[71421]

I don't know what to do.
This has been a ride I cannot forget.
'Though it seems so easy.
Diagnosed Biopolar, autistic but begged for something lighter to have my chance in the military.(which never happened)
PTSD, but somehow I manage to forget this from time
To time only to be reminded with fear.
Yet, I remember everything. Old thoughts reincarnated. The reasons why corrupting my peace of mind.
I'm living in a pattern.
Everybody I love is leaving me again.
I'm not fighting for it anymore.
I bring trouble everywhere I go.
I won't force them to deal with me.
What am I going to do?
Flash backs at work. Everyone knows I'm crazy.
Everything stops to remind me.
Everybody keeps going, but I stop in a memory.
I just want to explode.
We're talking.

Then we're back and I'm embarrassed cause I'm frozen in time.
Im stuck in the past and I don't know what to do.
Nothing's working.
Does ECT work?
Is there a chance to fix me?
Why can't I move on?
I just want peace.
Peace isn't for the weak?
Is this worse than I thought?
Bad enough to need professional help?
Everyday from day to night.
I'm so lost I'm starting to think there isn't a way.
Ghosting along watching others pave a path.

Do I sound crazy?
Is any of this normal?

[AliJ]

We are all here to support you. You are not crazy. I do recommend to and seeking some professional help. There is nothing wrong with getting help. Yes it can be scary and yes it can be hard but if you are wanting the help there is nothing wrong with asking for help. And remember we are all here to support you add well. Best of luck.