[minefield]

I am so tired, I am forever fighting I need this to be over. If I am not fighting with my head and reliving the trauma over and over again I am fighting the system. It feels as though everyone has given up on me and now treat me like a lost cause. As soon as one battle is over the next arrises. All I want is someone to help me manage and process the PTSD to give me some sort of life but every source of help refuse to deal with me because I am too high risk.

The NHS's latest attempt to help me has resulted in them cancelling my CBT to swap me to DBT. This is fine appart from the fact I have waited a year for CBT and was not of the waiting list and now this swap means I will be waiting another 12 months. I will not survive another year on my own being traumatised over and over again with no one to turn to for help and support. I do not have any family that know or at least they are happy to ignore the obvious and offer no support. My firends have all left me, fed up that I am not the bubbly person that use to exist so I am 100% on my own.

I have complained to PALS but the person who has taken my case only works part time and when I chased her today and told me that she is too busy and this is not a priority so it will be at least 3 weeks before I get an answer. But I am not eating, not sleeping and stressing about this 24/7 this is my life and to them I am a nusance who they are really not that bothered about. I asked her if it was typical to wait three weeks but then she just gave me the Im busy speech so I ask if it would be handled quicker by someone who works full time? She didn't answer this instead just got in a hump and said she will transfer my case and hung up the phone on me so now I have no idea what is going on. My attempt to be careful about what I said I think came across as attitude but why can't they respect how important this is to me and offer me the respect I think I deserve. I don't understand why everyone hates me and hates dealing with me. I am just a scared, confused constantly traumatised individual who is looking for someone to give a **** and get angry and frustrated when not taken seriously.

This is my life why does no one understand how important this is. If everyone has given up on me why the hell am I fighting. I have 42mg of diazapam in my draw and I keep taking the packet out, I have a load of prozac which increase its effect as well as quatiapine which is also a sedator. With this I might be able to bring this fight to an end. I hate that if I take it and survive they will just say I don't have the coping skills but why does it not mean that I need help as a priority rather than just leaving me to rot in my PTSD how does this make any sense at all???

I am so tired, sick to death of being a victim and if nothing happens soon that is exactly what the illness will mean... death. Right now it feels as though they have given me no other choice. How can they expect me to live when they have all given up on me. Its taking all the strength I have left not to take the pills and to give up on myself. They are quite literally killing me.

Does anyone else struggle getting help? Has anyone else experienced health professionals giving up on them? Does anyone else struggle to voice their concerns without making them think you have attitude and makes them uninterested in helping? How can I battle this? How have any of you overcome these problems successfully? Or am I alone here too?

[Gadgetsmile]

First of all sounds like your are in a really bad place.
I know all too well the battle with the NHS and PTSD. Your either not bad enough or too bad to get help. The best one I had was an offer of 6 counselling sessions! I know, life changing stuff right? Like anyone can deal with The cause of the PTSD and the effects of it..Flashbacks ect in 6 sessions.
I haven't managed to get anyone to help me yet... I have actually posted today about trying to get help off the NHS in the psychotherapy forum board. They take your anger and despair as aggressiveness and use it against you to make you look like the bad person. It truly does suck. I know what you mean about the taking tabs. My mental health nurse from the community mental health team made me promise to get rid of the 100+ naproxen, 50 odd codine and an unopened 48 box of diclofenac. Difference is I don't have to look far for a reason not to do it, my 4 year old is in the bed next to mine.
I know what it is like to have no one to turn to. But you can turn to here. Hell, add me to your friends if you like, I'm a bit of a mess too but I can't see anyone else suffer. We can put the NHS to rights!

As long as you have Internet connection you have someone to turn to

Hang in there

[minefield]

Thank you Gadgetsmile, its bad that your experiencing the same but it is such a releif to find out im not the only person they treat this way. I will send you a PM xx I wish there was a way we could all pull our resources together to change things but where do you begin and its not like they would take it seriously afterall were mentally ill so what do we know. I have thought about writing a letter to my MP if they don't fix the mess they have made.

[layla11]

Yes I have had this problem also, the most help I have really gotten is the love and support I receive here at this site. I do have a psychiatrist after switching from another one, and do take medications. Coming here helps get my mind on something else. Hugs

[Open Eyes]

(((minefield))),

Oh I am so sorry that you are running into road blocks when asking for help. Yes, PTSD can be such a challenge and even harder when people don't help and support you. I have been down that road myself and I know it isn't easy.

BUT, you have to try to give yourself some space and dont let yourself feed into the anger or desire of "ending". I know that can be a strong feeling, but it is just a wave like all the other symptoms and you can learn to get it to a point where it reduces in strength and doesn't challenge you like this.

I took me a while to find a therapist to work with, and I did use PC alot to distract me and help my brain just slow down and think in steps. That is what helps, slowing down and also learning how to consciously work against the stress that builds up and not feed into the PTSD.

You do not have to just assume that you will not overcome this PTSD. The truth is you "can" but it does take time and patience. Make sure that you are kind to yourself and just keep asking for treatment. "the squeeky wheel gets the greese".

(((Open Eyes)))

[minefield]

We are labled the insaine or mentally ill but this is crazy!!! We are victims, we did not ask for this, it was not a consequence of us choosing a bad lifestyle. Many of us were children and now all grown up we are changed, we are fighters and survived the unimaginable. It should be our civil right to have access to help. What is even more crazy there is nothing we can do about it. Thank god for this sight hay!!! my mind and heart is broken and all hope of recovery is lost. I admire every single one of you how you have the strength to keep going quite frankly amazes me.

[Open Eyes]

(((minefield))),

It sounds like your PTSD is very "active" right now and overwhelming you. I know that feeling of "exhaustion" and "being so disconnected" and yes, it can be hard to get help too. But I am telling you, that you "can" get past all this with "time" you really can.

It doesn't sound like you are in the US. I don't know about what is available to you where you are, but I recommend you searching the net and seeing if there is anyone that can help you, even a private therapist may know how to lead you in the right direction. I found a therapist and he could see how bad I was struggling and gave me a very discounted rate.

You can even do some journaling here, start a thread if you need to so you will have others who will listen to you. It is not good to sit with just "self" and mull over things, you will need to work through the things that come forward slowly. I was completely confused when I began struggling with PTSD so I totally understand how you feel. Yes I understand the need to feel safe as well. Last year for me was horrible but I just worked on it one day at a time and learned about the waves of memories and challenges and how they all have a period to them and "do" pass.

It is important to understand that this is something you "can" work through as well.
You are really "not" alone with this so make sure you stay connected to others that do know the struggle and can help you calm down and validate you.

I am sorry that you are struggling, but you have to know this can heal too. I am still working through it every day but not nearly as bad as I was last year. I do experience some difficult days but I definitely feel I am slowly gaining on it. I do my best "not" to allow myself to feed into things and find out how a trigger may connect to my past. You "can" get to a point where you can finally just have the memories but not the overwhelming anxiety, or anger, or fatigue that comes from the intitial stage of PTSD.

(((Hugs)))

[NicoTeresa]

Hey Minefield,

You have been through hell and back, it sounds. The professionals that you're dealing with sound like they suck. Your "friends" don't sound any good, either.

That's is why it's good you came here. There are tons of resources, for validation if nothing else. We're all here to support you. Shoot me a private message if you'd like. There's also a therapist search. Some therapists have sliding fee scales, which is essential for someone on a budget. You can also see what their specialties are. That way, perhaps you can find an affordable, effective therapist. I'm not naive, I know things don't always work out. But it's worth a shot.

I'm really worried about you. You have suicidal intentions, a plan, and means. PLEASE, OH PLEASE don't kill yourself! PLEASE give this new resource a chance! There are forums, caring and empathetic people, quizzes, informational articles, and a therapist search. That's just off the top of my head! Please call the suicide hotline at 1-800-273-8255. I'm not trying to pass you off, I know that's how it sounds, I've been where you are before. Or be with people. Try not to be alone. And please, life is worth another chance. I know right now it doesn't seem like it, but things will get better. Take advantage of all the resources here. And make a promise to yourself: you won't kill yourself until you've seen a therapist.

I believe in you. The human spirit is amazing. There are a lot of resources here. Please try to use them.

[minefield]

Thank you guys, I kinda lost the plot for a few days there I became really disossiative because I don't remember much, I do seemed to have burnt out for now though this is why I have been slow replying sorry. I have an essay due for a diploma it is my last one and then I am finished, it has been a godsend because it is actually difficult. Because I am finding it impossible to concentrate it has become all encompassing and enabled me to calm. I am exhaused now though and not even half way but it has to be done so I am living in it if that makes sense. Thank you for your advise and words of encouragement, I wish I could believe you, I can not see any hope that I will sort myself enough to live a life before I am lost and destitute, homeless and jobless and not entitled to benefits. A huge drop for someone who was living the corporate high life and financial comfort, I will not live like that even if it were physically possible. If it is enevitable as it has already been confirmed it will be at the tribunal then why drag out the missery? I cant get thoughts like this out of my mind, its rolling round over and over again.