raped my mother while my two-year-old brother and I listened to her screaming. We saw some of it. He was caught and convicted. The effects on my family were catastrophic and far-reaching, one of them being my recent PTSD diagnosis.

I was listening to an audiobook at work this morning and the main character was talking about being in a car crash that killed his mother - he said the event had gravity, like a planet, and the rest of his life has orbited around it. It made me think of my own childhood trauma because I've often felt similarly about the effect it had on my life. The next thing I knew I was almost hysterically upset, hiding in the filing room and trying not to cry loudly so no one would hear me. I was remembering what had happened in little snapshots that were just crystal clear, some of them things I didn't even know I remembered, like the police officer who took my mother's statement and how young he was, or seeing a handprint on the wall and being told not to touch it because it was evidence.

It wasn't like I didn't know where I was or anything, but I couldn't stop the memories coming up and how sharp they were, and it took a long time to calm down. Even now I feel nauseated and exhausted, and my hands keep shaking. I've had panic attacks before, but this felt different and I was wondering if it was a flashback.

I wish I could go home and curl up in bed.

I am sorry! That sounds very scary and painful

((((Lindentree))))

Hi lindentree, try to calm down and sit down and take "slow deep breaths and slowly exhale".

From what you are discribing it does sound very much like a flashback, yes. And when I had my first one I was very surprised as well. Yes they are very strange and feel very real and yes the brain can present these memories with quite a bit of sharp details and emotions. It is not going to hurt you and you did well because you are sitting and thinking over what you saw and are now remembering that, yes it did take place. And it could be from a time where events did happen the you were very upset about and so your brain at the time could not process it all and simply put it all into storage for your protection. Yes, I know it is rather unsettling, but remind yourself that it is not now and only in the past.

Do you have a therapist you can talk to this about? If not I think that you should consider finding a good therapist that may know a lot about PTSD as well. These therapists are more familiar with flashbacks and can help you with understanding them better.

Try to remain calm.

(((((Hugs)))))
Open Eyes

Lindentree, yes, sounds like a flashback. You can remember images , events or sometimes just physical sensations or intense emotions or any combination of the above. My counselor taught me to remind myself of the year we are in now and my age now
and and look for 3 red things, three blue things and three green things and listen for three sounds and feel my feet on floor and if im sitting gravitypulling me in chair. Then i feel fer. If im at home hugging dogfrf woks too, so doss getting out of house. If i cant drive, ill have friend come get me.