[NtrovertedExtrovert]

I'm sick. I have been for the past 10 yrs or so, in one way or another. Interestingly enough about the same time as the illnesses began their episodes, I had endured the most severe trauma I ever imagined until that point. as time went on my life became the prime example of "murphey's law". Although I had derived the coping skills of real pro during every stage of development in my childhood, the disarray was only tolerable superficially. And this has been the ever-present theme in my life.
My best survival mechanism was/is "trial & error + scientific-method". given the circumstances of my family dynamic and socialites, the curiosity instinct I had was NEVER stifled. Also I became the sole caregiver and friend/confidant of my mother at age 6 after my parents divorced, my grandfather passed and my mom began chemo for cervical & ovarian cancer- all within a 6 week time period. Simultaneously my mother in her wounded state began to isolate herself (and me) from the world. She held my father responsible for everything bad that ever happened after that point, & most all of it was both directly and inderectly her own doing. She had even gone so far as to defame my dad in every possible manner (she is the most duplicit, "whoa is me" sympathist I ever did meet.) so my dad was no longer there to be my grounding force, and since he was also my best friend,mentor,& walking encyclopedia- his absence combined with my mothers collapse left me in an undeserving position.
I spent the majority of my life just trying to make her happy. I never acknolaged my own issues because hers came first. I even lost custody of my daughter 4yrs ago due to her behaviors.
Now I'm married, have a son 8months old, and the health issues of a 60yr old woman. So I beg the question, all things considered, could this be a physiological responce to Anxieties that litterally span my entire life? I have succesfully enabled a dissociative responce to most all my triggers as to better & more adiquately cope. While this is great in many ways, it has also been the source of my growing health concerns. If I am in anyway comprimising the way my mind pereceives the world, one can make a not so big leap to assume that the unexspressed perceptions(fear,guilt,shame,ect) would then manifest into a physical exspression rather than behaviorally or cognitively aware pattern.I never panic when its a true moment of crisi,big or small. I even tend to formulate the most ideal solution for the good of all involved; yet the moment the I find myself in a calm and peaceful place & theres nothing to worry about, I freak out. non specific excitibility.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by NtrovertedExtrovert

I'm sick. I have been for the past 10 yrs or so, in one way or another. Interestingly enough about the same time as the illnesses began their episodes, I had endured the most severe trauma I ever imagined until that point. as time went on my life became the prime example of "murphey's law". Although I had derived the coping skills of real pro during every stage of development in my childhood, the disarray was only tolerable superficially. And this has been the ever-present theme in my life.
My best survival mechanism was/is "trial & error + scientific-method". given the circumstances of my family dynamic and socialites, the curiosity instinct I had was NEVER stifled. Also I became the sole caregiver and friend/confidant of my mother at age 6 after my parents divorced, my grandfather passed and my mom began chemo for cervical & ovarian cancer- all within a 6 week time period. Simultaneously my mother in her wounded state began to isolate herself (and me) from the world. She held my father responsible for everything bad that ever happened after that point, & most all of it was both directly and inderectly her own doing. She had even gone so far as to defame my dad in every possible manner (she is the most duplicit, "whoa is me" sympathist I ever did meet.) so my dad was no longer there to be my grounding force, and since he was also my best friend,mentor,& walking encyclopedia- his absence combined with my mothers collapse left me in an undeserving position.
I spent the majority of my life just trying to make her happy. I never acknolaged my own issues because hers came first. I even lost custody of my daughter 4yrs ago due to her behaviors.
Now I'm married, have a son 8months old, and the health issues of a 60yr old woman. So I beg the question, all things considered, could this be a physiological responce to Anxieties that litterally span my entire life? I have succesfully enabled a dissociative responce to most all my triggers as to better & more adiquately cope. While this is great in many ways, it has also been the source of my growing health concerns. If I am in anyway comprimising the way my mind pereceives the world, one can make a not so big leap to assume that the unexspressed perceptions(fear,guilt,shame,ect) would then manifest into a physical exspression rather than behaviorally or cognitively aware pattern.I never panic when its a true moment of crisi,big or small. I even tend to formulate the most ideal solution for the good of all involved; yet the moment the I find myself in a calm and peaceful place & theres nothing to worry about, I freak out. non specific excitibility.

only your own treatment providers can say one way or the other, we are not allowed to make such a diagnosis here on psych central..

what I can say is that here in NY it is believed possible for someone to convert their mental trauma's into physical problems.. here where I live and work the mental health community believe that happening is called "conversion disorder"

Again we cant tell you whether this is what you are doing or not.

my suggestion contact your treatment providers, they will be able to answer your question for you as it relates to you and your problems.

[NtrovertedExtrovert]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

only your own treatment providers can say one way or the other, we are not allowed to make such a diagnosis here on psych central..

what I can say is that here in NY it is believed possible for someone to convert their mental trauma's into physical problems.. here where I live and work the mental health community believe that happening is called "conversion disorder"

Again we cant tell you whether this is what you are doing or not.

my suggestion contact your treatment providers, they will be able to answer your question for you as it relates to you and your problems.

I appreciate the suggestion, as I am going in tomorrow for a full work up of labs and referrals to a dermatologist, endocrinologist,and possibly another depending on her opinion of my pain-specialists thoughts on my teenage head-trauma having long term effects. but I'm going in to get the full once over: gotta get there at 8:00am and fast tonight.
I'm almost positive its something hormonal but it occurred to m e yesterday that maybe- in the case I receive all normal results- perhaps I should look in to the conversion thing. thats all.