[sweepy62]

I suffered trauma as a child and I remember lots of stuff but there are these nightmares and flash memories of my crib and me being undressed as a one yr old in my dreams I see myself as a duly looking at this child which is me and I can't help I can't move My t says it can be pre verbal trauma I told her its not important so why should I dig deeper to remember it. Do you agree?

[Piraeus]

What did the T say when you told her it was not important? If it doesn't cause any triggers, then I would say it's not important. Most people have no memories of pre verbal life. I remember being 3yrs old, and doing stuff that drove my mom crazy.
Thanks for sharing with us. You are very brave. See you around the forums.

Piraeus

[sweepy62]

That's just it since I started trauma work of stuff I do remember I been getting lots of flashbacks in bits and pieces she says those may be pre verbal but the last thing I want to do is go that far back just want to process what I remember she says that it's not good to stuff those memories omg

[Gus1234U]

i have recovered pre-verbal memories, they are body memories, quite terrifying really. i believe it's important to accept that this stuff happened, and it affected me, all my life, in ways i can hardly understand.... and now it's time to heal that memory and move on,,,

let life be OK, what ever happens, avoid the urge to beat yourself up... do not crash upon the rocks of destruction.... and if there is help, be grateful, but in the end, remember, life is a Do It Yourself Job~!

best wishes,
Gus

a resource you might want to look over:
Soul Retrieval

[Open Eyes]

(((sweepy62))),

I have experienced the "pre verbal" flashbacks too, yes, they are IMHO the worst. I do not know what is happening, but I do know I am in my crib too. I experience a lot of stomach pains and severe chills with these flashbacks too.

What helped me though is my T told me that it could be that I was "cold, wet, and hungry" and "crying" and no one came to meet my needs. I cry really bad when I have this particular flashback and as I said, I experience a lot of stomach pain and tbh, I feel like I am dying.

When I really think about it, my mother had two other young children, the house was older and tended to be "cold" too. I feel it is quite possible that my T is right, I am cold, wet, hungry and crying and no one is coming to answer my needs. When babies are very hungry, their tummies can ache too.

I have felt relieved that what my T is saying makes sense to me and I have an answer to this haunting awful flashback that I am too young to understand.

Our brains remember "everything" that relates to being frightened and vulnerable and in "great need of some kind". So while you have been challenged with PTSD/complex PTSD, everything you did not have a resolve for and were "in fear or emotional need" of some kind "can" come forward.

You need to sort through whatever you have come forward, not as something you should "fear" but something you finally need to "self comfort for and resolve".

(((Hugs)))
OE

[sweepy62]

Thank you so much guys I keep having flash backs of shaking crying being held and kidded on th mouth my a msn

[Open Eyes]

((sweepy62)),

I understand, I have dealt with that myself as I remember "in every way" being held down when I was very little and trying very hard to break free, but not having enough strength.

You need to remember, you did survive these events though, they are only a part of you and they always will be, but now you are finally going to "work through them" and knowing that "you survived and you are safe" in the now.

What I have been doing in therapy, is finally talking about them, which does bring forward stronger "flashbacks, emotional flashbacks, and body memories". However I have been slowly "grieving" these bad experiences, having them validated and also seeing how these experiences contributed to "who I became as a person" too, but didn't really "realize it".

You need to slowly "allow yourself" to see some positives too, where in spite of being threatened, you found ways to "thrive" which is what we are designed to do as human beings.

The purpose of therapy is for you to be able to identify yourself in a new way and understand "why and how" you developed as a person around "abuse or neglect of some kind". That you "can" with time, grieve whatever you feel was "lost" because of that, but to also see the strengths you have too. It is about making peace with "self" and "caring and loving "self" in spite of the trauma's you have endured. To also realize that you are "not alone" with this challenge either, others have similar experiences. The whole point of our design is to identify dangers and share them in order to protect others from these dangers. So there is an urge to talk about it and also seek "justice" of some kind, but to do this in "healthy ways".

We tend to have a way of determining "healthy" people and what "should" happen when children are growing up and "how" they should be cared for and nurtured. Well, the correct environment often does "not take place", but that does not have to mean that we are "unworthy or should not continue to thrive" either.

In my therapist's therapy room, there are blankets and pillows and comfortable chairs and a sofa. What I have learned is that the blankets and pillows are used by many of his clients that "get the chills, cold, fearful" and need these items to "get warm and feel safe" while they slowly work through these very troubling "memories".

You are "not alone" with the challenges you are describing. You need to finally be "comforted" as you had always deserved while you finally work through these upsetting events from your past. It takes time to work through them until you can finally get to a point where you finally begin to process them correctly and grow past them and gain slowly.

Patience, and lots of "self care' and allowing yourself to "verbalize" whatever is there so you can finally be "validated and comforted as you always deserved".

(((Hugs)))
OE

[sweepy62]

God bless you thank you I often feel cheeks and the need to curl up when I only remember bits of preverbal stuff which I thought was not important versus of the stuff I do remember I often feel body pain and NAUSEAUS during flashbacks in and out of t but I don't tell her but she notices because she grounds me right away but I'm 46 yrs old I feel I should have gotten over this

[Open Eyes]

(((Sweepy))

I am in my fifties, and I know how you feel. The truth is, this can happen at any point in someone's life. Often it can come from a recent trauma or even having a child of yours reach an age where you experienced a major trauma, that can bring this "PTSD" response to take place.

My T told me that there was a big meeting where vets were gathered together to commemorate their service in WWII and they watched film clips and saw pictures and talked to each other. Many men shortly after that complained of experiencing flashbacks and developing PTSD symptoms. Many of these men lived their lives and had families and managed to be fine, so they could not understand "why" they suddenly "after many years" developed PTSD.

It can come forward during a point in life where one can feel vulnerable in some way, whether it be financial, sick aging parent or experiencing health problems or anything that can resemble the feelings that were experienced as a child or during a trauma/traumas.

Like you, I was totally surprised that I could experience these early "non verbal" flashbacks too. I always thought that we just live through things, get past them and keep going somehow, I never imagined ever reliving my childhood as I have been. I find it very upsetting because I now realize I was such a frightened and severely stressed child. And when other people are "dismissive" and have these "just get over it the past is over" kind of statements, that really aggravates it to a point that can become "very crippling" for me. That is the same response I had as a child too, which of course created so much internal turmoil in me during that period of my life.

They say that people who struggle with PTSD get a lot of comfort when they are around others that also are challenged by PTSD. That is because they are "validated" by the "very real challenge" of it and it is really nice to have access to others who know the challenge first hand and can relate.

I have days where "something" has triggered me and I am not sure what and I struggle all day long "crippled" with painful "emotional flashbacks" that completely tire me out. It is so hard to explain to people around me in my family too, and they have often "been very mean and dismissive" to me, which of course makes it so much worse. However, by having a therapist who "knows" I am not faking or acting but am truly struggling, it has been such a life saver.

It is a lot of work to work through PTSD that goes back so far like this. Having the support from others who "understand that" is what helps when it comes to slowly "improving and healing".

OE

[sweepy62]

I'm sorry you are struggling and I appreciate your response nobody knows my secrets except for my t recently and not all of it my ptsd group some of it my h will never know and neither will my family ever sine I started forking on trauma slowly every two weeks three months ago and ptsd group I been having horrible nightmares of stuff I don't remember I remember from age five on but hardly nothing before but I feel flash backs of when I was a toddler or something it's so illogical

[Open Eyes]

Yes, I have felt the same way Sweepy. Yes it seems that the "flashes" of such an early age don't seem possible, but they are, too many people have experienced them.

My T told me that children often block things out and completely disassociate when they are traumatized. We are designed to be that way so we can survive and thrive.
Children simply do not have the life skills to understand things, so they just disassociate and often what has been noticed is they also act these issues out in play. I remember doing that myself, not realizing that I was trying to work out how to fix the trauma through my toys, dolls etc.

What I can say to you Sweepy, is try not to determine that you suffered out right abuse in these flashes.
It could be that you simply were "stressed" in some way and not abused sexually or anything. What you are most likely remembering is a "need" and "being stressed" somehow which is something we tend to always remember, even from a very early age.

OE

[Fuzzybear]

.........

[sweepy62]

Thank u I will just work on what I remember in fact no through what I think thank you for all your advice thanks fuzz as well

[tiggerandcrew]

I also have had pre-verbal memories. I am also DID and have two pre-verbal alters. In my experiences, when the nightmares are happening they are memories that are in need of attention and processing. If you ignore them, they will continue to haunt you until you do work with them and acknowledge them. As much as I have wanted to shove certain memories (physical, emotional, etc,) back where they came from, it never works. It just gets worse until I work with it. Pre-verbal memories are indeed a real factor and can't be ignored any more than any other age memories. Good luck with your journey.

[sweepy62]

Thank you Riggs I just don't know where and how to start with pre verbal it's do darn confusing

[sweepy62]

Tiggs I'm sorry

[tinyrabbit]

I think your T wants to make it clear she cares and is willing to help you. Because I think that, if your T said it didn't matter or wasn't worth remembering, you'd feel very bad, you know?

[sweepy62]

You are right she does care I was asking my mom a hypothetical question something to do with my crib and she told the question made no sense made a joke and changed the subject I always wondered if she suspected or not maybe I don't want to know