Need assistance

Three years ago my mom was diagnosed with cancer. The doctor gave her less than three weeks to live. Our whole family got together and a miracle arrived -- our mother was accepted into a trial treatment program that worked.
Our mothers cancer went into remission - mind you she was never the same with the side effects of the treatment but she was here.
The other day she collapsed and the doctors found cancer somewhere else, there is no cure and our mother no longer has the fight to live.
They moved her to a hospice facilty yesterday and gave her a few days.
I am not ready. I know God already gave her to us for three extra years but I am not ready.
This is the lady who saved my life -- when my family was abusing me and destroying me she took me in to her family and her family became my family. she is now also my mom and I am not ready to say goodbye to this mom and I need help.

((( vanna )))

I'm sorry to hear this sad news.

Please talk to someone at the hospice, they have counselors there for the family members to talk with.

They are very helpful.

If you have a T you need to be in close contact to help you get through this.

Also maybe an online grief support website might be helpful.

Take care...

http://www.beyondindigo.com/

Yes, I agree that talking with a counselor at Hospice is most important. My best friend has just gone throught this, having lost her mom to breast cancer after a fight that lasted several years...

Make the most of the time you have and be a blessing to her the best that you can...

Wishing you the best...

Talk talk talk with her!!! Tell her all that you want her to know, ask her all you want to know. Talk to her about death, and her wishes... yes, it's very hard to do...but you will feel better for doing it...and you will help her too.... No one is really "ready" for those last moments in time... there just seems like so much we forgot to take care of! Take pictures... smile in some of them. Try to find things you both cherish together...and share them some more.



Is there someone or ppl you can call for her, to visit her, to comfort her? What about a minister, or even faraway friends? Think out of the box, so to speak, if you can... we had Thanksgiving in June for my dad...but we only had 5 weeks from his diagnosis.

I wish you strength.

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

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i'm with sky, this is it. talk to her. say the unsaid. learn all you can. keep breathing.

And I want to add to that, please don't let your tremendous pain cause you to fear her dying process. Even if her eyes are closed and she is way off she knows your there. Tell her how you feel and tell her whereever it is she is going to keep an eye on you and that you will carry her with you always. For me doing hands on care is very helpful. Ask the hospice folks if you can swab her mouth or whatever they are doing to help her be more comfortable. Keep talking with her. Good luck

I am glad you got the extra time and I am glad you have a short time to say your peace. She will always be in your heart and it hurts but try to celebrate who she is/was. Maybe tell stories to her as you sit with her. Bring out pictures for other family members to talk about and reminisse.

Thanks to everyone. Our mother passed away this afternoon around 2 pm. We were with her straight thru 40 hours. She couldn't speak but it was clear she could hear us.
The people at hospice were wonderful.
Today around 1 pm (after our mom struggling to die and let go now for over 24 hours)the hospice team felt that our mom didn't want to die in our presence and was waiting for us all to say our goodbyes to her. so we did and left the hospice center. we were not even back in my sisters house (5 minutes away) for 10 minutes when they called to say she passed away peacefully.
I thank everyone for their assistance and support.
I got the time to thank my mom for all she did to save my life and make it what it is today. I got to tell her I loved her which is a difficult thing for me. I got to be there and share time with her and stories and just hold her hand.
I know the next few days will be hard but as a family we will get by.

((((( vanna )))))

so sorry to hear of your loss.......

)))))))))))) peace to your Mom, you and yours.(((((((

(((Vanna)))

I am so sorry...

Cancer has taken many in my family too. there is nothing that can describe it other than the corny line going through my head for you right now and that is - she is now out of pain and is free. Sorry you had to go through this.

(((((((((((((vanna))))))))))))),

My prayers are with you & your family. I can understand the sorrow you are feeling. My prayers are with you to get through this difficult time. When I saw your post, I realized that your mother died on Sept 2 which was my mothers birthday. My mother died of cancer just 1 1/2 years ago.

Your mother was very blessed to have you as her daughter. It's hard to say that final goodbye. Your love for her was the most wonderful thing she could have had. It was great that you were able to spend that valuable time at the end with her, enjoying every minute together that you possibly could. Even though there is never enough time to say goodbye, when things are able to be expressed, then regrets are much less. That still doesn't take away the sorrow of loosing your Mother, but you can look back & have good memories of the time you spent together.

I know it sounds stupid, but you were actually lucky that everyone was honest with you & your mother about the truth that she was dying. It gave you the chance to be open, honest, & loving with your Mother. It gave you a chance to enjoy being with her.

I had everyone telling me & my Mother that they got all of her cancer & not once did her Dr tell her or me that her cancer was terminal. I saw it all happening in front of my eyes & knew that my mother was dying, but I couldn't talk to her about it because she didn't believe that she was dying. I was walking on egg shells around her, but tried to make sure that all of our family members were able to come & see her. Of course, I had a trauma that I also was dealing with at the time & was trying to protect her from that.

I do know that my Mother was hanging on & just wouldn't let go. Besides the fact that she didn't believe that she was dying, I think there was a fear she had of dying too. One night just before I had to go back into the medical hospital for several weeks, I took her hands & told her it was ok to let go & that my dad was waiting for her. I knew that she couldn't possibly hold on until I got out of the hospital so I needed to say my goodbye that night. She couldn't talk either, but the weak squeeze of her hands let me know that she heard me. Just 2 hours after I left was when she died quietly in her sleep. I was with her 24/7 until I got her safely into the nursing home & got hospice care for her. Unfortunately, I got the hospice care for her only 5 days before she died. She should have had that care for at least 2 months if not more.

I think that seeing someone going through cancer is the hardest thing I have ever experienced. Watching the life slowly drain away & watching it cause so much pain even with the meds. It is a memory that never goes away.

If you ever feel the need to talk about anything, I am here with a PM ear to listen,
Debbie