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#1
Apr 12, 2006, 10:44 AM
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Here I come into work, 2 hrs late again. How embarrassing.
 Had an appt at 9am, I forgot all about it. Went to a job fair yesterday to present our small hospital and was 3 1/2 hours late for that. Tired of hearing comments like, "caught in traffic?" "Why are you packing up so soon, you just got here?" I just laugh and poke fun of myself, too. If they only knew how much I dreaded getting in front of people. Everyone tells me how mean I look, but do they know it's my way of saying, "I don't want any interaction." If I don't look approachable, people won't approach me and there won't be any chance of confrontation. I think it's time to look for another job before I get fired. I'm so tired of looking like an idiot for coming in late and getting comments like, "Working banking hours?" "Must be nice to come in late. . ." Well, live in my little hell sometime and tell me how nice it is. Why can't I be a normal little ant like everyone else and climb into my ordinary car, follow the line of cars to my job at precisely 7:30am and smile and nod and be professional and be able to think clearly when people are asking me questions and then climb back into my ordinary car and follow the ant line back to my hole and be excited to do all of this crap the next day. . .what a sad existence! This is such the norm that I feel like an idiot when I can't get this routine down. Anyone been where I am. I am feeling so down. Everything seems like a potential trigger for me    
__________________
 "I don't want to believe, I want to know." - Carl Sagan |
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#2
Apr 12, 2006, 11:08 AM
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Yes, it happens with me when I am highly stressed or triggered.
I refer to "it" as "not being able to get out of my own way." It's so tough to ride the waves, hang on tight.
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#3
Apr 12, 2006, 11:27 AM
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I am where you are...I can relate! Everything is a trigger, and being around people is hard, especially at your job where you have to be 'happy' all the time. I'll keep some good thoughts for you (((csavage))))
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#4
Apr 12, 2006, 01:05 PM
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Yes. Even though I am never late I do understand the stress, the make believe, the mask we have to wear, the not wanting to be there, the tiredness of it all.
((((((((((((csavage)))))))))))))) 
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