[MotownJohnny]

Anniversaries of things that happened to me are usually troubling for me, a lot of memories. Both distant and recent things. So, I decided it makes a lot more sense to turn it around 180 than to sit and brew about the past.

I have a really big one coming up -- last year, on a Friday in August, I received death threats at work from a disturbed and disgruntled client. And, I tried to slough it off as nothing... except, that didn't work too well. I had an epic breakdown of panic attacks after I left work. The entire thing caused me to become unhinged to the point that I spent a couple of weeks in a hospital day program in September of last year. Which lead to an entire set of other issues -- made me feel like the lowest of the low.

But it also lead me to a place where I decided that my life was worth fighting for. It hasn't been the easiest. My father hated me, his only son, to the point that he pinned me down a couple of times as a teenager with a loaded rifle and said he should just blow me away, because I was worthless garbage.

All of this could really bother me, if I let it. There was a time when I let it.

I refuse to let it any more.

So, last year, I spent the afternoon listening to this guy call me, rant, threaten, and me calling the cops to be told they couldn't do anything.

This year, I'm going to take the afternoon off of work, and spend it at one of my favorite places, the gym. Get in a good cardio workout, then a swim, then the hot tub, and then, I've booked an hour with the massage therapist.

I spent the drive home last year wracked with panic attacks. Had to pull over in a parking lot and throw up for like 20 minutes.

I'm planning on driving home that afternoon via "the scenic route" and stop at a couple of little places I know -- pick up some really great fresh produce at a good market, and stop and get myself an ice cream cone, something I eat once in a blue moon.

When I got home last year, I paced around my house like a caged animal, in a really weird state of mind -- I can remember it, it was a feeling of being completely trapped, one of the weirdest times of my life. Like I couldn't get my heart rate below 180, and I couldn't calm down. Like I was watching it happen in a movie.

This year, going to go out to dinner with friends, at a seafood place I like, for a long leisurely evening.

The key to success with anything like PTSD, depression, IMHO, is to never stop fighting it, and show it who is boss. That is what I have been doing for the past 10 months, and it is working for me.

[kaliope]

congratulations on overcoming your fears and coming out on top!

[MotownJohnny]

Well, I am still a work in progress, but I have come a long way from the train wreck I was a year ago. I absolutely believe being aggressively proactive is the key to success.

[spondiferous]

Thanks for sharing, and congratulations on your milestone.