PTSD From Childhood Trauma?

Does anyone else think they might have PTSD symptoms because of childhood trauma?
From what I've read, it seems many PTSD sufferers have had childhood traumas. and it sounds like many start to have symptoms of PTSD when they have another traumatic experience as an adult.

I did have some pretty difficult times in my 20's and showed some symptoms.. but I don't know that I could currently be described as having PTSD. I can't think of any situations or places I avoid, for one thing.

Yes, I suffer from PTSD symptoms because of childhood abuse. Its referred to as c-ptsd. unlike regular ptsd which is a specific traumatic severe trauma, c-ptsd is from prolonged abuse, such as in an abusive childhood.

Complex PTSD. Interesting... That kinda makes sense with my background and experiences. I can especially identify with not being able to talk about my feelings during stressful situations..... and with blaming myself or minimizing current stressful situations.

Here are the "diagnosing criteria"..

Are you instead pushing yourself to embrace the very things that have hurt you? Often that can be the way "trauma" can affect someone instead of "avoiding" the person pushes themselves into what could be considered "situations where they faced trauma".

I had PTSD symptoms as far back as the age of 6 or 7 that I can clearly remember. I did not get diagnosed until I was in my 30's and that was after a traumatic incident threw it into high gear.

I have absolutely shown a lot of courage in my life, in that I feel fear at times, and instead of running away, I have decided to do or face whatever it was that caused me fear. I joined the military, I've done some public speaking... both scared me to death, but I did it anyway.

I remember hearing the story of a boy who was terrified of lightning. He decided he wanted to be rid of his fear, so he tied himself to a tree during a thunderstorm (probably not the safest or smartest way to rid yourself of a fear, lol).... it worked. I admire people like him, people who force themselves to face their fears.

But.... perhaps there might have been less extreme ways I could face my fears.... Like... I could have done without joining the military, in hindsight. So, yeah, I can see that I should be cautious about trying too hard to face those fears, to keep myself from overreacting.

shakespeare,

A lot of people diagnosed with BPD are high achievers and they have often made it a point to "self empower with knowledge and skills" too. I bet that many of them get so they are well read and thrist for knowledge the way you have discribed about yourself too. However, all of that effort doesn't help the hole of understanding and being comfortable with "intimacy and love". It doesn't mean they are not empathetic or can't feel sadness when viewing a movie that shows sad things that take place. The truth is they "know" first hand the pain, but they never were able to experience the comfort to overcome with another, it just was not provided for them somehow. What typically happens is they begin to feel "apathy" when they get near that kind of scenario and it can get so uncomfortable for them that they "push it away" in unhealthy ways or they just don't "connect" because it feels so uncomfortable to them, unsafe and exposed. It's very sad really, because if you know what to look for, you can see that child in them that wanted it so very much and truly deserved it. That is "an injury" and not the same thing as NPD. It only "appears" that way because of the tendency to be "self absorbed".

When I was little my father was this "authority" that we were supposed to fear. I liked my father and decided I wanted to know him better so I braved it and climbed onto his lap and cuddled him. What I learned by doing that is that "he really was very receptive" and because of that I could get to know him even "more". My two siblings remained "afraid" of him and were a bit jealous that "I" could get close to him. My father was a very deep soulful man and he was always reading and learning and could be "self absorbed", but he was receptive too, if you knew how. I have no idea what made me so brave that way, but, I seemed to learn that some people need to have someone that can be able to reach out to them "first" and that they don't seem to know how to do that part themselves. Well, later on I had learned that my father didn't really have that happen to him growing up. His father was an alcoholic and his mother ran away when he was only around 12 or thirteen. Well, it must have been very dysfunctional in his home for his mother to abandon him and his sister and I did learn that his father was a "mean" drunk.

My father didn't physically abuse my mother, but he was often very critical towards her and "controlling and possessive". He didn't really know "how" to talk to my mother and still doesn't so my mother was very lonely. Although, I was there for her too paying attention to what was important to her and helping her and appreciating her as she did deserve to be appreciated. Oh, my father performed his designated duties and mother did hers, but that was "societal" structure and not really a "true" loving and caring relationship. I did see father "try" to be caring too, but unfortunately my mother tended to punish him by telling him he needed to be that way more etc, instead of just building on the efforts that he "did" try to make.

IMHO, if someone is "hurt" by criticism, it doesn't mean they have "no empathy", it means they are just "hurt". It means that it requires some "digging" with the "right kind of therapist" to help that person find that hurt and finally learn to "heal".

Anyone can learn all about the "labels" and what might appear to be symptoms of those labels and call themselves "psychiatrists or psychologists", but that doesn't mean that person is truely "qualified" to be able to "see the hurt" and focus on that instead of some damn "label".

OE

Probably. My father threatened to kill me often enough, although he only came close once.

Most of my nightmares have involved him setting fire to everything I've ever loved then shooting me. Those have mostly stopped though since I went no contact with him.

Dang BeteNoire. Are you serious? I'm so sorry. Have you been able to get help? Are things getting better?

Have you thought about starting a thread to talk about your childhood in general? It's helped me to talk/write about it..

It is interesting that OE describes apathy as the defence against tender feelings. Just BEFORE Prozac apathy set it. I had noticed that my feelings were back. I didnt feel "rage as defense against pain" when I learned of a neighbors tragedy. I felt such pleasant melancholy that I became ashamed, and that's the last thing I felt before it was all apathy.

I'm a WASP. We do ennui, and contentment and disapproval. And whiskey. I so wish I could have an Irish whiakey right now.

My MOTHER yawns involuntarily in the part of a conversation where her empathy should be. Sigh.

I know a borderline man who does NOT experience empathy. No idea what is it. He tries.to fake it and its creepy. I think mom does experience it in an undifferentiated and overwhelming way. She has the right receptors but finds them too painful to use? I don't know.

Both Mom and Mike (the mean little borderline) react with a start as of attacked if I try to feel into them. No one else has ever startled like that--oh God. Except the
Asylee..who flinched from my touch and my voice. My mother and Mike flinch in a very similar way from empathy, even if I am simply sitting behind a book not even looking atp them but just trying to feel them from across the room. They are the only ones. No one else objects. Mike startled like a darting dog and whirled on me to tell me to keep my energy to myself. I thought he was insane and he may be. But if as my friend from the health food store says I send a powerful signal as well as receiving, (I believe everything I hear from my elders, while I have elders) maybe I was poking Mike with my energy. He was poked by something

I really do believe the refugee kids I knew were able to communicate to me without language and that people traumatised as.children retain a sensitivity most of us outgrow or even prune. I could be wrong.

You are not alone, Shakespeare47. I too was diagnosed with Complex PTSD at 27 yrs after being abused in every way by more than 13 abusers, and prior to 10 more years of domestic violence where everything but actual death occurred.
We are here for you and know the anguish of reliving experiences as though they are happening right now.
Don't lose courage as you take a step at a time. Often a day or an hour at a time is much too long to get through. There is hope in the journey!

It's not a "conscious defense" Teacake. It is very different from "lack of empathy" too.

If a person is truly expressing "empathy" then the person on the receiving end should not get "upset" by it. If one is "empathetic" it means they are "fully aware" of all weakness and can express it in a way that the other person feels "heard and comfortable". It is harder when doing it in a scenario where one doesn't "know" the person very well however or has physical tells to consider.

OE

Jesus I have like everything on that list! I am so blind to not of noticed it before a few weeks ago!

To be clear, I haven't been diagnosed. But, it makes a lot more sense than NPD or BPD.... who knows.....
I'm still debating about how much I want to know about what happened to me over 37 years ago, now. I've been trying to find the counselor who treated me over 20 years ago.

One of the new paradigm mental health workers in hospital told me personality disorders like NPD or BPD are just. Complex PTSD plus insecure attachments. I would add plus developmental déficits. If you have PTSD as a child, from childhood abuse, your atrachments are obviously insecure and you are not going to he able to develop normally.

Childhood trauma can have an effect without being a diagnosis. All of us have some childhood trauma.

Empathy means feeling into. It is perception. It has nothing to do wirh the other person feeling comfortable being felt into. I mean, maybe Its bad ethics to feel into people who object to it just like we dont touch without permission. Im just sayi g empathy is the perception, like touch, not the quality of the touch experienced by the other. A poker player or cop or conman can use empathy too.

My dad was comfortable wirh me. My boyfriend was comfortable wirh me. My son wanted to know if I could "read his mind" and was curious about how i knew what I knew. My sister didn't block it but it surprised her too. Only my mother and Mike, both borderlines, felt violated.

It makes me sad.

Thanks.

I was thinking about this a few days back. I've never really put everything that's happened to me in one place. Even in therapy I keep it shallow hurrying from one thing to the next with no real depth.

To be honest though, I have so many gaps in my memory any actual text I tried to write would probably be totally incoherent.

Like I told the therapist who thought I had repressed memories. "If I repressed it I did it for a reason and I don't want to be digging around in there."

^At gaps.. I can relate. I've been working on my story for over 20 years. It's okay. Just start somewhere.

I've been looking into what is meant by conversion symptoms... They appear to be talking about conversion disorder... I've had slurred speech at times, dizziness and loss of balance, amnesia, and a lump in the throat.