[MindDiver]

I will make this as short as possible. I have been diagnosed with PTSD in the past from various events in my life. I struggle with anxiety, depression, and low self esteem. I've done my best to cope and have done a decent job at it when it comes to some of the traumatic events I've experienced. That's one reason that it was so disappointing for me to experience the most marked, definite symptoms of PTSD from an event that occurred months ago. I think it has also been incredibly disappointing because it is tied to a relationship that I care deeply about that was already troubled and it's just something I have not been able to move past. Triggers come out of no where. I carry a deep sadness as well as anger with myself and those involved. I have experienced panic attacks, feelings of "almost fainting," intense fear, distrust, intense physical and emotional pain, feelings of coldness/numbness throughout my body, thoughts that seep in and destroy otherwise happy moments, shaking, nightmares, and the list goes on. It haunts me. Nothing I have said is an exaggeration. This is very difficult for me and I'm disappointed that something that might seem very minor to others has had such a great impact on me/my well-being, after I've survived so much.

This is what happened. My partner and I had experienced a few misunderstandings within a few days. It was very upsetting for me as well as him. He was stressed out. On the day he left, he informed me that he had just called a former female friend to check on the well being of another friend. I was confused as I was never told they were friends and did not understand why he was contacting her. He had told me that he did not want to be friends with this girl and would not be in contact with her(when she contacted him in the past). Long story short, the conversation with me left him feeling upset and he left without telling me where he was going.
It is very difficult to write this.

Fast forward to later that day: He sent me a text demanding that I apologize for a list of things involving the conflicts we had experienced. He said he wouldn't come home unless I apologized. Out of desperation, I apologized. At this time, he was contacting the aforementioned girl. He then said I wasn't really sorry/etc. I didn't hear from him after that. I sent him a nice message and said I loved him. I called and left a msg with the same and also experienced my concern for his well being. I heard nothing from him. My mind went to horrible places as I worried about his safety, what he was doing, who he was doing it with, etc. I experienced panic attacks that day. I went through hell. It was a nightmare. I didn't sleep that night. I laid in bed shaking, crying, and experiencing panic. I cannot express how bad it was for me. My partner knows my past and my anxiety/other issues but we obviously don't always think of others feelings when we're upset, as he claims to have been. It wasn't until 5am that he finally responded to a text msg I had sent, wondering where he was. He said he was at his friend's house(the male one) and wouldn't be coming home. He didn't indicate when/if he would ever come home or who he was with. I felt awful. Throughout all of this, I had a strong sense that he had been with that girl. I dismissed it as paranoia.

The next night, he returned home. He acted like nothing had happened. I borrowed his phone to call a friend whom I had spoken to during everything as I needed to talk to someone. Upon looking at his phone, I saw a text from the girl stating "It was good seeing you. I love and miss you both."(referring to him/his friend) I couldn't move.

There were other texts and calls and I saw that he was making arrangements with her(he said he contacted her as he didn't want to call his male friend's house and wake people up, in his defense) when he was forcing me to apologize. He had no intention of coming home.

I don't know that he would have told me any of this if I hadn't confronted him. He claims he was only there for "like 5 minutes" and he had to see her because he was with his male friend. He refused to say if she hugged him or any other details. He became angry when I first tried to talk to him about it and left, then returned and wrote me an email tearing me apart for past things(money issues). I have tried on a few other occasions to talk to him. It never works out. I have had a mild panic attack in front of him when I experienced a trigger. I have told him I experienced PTSD. He has made comments dismissing what happened with statements like "I told you I wasn't coming home" and stating that he was stressed and had to leave. He said he couldn't help seeing the girl as "I can't help who my friends are friends with."
I don't know how to get past this without being able to ask questions and express myself to him. I have tried. I know if I try again he will dismiss/invalidate my feelings. I don't think he sees his actions as "wrong" or understands why they had such a strong impact on me. I think he feels I'm being unreasonable. How can I get through to him? How can I cope? This is really affecting my life and I don't know how to move past it without talking about it. I have tried. I struggle with it daily. I don't know what has been done or said. I have a lot of unanswered questions. I'm afraid to ask those questions now. I'm afraid of his reactions. I'm afraid of how I'll feel and, subsequently, how I will feel when my emotions are dismissed or ignored. Any comments are welcome. I know I missed details but this is not an easy thing to talk about.

[Open Eyes]

Hi (((MindDiver))), welcome to PC.

I am sorry you are struggling with a partner who is not understanding that you do struggle with PTSD. Understanding "your" needs doesn't seem to be "his" priority, he isn't hearing you but instead is more interested in getting "his" needs met.

Do you see a therapist? If not, I think you should look into finding one that can help you work through this challenge and decide if this relationship is only going to do you harm.
It "is" hard to have others understand PTSD and be "considerate" and "supportive", I have had that challenge myself so I know how painful it can be.

((Caring Hugs))
OE

[Quarter life]

Hi MindDiver.

I have been a member of this site for just over 7 months now. I joined as I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress and associated Depression. Over the last few months I have recieved really constructive feedback and have made several great contacts and friends. For anyone going through a hard time, or those just wanting to reach out and have a chat....This is the place.

Be patient with getting responses to your posts, just keep posting away and feedback will eventually come.

Be kind to yourself MindDiver. Q.L

[ChipperMonkey]

Well, your partner is being deceptively vague. It is causing your anxiety to spike, not surprisingly. I think my question for you is why do you put up with this guy? He doesn't seem to give a flying fark about your PTSD. Honestly, life is to short to waste time on people who don't understand or care. And sadly, a great percentage of the population deem us too "complex" to even bother with. You can't change your partner. You can't make him discuss anything with you. The only thing you can control is you, and I hope that you can see that you definitely deserve a better partner, one who is respectful, honest, and willing to communicate. This loser is none of the above.

[Crazygrl882]

I dealt with a partner who was unable to accept my PTSD, along with my other disorder which worsened as a result of the trauma (bipolar). I was raped while married. Your experience sounds similar to mine. Instead of him trying to understand you, he is putting himself first and thinking of how you react to things (which is a normal result of someone with PTSD) and he is turning himself into a victim and forcing you to apologize when really he should be apologizing to you for the way he is treating you.

The way he is treating you is going to worsen your symptoms. Noatrer how hard it is right now, you need to put yourself and your mental health first. If he does not support you and try to help you and only makes you feel worse you are going to have to give him an ultimatum. You could suggest he go to counseling with you. You certainly also need your own therapist but couples counseling is the only thing that could help this so he could learn how to support someone with PTSD.

My ex told me that he had PTSD from how I was treating him as a result of me being raped. Can you imagine? I got worse and worse trying to fix things and finally I realized I had to leave and put my own mental health first. Someone with PTSD will react to things a certain way as a result of the disorder. The partner should be accommodating. Not play a victim and make
You feel guilt. He seems emotionally abusive. You will need to be strong. This is what I had to do. I still struggle and am sad I had to get a divorce but staying would only have caused me so much more pain. I'm sorry you are going through this.

Originally Posted by MindDiver

I will make this as short as possible. I have been diagnosed with PTSD in the past from various events in my life. I struggle with anxiety, depression, and low self esteem. I've done my best to cope and have done a decent job at it when it comes to some of the traumatic events I've experienced. That's one reason that it was so disappointing for me to experience the most marked, definite symptoms of PTSD from an event that occurred months ago. I think it has also been incredibly disappointing because it is tied to a relationship that I care deeply about that was already troubled and it's just something I have not been able to move past. Triggers come out of no where. I carry a deep sadness as well as anger with myself and those involved. I have experienced panic attacks, feelings of "almost fainting," intense fear, distrust, intense physical and emotional pain, feelings of coldness/numbness throughout my body, thoughts that seep in and destroy otherwise happy moments, shaking, nightmares, and the list goes on. It haunts me. Nothing I have said is an exaggeration. This is very difficult for me and I'm disappointed that something that might seem very minor to others has had such a great impact on me/my well-being, after I've survived so much.

This is what happened. My partner and I had experienced a few misunderstandings within a few days. It was very upsetting for me as well as him. He was stressed out. On the day he left, he informed me that he had just called a former female friend to check on the well being of another friend. I was confused as I was never told they were friends and did not understand why he was contacting her. He had told me that he did not want to be friends with this girl and would not be in contact with her(when she contacted him in the past). Long story short, the conversation with me left him feeling upset and he left without telling me where he was going.
It is very difficult to write this.

Fast forward to later that day: He sent me a text demanding that I apologize for a list of things involving the conflicts we had experienced. He said he wouldn't come home unless I apologized. Out of desperation, I apologized. At this time, he was contacting the aforementioned girl. He then said I wasn't really sorry/etc. I didn't hear from him after that. I sent him a nice message and said I loved him. I called and left a msg with the same and also experienced my concern for his well being. I heard nothing from him. My mind went to horrible places as I worried about his safety, what he was doing, who he was doing it with, etc. I experienced panic attacks that day. I went through hell. It was a nightmare. I didn't sleep that night. I laid in bed shaking, crying, and experiencing panic. I cannot express how bad it was for me. My partner knows my past and my anxiety/other issues but we obviously don't always think of others feelings when we're upset, as he claims to have been. It wasn't until 5am that he finally responded to a text msg I had sent, wondering where he was. He said he was at his friend's house(the male one) and wouldn't be coming home. He didn't indicate when/if he would ever come home or who he was with. I felt awful. Throughout all of this, I had a strong sense that he had been with that girl. I dismissed it as paranoia.

The next night, he returned home. He acted like nothing had happened. I borrowed his phone to call a friend whom I had spoken to during everything as I needed to talk to someone. Upon looking at his phone, I saw a text from the girl stating "It was good seeing you. I love and miss you both."(referring to him/his friend) I couldn't move.

There were other texts and calls and I saw that he was making arrangements with her(he said he contacted her as he didn't want to call his male friend's house and wake people up, in his defense) when he was forcing me to apologize. He had no intention of coming home.

I don't know that he would have told me any of this if I hadn't confronted him. He claims he was only there for "like 5 minutes" and he had to see her because he was with his male friend. He refused to say if she hugged him or any other details. He became angry when I first tried to talk to him about it and left, then returned and wrote me an email tearing me apart for past things(money issues). I have tried on a few other occasions to talk to him. It never works out. I have had a mild panic attack in front of him when I experienced a trigger. I have told him I experienced PTSD. He has made comments dismissing what happened with statements like "I told you I wasn't coming home" and stating that he was stressed and had to leave. He said he couldn't help seeing the girl as "I can't help who my friends are friends with."
I don't know how to get past this without being able to ask questions and express myself to him. I have tried. I know if I try again he will dismiss/invalidate my feelings. I don't think he sees his actions as "wrong" or understands why they had such a strong impact on me. I think he feels I'm being unreasonable. How can I get through to him? How can I cope? This is really affecting my life and I don't know how to move past it without talking about it. I have tried. I struggle with it daily. I don't know what has been done or said. I have a lot of unanswered questions. I'm afraid to ask those questions now. I'm afraid of his reactions. I'm afraid of how I'll feel and, subsequently, how I will feel when my emotions are dismissed or ignored. Any comments are welcome. I know I missed details but this is not an easy thing to talk about.

[Hellion]

I am assuming you already had PTSD before this took place with the boyfriend? otherwise if you are saying you have PTSD because you did not hear from him for a day...then well, diagnostically speaking they likely wouldn't count someones boyfriend not talking to them for a day as a PTSD causing trauma due to the lack of a life or death situation where you think you're going to die or be severely injured/damaged.

If its that you already have PTSD and he just isn't understanding, maybe the relationship needs to be re-evauluated I mean if he can't have some respsect for you and work with you on it then in my opinion it might not be meant to be. Also sounds like he's being kinda sneaky/dishonest about this female friend which comes off as strange but I don't want to be jumping to conclusions about other peoples lives. But yeah I could see why he might have been frustrated if you where saying him not talking to you that day caused PTSD since that's not quite how it works....even so its still not cool he caused you all that stress and was being unclear in communication. sorry if I misunderstood, your thread, sometimes that can happen.

[MindDiver]

"I am assuming you already had PTSD before this took place with the boyfriend? otherwise if you are saying you have PTSD because you did not hear from him for a day...then well, diagnostically speaking they likely wouldn't count someones boyfriend not talking to them for a day as a PTSD causing trauma due to the lack of a life or death situation where you think you're going to die or be severely injured/damaged. "
I have been diagnosed with PTSD from a number of things in my life including physical and verbal abuse, an accident, etc. I have "gotten over" things I've experienced which one would think would be FAR more traumatic than this incident. That's one reason it's so troubling, and embarassing to talk about. I have my share of ideas as to why it resulted in PTSD for me(worse than what I've experienced with far worse events). No, my partner didn't just not call me for a day. There were a series of incidents and he left the home I share with him and didn't return until the next night. I don't drive due to a medical condition and do not know anyone here. I had no idea where he was, what he was doing, who he was with, or if he was okay(concerns due to weather at the time). I experienced panic attacks. I experienced a great deal of fear and sadness. I had a feeling of abandonment. I had a feeling of being trapped.. like he could keep doing things to hurt me and I had no way to escape the pain. I'm not saying this makes sense or PTSD was "justified." I'm afraid to talk to my therapist(I've onl seen him a few times) about it because it's hard for me to talk about and I don't want my feelings to be dismissed. I know it doesn't make sense. I know it sounds like I'm being overly dramatic or exaggerating feelings. I hate that it happened and I hate that it had this sort of impact on me. I'm miserable and thoughts and feelings surrounding the event seep into my head throughout the day. I don't know how to get past it and I'm mad at myself that I've been so affected by something so stupid.

And I feel awful posting this silly, childish event on a forum where people have experienced life threatening events and so on. I know this sounds ridiculous. I would have scoffed at such a thing before it happened to me. As I said, my experiences with what was diagnosed as PTSD in the past was nothing like this.

[Hellion]

uhh crap you did say you have been diagnosed...so disregard quite a bit of my post. Aside from the bit about how he doesn't seem to be supporting you at all.

[Open Eyes]

((MindDiver)),

PTSD is PTSD and you are struggling and have been badly triggered by how your boyfriend is treating you. Please, do not feel that your challenges are somehow unworthy here, it isn't like that here.

((Hugs))
OE

[bastiaan0741]

TALK about your issues. If you can't with your partner (no judgement, I can't even talk about PTSD with my own parents), do it elsewhere. An anonymous board (you're not emotionally cheating) like this with experienced and listening people is a very good start.

[MindDiver]

Thank you for the support. I attempted to talk to my therapist about it yesterday. Well.. I vaguely told him that I wanted to discuss it at some point. Unfortunately, I became short of breath/felt panicked feeling/etc. I don't think I'll be able to talk about it anytime soon. I've told him about far worse things, calmly and with a smile on my face. I know it doesn't make sense. I believe it had such an impact on me because of the events leading up to that day and what followed(further drama). And yes, his refusal to discuss it/answer questions/show any support/apologize/acknowledge/etc. Our relationship certainly wasn't in great shape prior to that and isn't today.

It's made me fearful that future events will result in similar PTSD-like symptoms. Since experiencing a TBI, things have been very hard to "shake."

[Open Eyes]

I am sorry you are struggling so MindDriver. It is understandable that you struggle to talk about this challenge too. I have found myself that people can be very unsupportive and even mean when it comes to understanding PTSD too. I had a really hard time with that myself and it took time for my therapist to talk to my husband and get him to try to understand it better.

Please, whatever you do, please do not self blame or feed into the negative either, while it can be lonely and hard for a while, you "will" actually get so you can understand it better. I found that for myself, it got worse before it began to get better too and I really struggled for a while. You really need to establish your own "safe" place and support system because it takes time to work through PTSD and make gains on it.

Yes, I believe that you were able to talk about other events that were traumatic to you with less challenge then you have discussing the now challenges too. It is typical to be confused about "what to do in the now" though because that is what PTSD presents, it is challenging in the "now" because the person struggling has a harder time being in the present and managing the now challenges. It is easier recalling a time when you broke your leg and it hurt and took you time to manage again, then having a broken leg and trying to manage in the now. So, you need to realize that you are struggling and hurt in the now, and that requires time to heal only others don't see it, have not experienced it and while people know having a broken leg hurts and takes time to heal, they know little to nothing about brain injuries or PTSD.

It is very hard to explain it to others and have them respond in caring and supportive ways and many do not understand the healing is a lengthy and often tiring process too.

((Caring Hugs))
OE

[(JD)]

It appears this guy triggers you and can't care less. You don't need this guy in your life, and from what I've learned you cannot (no one can) heal or progress with your PTSD treatment while you are still being triggered and feel unsafe.

Put a separation between the two of you...for a few months. If it's real, it'll still be there later on. If it isn't, you'll know then after a few months without the drama.

good wishes.