Hypervigilance...

I posted a while back about struggling with PTSD at work. I don't know if posting here actually helps, just can't find anyone around me who would understand so here I am! I hate the hypervigilance so much. I can never give people the benefit of the doubt because I observe and notice every single thing. Like I walk into a room and I'll notice if they suddenly change the conversation topic, or I'll notice the subtle changes in their facial expressions. I can tell when people are talking about me. I pick up on every word that is said. I sit in a room and I'm listening out for things going on outside the room. I can actually hear the conversations and laughter of people outside the room I'm in. I can't turn it off. It makes me so distrustful. I think some of it is probably real but maybe some of it is exaggerated. Or my brain just jumps to the worst conclusion. Someone who knows what this is like, please help...

hi wolfie~ having been hyper-vigilant most of my life, i will say that it's not the vigilance that is the problem, but the thoughts that come swarming over what we notice, and the feelings that come along for the ride.

while the vigilance is a brain function, and very hard to change, the thoughts and feelings are more responsive to a determined intervention. remember, what we focus on is enlarged in the mind's eye, so focus on positive things.

perhaps people stop talking when you come into the room to see if you have something to tell them ? smile and nod, see what happens next. if they look surprised, then you might have been giving them mixed signals about how to respond to you~ that can certainly be changed.

there is a post in the Emotions forum with some self-soothing and other coping skills, that might be of use to you:
http://forums.psychcentral.com/post-...anic-ptsd.html

also, you might look into Cognitive Therapy, 'change your world by changing your mind'
best wishes~
Gus

(((((Wolfie)))))
I'm sorry, my dear
I get horrible hypervigilance, but it's about something a little different.
However, I still know what it's like to feel like absolutely everyone is talking about you nonstop.
A saying that has helped me a lot is:
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" ~Elanor Roosevelt

I hope that it gets easier, mija.

I hate it to, but yeah most people wouldn't understand, just like my mom doesn't understand why I can be doing a simple task like a small load of dishes and get so distracted it takes me an hour or longer to actually get it done. During that time I am doing it still....so then I get mad because I feel like she is accusing me of not doing what I am doing just because I am slower at it.

But anyways hypervigilance sucks, gives me the wrong idea a lot of times because I think someone is annoyed or frusterated if they look at me...or are thinking bad things about me when its not even happening. Usually if that happens and someone says something I just say I was confused, because I don't want to say 'well I thought you had an issue with what I said or thought you where mad because I suggested this' or whatever. like earlier me and some family members planned to get some beers..then when we left I was going to suggest we stop by the liquor store and one of them looked at me so I thought they didn't have time for that and just wanted to go to the park and leave...but they had no such thought. So we still went and got beers but yeah I mistook a simple look in my direction for 'we don't have time to do that anymore'. Then of course much of the time I am oblivious to things due to autism having PTSD on top of that is confusing.

Wow. I never had a word for it before. It wasnt until recently that I realized I'm totally paranoid and hypervigilant. The thing is, I know that sometimes my hypervigilance and paranoia is justified. So I feel like I'm rewarded in a way for the behavior and so reinforcing it.

There are people where I work who will quickly stab you in the back if you don't keep an eye on them. It doesnt help my mental stability at all.

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Right there with you. That's why I stay to myself. I've been tricked too many times and I don't believe in trust anymore. Well, barely. But I often wonder how much of the mistrust my son gets is actually in response to the way he's triggering me just by his mannerisms (as if having my tortuously abusive ex-husband's features wasn't tough enough to get used to). I ruin so many relationships wondering what people's hidden agendas are. I really can't stand it. Hopefully I'll be able to get some decent help soon. I want to be functional again!

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Faking sane, that's the important thing. We want to get better. We don't like living like this. We recognize there are problems, and we want help. I feel like that's half the battle. ..yes, GI Joe reference.


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Yes, it is challenging being hyper aware, and it isn't really being paranoid, there is a difference. Typically people who are hyper aware in the way you are describing actually "do" have a history where they were verbally abused, and the danger was "real". So, what results is the person becomes very guarded and can express themselves to others in a manner that only sends the wrong messages, yet the person with PTSD isn't realizing it. If people get quiet when you walk into a room, that doesn't mean they were talking about you, it just means they were most likely discussing things they just didn't want "anyone" else to hear. It is important for you to pay attention to your thoughts and make sure that you haven't formed a habit of automatically assuming people don't like you, are out to destroy or hurt you, or are talking about you.

That being said, what is most likely also taking place is that you are also picking up on how society overall right now is challenged with "trust issues" because of the media and the political environment where there really "is" a lot of suspicions and negative talk taking place. The thing to remember is that the PTSD always "magnifies" so it is important to develop self talk where you keep reminding yourself of that and self sooth, self calm, and make a conscious decision to "let go". When I say "let go", what I mean by that is to work on realizing that "most" people worry like you do on some level, so make a decision that some of that is normal, and then work on whatever it is that bothers you, practice desensitizing and rationalizing and learning to defuse by making the constant conscious decision that your motives are fine, you are not a danger to others and you are just going to move forward with less worry. That will send a signal of ease to others too.

It would be good for you to look into CBT and DBT, because these therapies help you do just what I am advising, these therapies help you develop better responses when you struggle so that you send out better messages to others which gives you better reactions that are different from whatever messages you have sent out that put you into a repetitive struggle.

The challenge with PTSD is that people who struggle with it have been traumatized in some way and that trauma has profoundly affected them
and they really "are" much more sensitive. The healing IMHO, comes with
"time" and the right kind of therapy and slowly mourning whatever was lost,
working through it, and learning how to develop "new" skills. Each person
is going to be different depending on their back ground and whatever their
skill set has been. Healing just doesn't happen overnight either, the person
struggling has to understand that and not fall into "self blame, shame, and self sabotaging". Unfortunately, when someone is struggling with PTSD, the nature of the disorder really can lead a person to feeling it is their fault somehow and the "anger" that is often present "can" be turned inward.
It is very important to recognize this and whenever it takes place "commit"
to "patience and self care" just as you would with any other illness or injury.
Be dedicated, even when it gets very challenging, because as you concentrate
on "self care, patience, forgiving self, and consistently making conscious decisions to "keep trying", and again PATIENCE with self, you will begin to
make "gains".


OE

I am hypervigilent to distraction. I can't focus on anything but where the doors and emerg. exits are, windows, if they're open or closed, how many people are present (could care less if they're watching me, least of my worries and I've already assumed the worst about the people anyway) and are they blocking the exits, weapons, hiding places should I need one, etc. I never give up my coat for coat room incase I need to make a fast exit. I check to see if windows are low enough to ground outside that I could survive a jump. I am terrified every second of my life. Trust? I trust only in myself to take care of myself as no one else will if something happens. I depend on no one. Ever. And I am alone or taking care of everyone else as a result. I have been taking care of everyone my whole life and resent it (myself) but can't take the chance of ever becoming dependent on anyone and never will till I'm dead or paralyzed. I am never off. I run screaming in my dreams right out of the house at night. And I don't want to stop being hypervigilant because the moment I let down my guard, I will be harmed. I wish life were safer, that I could have a rest period. I'm so weary. Having just read my own reply, think the worst that could happen is my going on like this. This is worse than my worst fears....

cindyluehoo, have you ever had therapy for all of this?

I am so sorry you are struggling so much. You are welcome to talk about the "whys" behind your challenges, even if it is just to hear others that may have experienced similar challenges.

(((Caring Hugs)))
OE

Clonazepam is a good cure for hypervigilance. Much more effective than talk therapy or any other such nonsense. If you truly have PTSD, then the talk stuff won't make a difference.

I feel like clonazapam has done very good things for me in terms of figuring out the actual danger of any given situation. And because I take it PRN, I'm beginning to see that some of the reasoning I've learned with it sticks with me even if I haven't taken it. I sleep a lot now, but after a lifetime of being on edge, I figure I have a lot of rest to catch up on.
I do think taking helps. I haven't had much help from therapy yet, but having my husband help me sort through the worst case scenarios tht always play in my mind and weed out the highly unlikely ones has helped me quite a bit.

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Hypervigilance is OK, If your body is balanced and your perceptions are accurate its just heightened awareness. Its meant to save your life. Let it.

Paranoia is something else.
Anxiety is something else.

Hypervigilance is OK. You see a lot. Your senses are clearer. You may be distracted but you are also more involved in and responsive to life. You are awake and alive.