Whats going on with me lately just getting worse the pased 2 years :(

Well outta no where I will feel very happy and excited to do things like have lots of plans and ideas and than outta no where I will get bored of it or I just wont go and do it.
I talk very quickly sometimes, also get annoyed of things or people very easly, I also am very tired alot of the time, I mean i did see a sycologyst but he only said i have part of border line personality disorder and my family thinks I have something else. right now i am on citolapram , quetiapine fumarate I am taking a half a pill of that quetiapine fumarate it just doesnt seem to be helping me I will feel dark and sad or mad outta no where and not care about anyones feelings until I see that I have hurt them than I will start crying and saying I am sorry and say that I dont get why I did that or outta no where someone will be just talking to me and I will start crying, or if someone gets me really upset outta the littelest thing I will pick up something and throw it and yell or I will end up punching the wall and messing up my hand, but right now its just starting to get worse my niece was sleeping in my bed a fell asleep with the popsickle and it melted all over my sheets and blanket and pillows so I freaked out I couldnt control it I wripped the blanket and sheets off and threw them off than I started yelling and my mom came in and yelled at me saying my niece had school the next day I was like I really dont ****ing care and than I dont know I juse couldnt control myself my stepdad came downstairs and was like whats going on and all I remember is me saying heyyyy wanna watch me cut myself and I had scissors in my hands and than he took my dog and shook his head and I dont know i musta just snapped outta it cause i threw the scissors and than my auntie came in my room and held me while i was crying and couldnt breath barely thats how much i was crying but after that I felt soo bad I went and said sorry to everyone in the house. So yes I do get suicidle toughts lately but I havnt done it I just feel like that sometimes you know like noone would care if I was gone. I also seem to forget things alot lately like my boyfriend does not like it at all or me or my sister or mom will get at it cause they will say I just ****ing told you and than sometimes I will be like uhmm no you didnt and than we will keep fighting or most of the time im crying. Also I can not keep a job or get a job since I graduated school cause if I do get a job I will either be too slow and than my boss will tell me or the co workers will tell me and I will start crying or I will start freaking out.

Hello purple1992! Do you have a therapist who can help you? A therapist can work with you using strategies to minimize the effects of triggers.

I am sure other PC members will be able to advise you on how to cope.

you mean a councillor if so than yes and Ive
talked to her its not really helping
just i could be happy when i see her
and than outta no where i will be all eerrgg
or :'(