[Teacake]

I dont want to talk a lot about It. I have It. I do It. Its never bothered me. What bothered me is not everyone does It or has It and that makes me weird.

Therapist helped me normalize it a long time ago, when I was having episodes before mass shootings, near me or my son. She was really great about It. It took a really long time until today to be able to say It all. A whole life of It. It just is. Not special. Not spooky. Not suspicious. Not weird.

I never forget a dream I had years ago about a young man who had to hide away and live alone because he had three eyes. His friends brought him.groceries. sometimes they got him a job, where he could work hidden under a cap. His terrible disfigurement prevented him from having any kind of normal life...I woke sickened and horrified.

I know what my experiences have been, especially wirh people who do not speak English who have been traumatised. My students had been badly traumatised. They had witnessed terrible things.

I just needed to say ot out loud.

I always feel prayers. This Ramadan was hard because when the faithful gathered for the last ten nights, there was so much grief. I should have gone to breakfast just to be comforted rather than suffer alone but...

I told my therapist all of It, that í guess It is telepathy, that maybe I can find some woo person to teach me how to shield or filter, that ive always known my dad and I are like that but never knew how to really accept it.

Midlife really is a crisis. It all.comes tumbling down.

[CANDC]

Teacake, I share your grief hearing and seeing what is going on. Glad your therapist can keep you centered on who you are and away from the reactive self that is like a big button waiting to get pushed.
Problem is people have told us who we are all our lives, and then we get to midlife and realize we are something different or more than people imagined us to be.
Hang in there.

[Teacake]

Originally Posted by CANDC

Teacake, I share your grief hearing and seeing what is going on. Glad your therapist can keep you centered on who you are and away from the reactive self that is like a big button waiting to get pushed.
Problem is people have told us who we are all our lives, and then we get to midlife and realize we are something different or more than people imagined us to be.
Hang in there.

It's pretty amazing when the estrogen high wears off and we see the world as It is!

[Teacake]

I feel a lot less numb since I got that off my chest.

The last time I had visual flashes about someone I was able to mention It to someone. I got an affirming response. I am kind. I am compassionate. I have always been this way. It's good to be able to talk about it and be normal about it.

[CANDC]

Right - you are kind and compassionate. Glad you expressed that. Makes me feel better too. I am kind and compassionate too!