[MotownJohnny]

Like Dickens, the best of times, the worst of times. Certainly a time of transition, I feel that.

I know I am determined NOT to regress. I had a period of that last year, it wasn't pleasant. It also really didn't serve much of a purpose.

Moving forward is always a challenge. It takes a lot of effort to line up the infantry for the attack on the enemy. Right now, I'm a little frustrated, trying to find a trauma therapist. No one calls me back quickly. That is just me - I want things "now". Instant gratification and instant results. An unrealistic expectation.

Best of times - I feel like I may be able to get a handle on this - it has taken me a long time to realize that I am not getting the level of professional help I need to treat PTSD.

Worst of times - I still feel so alone in this. No one understands me, what I am going through, and at times they cut me no slack.

[Teacake]

I know. Me too. There really IS no adequate professional help for PTSD, Johnny. I'm not trying to bring you down, but we lose four Americans an hour to suicide, one of them a military veteran. I saw in the eyes of ER and police last episode, a lot of serious concern. It scared me. I flash on it still. Facial expressions.

BBK

[MotownJohnny]

This country will pour trillions into its debacles, but won't spend the $ to clean up its messes. Money for PTSD research would help veterans and trickle down to the general population.

[kaliope]

it is a shame there aren't more people out there who specialize in trauma. I spent three years with my last t and while I have several diagnoses he felt ptsd was my most troublesome yet he always steered away from treating it. he just got me stable and never did anything to address my trauma. all the while my anxiety disorder got more and more out of control because it turns out I have ptsd with a dissociative disorder and my other voices were crying to be heard. I am now with someone who specializes in trauma and my anxiety is greatly reduced but I am so angry at my last t for brushing my trauma under the carpet. I feel like I wasted three years of my life. I keep fightin the urge to call him and ask him wtf he thought he was doing.

[Teacake]

Originally Posted by MotownJohnny

This country will pour trillions into its debacles, but won't spend the $ to clean up its messes. Money for PTSD research would help veterans and trickle down to the general population.

Torture and terror work because they cause PTSD. They dont want a cure.

[Teacake]

There is no cure. There is symptom management and perhaps spiritual transformation.

I am stuck on myself as a young woman, 22, unable to bring my lover out of night terrors. If I touched him he fried out and flinched from me. I thought speaking English to him would bring him back. It had for triggered Cambodian soldier student or mine. It didn't. I couldnt understand him. He was pleading and I did not know with whom or for what. He was angry too. But he was not fighting. He was not traumatised by a fight. He was curled up with his hands together before his face.

I could not touch him or speak to him without hurting him. I could not wake him. I stood in the brown shadows of a city apartment, in crazed pain. I wonder why I remember now. It was summer, of course.

It makes me so angry, what they do to us. Thats the point of the memory. What they do to us.

It is an old story, what they do to us. They have always done it. Always used terror and torture to break us down when religion failed, or to keep religion effective.

I dont know what we are.

I know there is no God. There is only us. We dont even know what we are.

Its a ****ing lot of responsibility, lol. To be human. But thats the cure. To figure out how to live these human lives. To figure out what is our nature so we can live accordingly until it kills us.

[Open Eyes]

Oh Mowtown, I don't agree, there "are" good therapists out there that do specialize in PTSD therapy, I have one and he has been wonderful. Is he perfect? No, no one is ever perfect. And don't think for one second that PTSD is not being studied, there is a lot of effort going into PTSD research, it just takes time to come up with better treatments. Remember in that information I posted, it was pretty much admitted that there are treatment providers out there that do not understand PTSD and it is important to search until you find ones that do.

You have definitely been making some gains on it Mowtown, you can continue to make more gains too.

I probably would have been much better had I not been trapped in this long ongoing lawsuit where I was traumatized on top of being traumatized because I was trapped so long with an attorney who was mentally declining and not getting help until it became blatantly obvious.

Wanting someone new "now"? There is nothing wrong with that, you have wants, that is improvements over not feeling worthy, you know different now. Are you more "hyper aware", yes, but you don't have to have it be a negative thing, and you actually have been making efforts and gains in positives.

Keep that chin up


OE