Was this rape?

I was in a an abusive marridge .

My partner at the time told me to perform sexual acts upon them or I would be verbally and or physically abused.

This happend every month, maybe once or twice a month.

The abuse got worse and so did I was then forced to have sexual intercourse with my partner or else there would be more abuse, not always physical but sometimes verbal or both.

My former partner was given a caution for the physical violence after I made a complaint but out of sheer embarrasment , I never mentioned the sexual side to the abuse.

I have been diagnosed with PTDS and CFS along with quite a few other medical issues but the CFS is being attritubuted to the PTSD and the PTSD is being attritubuted to the abuse, as you can guess I have bad depression and anexity too.

So, was I raped or sexually abused, both or neither?

I ask, because I am a MAN and these acts were perpetrated by a WOMAN,

I am in the UK and wondered if I was raped, if the police would act as my whole life has been runied by the CFS and PTSD because of this abuse.

PTDSiskillingme, Yes I would say this was sexual abuse/rape. Have you sought out a therapist to help you deal with this trauma? Try posting in the forum below. You may get a more knowledgeable response.

Survivors of Abuse - Forums at Psych Central

Sounds like rape and sexual abuse to me since it seems you where forced into it against your will.

Thank you

Yes I have a therapist , however after the initial assessment , whereby a councillor and phyc doc both confirmed PTSD (I saw both because I was reffered to the crisis team) there is now a wait of 6-12 months.

If I report to the police, will they do anything? my ex as I say has admitted to violence against me, but will never admit this.

I have no proof of it and worry the police will dismiss it becuase I didnt include it in my original complaint.

I've been told a way to help deal with it is to attempt to bring the perpetrator to account for it, but I worry i'll get laughed out of the police station, after all, im a man

tnx, i worry the police will laugh at me because

1 im m ale

and 2 i didnt include it on my original complaint

I am sorry that you have had such horrid experiences. I do hope that you are getting help and support to work through this.

And in answer to your question, I would say yes. You were forced under threat, that is never ok....man or woman. I have experienced rape, sexual assault and more.

I would hope that the police could do something if you were to report, I imagine this would be such a great thing to do for your healing journey. Please have some support when approaching this too.

Take good kind care of yourself ok.

Thank you for the reply....I just worry so much that they'll say that im making it up as I didnt say it before despite making a claim, humiliation doesnt come close

If you're forced to have sex under duress, it's rape whether you're a man or a woman.

Tread lightly when involving the police. Be sure you have a good therapist to guide you before doing anything like that. It's best to be along in your healing to take legal action because it can be very triggering and stressful.

This is spousal rape. Forced sex is rape. Rape in a marriage is spousal rape. As far as definitions go, it really is clear-cut. Regrettably, recovery isn't.

As far as involving the police goes.. The police SHOULD take you seriously, but there's no certainty that they WILL. I think you should ask yourself whether it's worth the risk of how you will feel if you're waved off or ignored. That's a decision only you can make - however, a therapist can assist you with that.

In my country, there's an option that you go to the police to file a report, but they don't make it an 'accusation'. So basically they'll put into your report into the system, but they won't follow up on it until you make it a "formal accusation". Maybe something similar exists in the UK. That way you could make your report, but there is less chance of being waved off because you aren't asking them to follow up on it anyway, and it would give you some time to decide whether you really want the police to investigate. But if you decide in two years you want the police to investigate, they will process the old report: and the date will show that you reported it reasonably short after the incident, and not years later.

Thank you all, I will take away your comments and speak with my CBT, though im not sure what to do next, PTSD is killing me and my life and feel that getting it out to the authoritys might help but it might make it worse.

Do you have a therapist that can help you with this?

I do yes, do you mean that can help with the police? or with the PTSD around the violence and rape?

I'm in the UK as well, and I know there are helplines you can ring if you've suffered any kind of abuse. They can help you work out what to do. I don't think it's unusual for more detail to be described at a later point so I wouldn't worry about not having said about the sexual abuse earlier.

Here are a couple of websites that may have helpful information:
Help after rape and sexual assault - Live Well - NHS Choices
SupportLine - Problems: Rape and Sexual Assault: Advice, support and information (there is a paragraph further down the page specifically for men who have been assaulted)

Take care of yourself, and remember there are lots of people here who care and want to support you.


Bluegrey

I'm struggling with the same sort of questions, so I have no answers. But I wanted to tell you that you're not alone. As well as strong it is of you to want to go to the police and to accept help from counselors. I don't know that I could ever do that.

According to a leading men's sexual assault advice line , under UK law, a woman CANT be charged with Rape of a man, the most I can hope for, if the police dont laugh me out of the building, is sexual assault.

So sorry. Hugs.

Unfortunately it's true that many don't take men seriously when they report being raped or sexually abused. It's sad, really, how the gender roles are so firmly defined that it's so difficult for people to see past them. I hope that you are able to get the help you need. What you have been through sounds terrible. We are here for you as well. I know how anxiety-producing a long wait can be for a counsellor or psychiatrist.

It is so brave of you to want to press charges. It takes alot of courage and shows how strong you are that you don't want her to get away from rape charges.

Both men and women can commit that heinous crime. And I am so sorry that it happened to you. This coming from someone who's been through it.

I hope you can start your healing process

Thank you everyone. lots of soul searching to do now

This makes me feel so sad! ANd angry!! Rape is rape. The law can be such an arse!!!!!!!!

Take care ok