[SongofDeborah]

I keep reading about statistics stating that most rape victims know their rapist. It didn't happen that way for me. I was first assaulted, by a stranger, at 13. I was drugged and raped, by another stranger, at 15. I was raped, again by a stranger, while waiting for a bus on my way to work, at 25. I was sexually assaulted by a co-worker, twice, and suffered from near constant harassment by that person and my employer, at 50.
That was my last full time employment and it ended in 2008.

I applied for SSDI in 8/2010, and was denied last June '12, by an ALJ with the highest denial rate in the state.
I apparently haven't been able to describe how all those experiences, and my reactions, negatively affect my life. I've done my best to avoid thinking about it. I've wondered since I was 13 about what was wrong with me, and why people treated me the way they do.

I'm not even going to address the life-long DV experience; that I finally put behind me last year.

[hope2013]

There's nothing wrong with you. They treated you the way they did because there's something wrong with them.

We live in a rape culture that affects the way people think about sexual assault, minimizing its impact

[Open Eyes]

(((SongofDeborah))),

I agree with hope, this doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. However, victims tend to ask that very question. I got so fed up that I stood in front of a T and asked him "what is it about me that attracts predators somehow"?

Well, the truth is these predators are out there and they look for someone they can "intimidate" and it doesn't have to be someone who sticks out, it could be and mostly is someone who tends to be shy even. And you need to realize that you are not their only victim either. It is not really something we get educated about either and predators learn how to victimize others in sneaky ways and often they disguise themselves so well that people around them don't believe they could be someone "bad".

You are not alone in wondering "why me", that is the question all victims have and they often "self blame" when it was never their fault or something they did wrong.

((Hugs))
OE

[happiedasiy]

Originally Posted by hope2013

There's nothing wrong with you. They treated you the way they did because there's something wrong with them.

We live in a rape culture that affects the way people think about sexual assault, minimizing its impact

Tv and other media news do not say rape anymore, they say sexual assaulted.
There is a big difference both are traumatic experiences and should not be minimized. When I hear someone has been sexually assaulted, I hear someone has been raped. Any sexual misconduct forced upon a person. It is what it is.
I hope you find pc to be a safe place to begin to heal. While you heal you will be better educated in who is trustworthy.
Hope2013/OE are very supportive and lots of others are here to offer help and aren't judgemental.
Sincerely,
Happiedasiy/Hugs and support.

[tiggerandcrew]

(((((Gentle Hugs)))))))))))))) I am so sorry this happened to you. I agree with everything above. You are definately not at fault nor is there anything wrong with you. The perpetrators are the ones who are at fault whether you know them or not. Abuse is abuse no matter what ans we are survivors. How we survive now is up to us and the work we do to heal. It is our journey. You are strong,brave, and a remarkable person. You are a survivor. We are here to help support you. Be gentle with yourself.

[drj7d8]

I myself tend to blame myself. It is definitely something you can not do. Those people did the horrible things to you, it was NOT your fault.

I will say the question I ask (as I have have been sexually assaulted more than once) why it keeps happening to me. That's something I will never figure out. Still does not make it your fault.

They are the ones with the problems. We just have to suffer the horrible PTSD from it.

[Nothingbutgone]

I was sexually assaulted once, by my older brother while we were going though tough times. He now avoids and say he doesn't rememeber, but when he found out I was in depression he apologized for what he did, and that he didn't know any better.
Love, This isn't your fault. If you could have changed it you would have, but you couldn't. Instead of seeing it as a flaw in you, see it as what has made you stronger. It's there fault they couldn't control there hormone levels and for putting you at risk of PTSD and possible STD. The next time something happens like that go to court and charge them. They could get jail time and, maybe put your thoughts at ease a bit. Don't blame yourself, you did nothing wrong. Okay? We're here for you.

[Beachboxer]

Whew - I have popped in and out of here now and then. I THINK this is the first thread where I have seen women who have gone thru the same thing. I dissociate and forget a lot & have a lot on my plate that I can't really deal with - aging Mom etc. But I am seeing my PDoc & Class 1x a wk at hosp. Lost my PTSD Counsellor last year so am lost in limbo there..just coping..glad to find you..one day at a time works.